Blogs


Notices

Finally, I don't care! Cycle broken.

Old 06-28-2012, 02:15 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Blog Entries: 2
Finally, I don't care! Cycle broken.

So regarding my two relationships that I'm leaving because, well, I want to, it's taken 17 years with AH and 3 with the NPD business partner, but I finally don't care what they say to or about me. Doesn't matter. What matters is my boundary, my belief that I've done everything humanly possible and they're not going to change and will continue to treat me in a way that is unacceptable, so they're done. goodbye.

It's pretty intense. NPD business partner is being super sweet, really trying to work me. I do at times start to feel guilty, but them I remember how she screamed at me when I called her to discuss her wanting me to give up my shares of the business to an investor, without her giving up any. We're 50/50 partners and the new agreement had me at 25%, the investors at 25% and her retaining her shares.

I called her to discuss and she screamed at me, ridiculed me and told me "Transform you dont' know anything about business!" Also, among other things, during this last ditch effort to communicate with her like an adult, she told me that she "made" me what I' am today.

This happens on a regular basis. Happened, that is. I remember getting off the phone and thinking, "she just lost the privilege of working with me." It was that simple.

And as far as AH is concerned, he and I have done this dance for literally 17 years and I've had enough. Last month, as he and I were getting ready to go to our sons 8th grade graduation, I was working with our 11 year old to get him out the door faster and AH called me both an a$$hole and a ******* nightmare IN FRONT OF HIM.

I thought, he just did that for the last time.

He makes me sick. He's a serial cheater, a raving drunk and regularly tries to bully me when drunk only. I no longer see him through loving eyes, I just take care of me and the kids and try to keep out of harms way.

Now, here on SR, myself and plenty of others folks post all day long about the horrific, unacceptable situations we're in, but we stay. We stay and complain and we stay and wish things were different, we stay and wonder what we're doing wrong, we stay and try to figure out why.

Somehow, someway, I have reached the point where I'm able to leave. The business partner will be getting notice next week that I'm working for 30 more days, then not working on the paper any more. I'll retain my 50% of the paper, seeing as how I didn't sign that new agreement the old one still stands, and not work anymore. She can either buy me out or dissolve the business.

The AH lives here with me and the kids, he pays almost all of the bills and I'm quitting the farce of a job I have (that pays me nothing while my business partner makes side deals with our advertisers. The bitch has been pimping me out for two years, because I let her) so I'll keep up the clear boundaries with him until I get on my feet financially again, but I'm oh so clear about leaving him as well.

It's very different from what I used to do, that horrible, devastating dance. You know? The one where my abuser treats me like crap, I recoil, become furious, fight and play victim until I've had enough, then they throw scraps at me so I stay with a thimble full of hope instead of the abundance the Universe has to offer.
transformyself is offline  
The Following 23 Users Say Thank You to transformyself For This Useful Post:
battlescars (06-28-2012), boldaslove (06-30-2012), catlovermi (06-28-2012), ConeyIslandHigh (06-28-2012), Cyranoak (06-28-2012), DefofLov (06-28-2012), Fandy (06-28-2012), Florence (06-29-2012), Helenlee (06-28-2012), lillamy (06-29-2012), Milly39 (06-29-2012), mmk11 (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), oh2exhale (06-29-2012), RollTide (06-28-2012), Shadydeal (06-29-2012), StarCat (06-29-2012), SuzyMarie (06-29-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), Tiredofdrugs (06-30-2012), tjp613 (06-28-2012), Tuffgirl (06-28-2012), wicked (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 02:45 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
LaTeeDa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
They say the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Sounds like that's where you are.

L
LaTeeDa is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to LaTeeDa For This Useful Post:
Fandy (06-28-2012), Fathom (06-28-2012), hadenoughnow (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), tjp613 (06-28-2012), wicked (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 02:48 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Life Health Prosperity
 
neferkamichael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,636
Good for you tranformyself.
neferkamichael is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to neferkamichael For This Useful Post:
TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), wicked (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 05:01 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Blog Entries: 2
It is? Indifference? Huh.
thanks
transformyself is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to transformyself For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), wicked (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 05:11 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
Yes, I am doing the apathy/indifference dance now.
LOL
This is so wonderful Transform.
Be glad I don't have a car, or I would be down there doin the Transform dance!
:ghug3
wicked is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
ConeyIslandHigh (06-28-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 05:33 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: near by
Posts: 151
Uh-Oh, Lateeda. Indifference is the word I keep using when telling my AH and our marriage counselor how I am feeling about his drinking, anger, mood swings, and sarcasm. That's not a good sign for me, is it?
feelingalone43 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to feelingalone43 For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 05:41 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
That's not a good sign for me, is it?
I think it is a good sign for you (because it is easier much easier to make the break) and bad sign for him, because you are indifferent to his tactics to control or gaslight you.

Beth
wicked is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
lillamy (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 08:56 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
I might be getting indifferent myself, LOL. I was indifferent when A woke up and started urinating on the vacuum cleaner, hahahaha. I was just thinking, you have got to be kidding me.

Transform, little steps, in the right direction can make big changes. That is how I am living at the moment.
chronsweet is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to chronsweet For This Useful Post:
Bluebonnet1 (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-28-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 09:05 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
It's very different from what I used to do, that horrible, devastating dance. You know? The one where my abuser treats me like crap, I recoil, become furious, fight and play victim until I've had enough, then they throw scraps at me so I stay with a thimble full of hope instead of the abundance the Universe has to offer.
Transform, I don't know how I missed this the first time, but it does describe that horrible cycle so perfectly.
The abundance the Universe has to offer. Yes.
Thank you.
wicked is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
Milly39 (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-28-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 09:10 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by wicked View Post
Transform, I don't know how I missed this the first time, but it does describe that horrible cycle so perfectly.
The abundance the Universe has to offer. Yes.
Thank you.
I agree. Thank you for sharing that, Transform! I am working very hard at getting out of that cycle.
lizatola is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lizatola For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-28-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-28-2012), wicked (06-28-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 06:28 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
has left the building :)
 
ConeyIslandHigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The Big City
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post

I thought, he just did that for the last time.

