XXXXXXXXXX

I had no idea. I have been so busy living my life and enjoying the peace that the restraining order gave me.

Today I get a text from his mom, asking about my recent job interviews. we texted back and forth for a minute and then I asked her how he was doing, which breaks the little rule we have about keeping him out of our chat.

I guess I opened up the door, but she told me that he had been sober for several days preparing for his hearing. The charge against him is violating the restraining order.

At the end of may when I got the temp order, he sent me several texts, asking me to drop it. They told me at my restraining order hearing that if he showed up there, they would arrest him for the texts.

He didn't show, but he did send more texts, and when they served him with the 180 day order, they arrested him. He bonded out very quickly, and I heard nothing else so I thought they dropped it.

I think his mom was feeling me out to ask me to get it dropped. She didn't outright ask, but did ask me if he had bothered me since, and I verified that I hadn't heard from him. Maybe she was also trying to figure out if I was going to testify. I had not been contacted by anyone so I guess the court doesn't expect me to either.

I wish I didn't know. UGH.

Thelma

Not your problem. It was his boundary to break. His price to pay.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yep, it's out of my hands. I don't ever want to be one of those women who go and have the charges dropped, and I don't want to be sucked back into drama. I evicted him from my head, and tonight I hope I can sleep instead of think.

ZiggyB

I'm also wondering why you need to keep in touch with his Mother - it would seem like right there is a huge reminder of something you are trying to forget and put behind you.

XXXXXXXXXX

I hated the idea of losing her too. I don't talk to her often, but text or call once every couple of weeks and meet her for lunch every once in a while. She is also my only contact with her grandson, who I raised as my son for almost 2 years, and during that 2 years, my daughter was treated as her grandchild.

It bothers me that I find myself questioning her motives here, and it might be easier to cut ties, but I'm not ready to do that.

dandylion

Dear xxxx, I understand what it is like when you have a genuine relationship with family members of those that we have to separate from.

I think you have to go with your own judgement here. I think you have handled a very tricky situation as well as you could have. I say, just keep clear on your own motives (of course).

I also say, take this one day at a time.

You are doing good.

dandylion

headstrong

He broke the restraining order so there is nothing for you to testify for. It is him against the state at this point as long as the state has the evidence. I'm speaking from personal experience. If he contacted you over multiple days, those are treated as separate incidents. So the charges rack up quickly and are taken seriously. You are also treading a fine line by keeping in contact with his family. No messages can be given or taken. So asking about him is probably okay. Asking his mom to give him a message is a big no-no.

Learn2Live

I'm a little surprised you were not called as a witness to testify as to what happened???

dandylion

dear XXXXX, I need to add to my post above, by saying that I forgot about the rule to keep him out of your chat. Thanks for the heads-up, Headstrong!

xxxxx-I understand the complexity of your situation.

dandylion

XXXXXXXXXX

I know, I could kick myself for asking, I really do still find myself wondering and worrying. I knew better. And I would never ask anyone to give him a message. I'm still learning, by default sometimes.