ZiggyB

I feel like I can't control anything aside from the choices I make every day...

I tell myself I have control over my reactions and responses to other people but even that doesn't seem true half the time.

Life is impermanence, I guess you can choose how you will react to that

dancingnow

For me I am trying to find my authentic self so that I respond to my environment in such a way that I am not seeking a specific outcome. Not sure if this makes sense, it is a little muddled in my head right now as I am having some difficulties since funding for my job ended and there is nothing I can do about it, however I feel like there was a lot of manipulation in the controlling environment that I was in with this job.

It does seem hard to give up control but when I look at what I can do for this situation I am in, the reality is I have no control. I am trying to get to the point where I can clearly see what I need to do and I always need to ask my HP for assistance.

All the options I have for my next step, have no guaranteed outcomes so I just need to live in this moment and accept what is and have faith that all will work out. I've been here before and things worked out and I had no idea what it would look like before it worked out.

So it seems control is truly an illusion. Each moment is a choice and I have no control over how that choice affects the universe.

Thanks for the topic. I am still working out what I can control and what I can't control or even the idea of control.

LifeRecovery

I remember last years post about this really helping me because it was what I was working on at the time. Actually this has not changed much for me (one of the only things). Thanks for bringing it up again.

I cannot control my emotions, thoughts, feelings, but I can control my actions aroudn them.

I cannot control another's actions (or thoughts, emotions, feelings), but I can control my reaction to their actions.

ShootingStar1

A friend of mine used to quote what she called the Basque Creed, and it makes a lot of sense to me:
I think we can each be in control of those things in our lives.

What do you think?

BothSidesNow

FireSprite

~bumping~ because I needed to read this one again today. I was trying to explain the limits of control to DD & I stumbled across this post when looking through the archives for some examples. Some great stuff here that new members might benefit from.

lillamy

Thank you for bumping this, FS. I needed to read it again, too.

ShootingStar1

One of the things it makes me remember is that I miss Mike

ShootingStar1

lillamy

Me too, ShootingStar. Me too.

Butterfly

Thank you for bumping firesprite I needed to read this today.

Stung

Ugh. I met with my sponsor today and this is one of the things that we discussed. Control and acceptance.

I cannot control myself or my recovery. I cannot even control when or how I interact with a power greater than myself. What can I control? Letting go of the outrageous concept that I control anything to begin with.

Everyday we all make choices but somehow we convolute ourselves into thinking that we somehow have control because we make choices. I do not have the ability to guarantee outcomes or provide myself with absolute security and that is what control is about. I jokingly told my sponsor today that I'll let God control a few things…like traffic lights and the weather since I, by default, cannot control those things anyway. I said that I would go ahead and keep on being in control of what I'm going to wear everyday…until my sponsor stopped me and asked what I wore everyday that I was in the hospital in December. Touché. A hospital gown and I did not chose that, it was provided for me.

I do not have control. I can try to influence an outcome but it's akin to the possibility that I might win a lottery by purchasing a ticket.

chicory

Thanks Firesprite- this was a great post..miss Mike.. glad his presence is still strong here.

chronsweet

I can control ME and I can control my son's environment through my actions.

I can't control him though, only coach him

chronsweet

FireSprite

So we got the hula hoop out last night & I demonstrated for DD:

"See? Everything you can control is inside this hula hoop, everything outside is also outside of your control."

A few moments of silence, then:

"I can fit dad inside this hoop too, there's room."




We still have work to do, obviously. (And just for clarification, it's not his addiction she's trying to control so much as his approach to his healthcare. She is baffled as to why he refuses to take part in things he can SEE helping us live healthier lives - diet, exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. She cannot wrap her mind around him knowing better but not doing better.)




And, I really miss Mike a lot too.

freetosmile

Mike...wish I had known you. All my new SR friends are missing you. Thanks for being there for them.

things I can't control:

most everything...big ones for me are others emotions, reactions, and insecurities. I cannot control these things. But I can control MY emotions, reactions, and insecurities.

I can't control the weather, but I can control my attitude about the weather. You get the idea. I can control what lens I wish to view the world through. And that is ALL I can do.

thanks Mike, although your gone...i have a feeling you meant a great deal to a great many people...

SparkleKitty

I find it important to remind myself that I'm not giving up control, but rather giving up the illusion that I ever had control in the first place.

KariSue

Don't put so much stress on yourself. You're only human. You win some and lose some. Practice, practice, practice and all that....

This reminds me of my favorite quote. "I can't help how I feel right now but I can help how I think and act." (author unknown)

Kari

shil2587

I guess I can control whether I interact on a regular basis with my Higher Power and whether I let Him take control or whether I continue trying to control. Right now, I don't do anywhere near well enough with that. But it's the goal and the only thing that really is in my control.