He makes me sick.
My STBXAH just pulled one of his classic, pathetic maneuvers for the very last time on my watch, but it felt really good to know that.

Just when I thought he couldn't possibly be more irresponsible or vile, he manages to achieve something even more repulsive at every turn, seemingly just to prove me wrong.

He's an abhorrent, abominable, appalling, disgusting, distasteful, dreadful, evil, foul, gross, hideous, horrendous, horrible, nasty, nauseating, obnoxious, obscene, sickening, ugly excuse for a human being, and we will all be so much healthier and happier when we finally rid ourselves of these rotten, depressing creeps.

Stay strong, transform! :ghug3

(((hugs)))
ConeyIslandHigh is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to ConeyIslandHigh For This Useful Post:
Learn2Live (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012), oh2exhale (06-29-2012), Sungrl (06-29-2012), transformyself (06-29-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 07:34 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Transform - it sounds like you have reached the limit on both counts...and probably beyond.
Stay strong in order to carry out both to the bitter end.
I send you stength and serenity - there is a great world out there waiting for you
Milly39 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Milly39 For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-30-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 07:54 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post

I thought, he just did that for the last time.

Now, here on SR, myself and plenty of others folks post all day long about the horrific, unacceptable situations we're in, but we stay. We stay and complain and we stay and wish things were different, we stay and wonder what we're doing wrong, we stay and try to figure out why.

It's very different from what I used to do, that horrible, devastating dance. You know? The one where my abuser treats me like crap, I recoil, become furious, fight and play victim until I've had enough, then they throw scraps at me so I stay with a thimble full of hope instead of the abundance the Universe has to offer.
Thank you for sharing your strength in breaking the vicious cycle. Stay strong. I too am working on breaking the cycle with my AH. He doesn't make it easy but he has noticed I'm not playing his blame/shame/anger game as much as I used to. He thinks I'm "indifferent"; I told him the way I reacted before wasn't working so I'm trying something different. It feels good that my strength and intolerance to BS that I had before this relationship is returning. The crumbs and scraps he sprinkles my way- I don't hold on to those for dear life anymore. He tells me what he thinks I want to hear and I no longer do cartwheels. Actions matter; AH's inaction when it comes to me and our marriage tells me everything I need to know.
mmk11 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to mmk11 For This Useful Post:
CatLover1234 (06-30-2012), ConeyIslandHigh (06-29-2012), Learn2Live (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-29-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 08:14 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Summerpeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by ConeyIslandHigh View Post
My STBXAH just pulled one of his classic, pathetic maneuvers for the very last time on my watch, but it felt really good to know that.

Just when I thought he couldn't possibly be more irresponsible or vile, he manages to achieve something even more repulsive at every turn, seemingly just to prove me wrong.

He's an abhorrent, abominable, appalling, disgusting, distasteful, dreadful, evil, foul, gross, hideous, horrendous, horrible, nasty, nauseating, obnoxious, obscene, sickening, ugly excuse for a human being, and we will all be so much healthier and happier when we finally rid ourselves of these rotten, depressing creeps.

Stay strong, transform! :ghug3

(((hugs)))
We were OBVIOUSLY with the same men ;-)
Summerpeach is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Summerpeach For This Useful Post:
ConeyIslandHigh (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 08:16 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Summerpeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I was not married to my ex's, but so happy I had the strength to leave them.
You will be on top of the world once you walk away for good and never look back.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. You cannot heal while drowning in toxins. Water a plant with poison, it will die, Water it with water, it will grow.
Time to get out of the cesspool of poison.
Summerpeach is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Summerpeach For This Useful Post:
ConeyIslandHigh (06-29-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012), TakingCharge999 (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-29-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 08:40 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
has left the building :)
 
ConeyIslandHigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The Big City
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Summerpeach View Post
We were OBVIOUSLY with the same men ;-)


They are exact carbon copies of each another to the point that they are not even weirdly or remotely interesting!!! Like possessed zombies.

Dawn of the freaking Dead!

And I have awoken!
ConeyIslandHigh is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ConeyIslandHigh For This Useful Post:
desertgirl (06-30-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-29-2012, 08:43 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
has left the building :)
 
ConeyIslandHigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The Big City
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Summerpeach View Post
Time to get out of the cesspool of poison.
I'm leaping out and toweling off!!!
ConeyIslandHigh is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to ConeyIslandHigh For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-29-2012), wicked (06-29-2012)
Old 06-30-2012, 01:17 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
A jug fills drop by drop
 
TakingCharge999's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,783
:ghug3 :ghug3 :ghug3
I can feel your newfound sense of freedom. Good riddance to toxicity.
I am dealing with some "losses" as well, in reality they are gains.
TakingCharge999 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TakingCharge999 For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (06-30-2012), transformyself (06-30-2012)
Old 06-30-2012, 03:14 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
RIP Maria
 
Tiredofdrugs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
In July 2005. I was five months clean, off the opiates and thought my marriage was improving. I got my act cleaned up and saw our marriage was on a happier note. I went driving around one night with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in years. Her husband wrote me a note, as a joke, to give to my husband when I got home. He was asleep, since it was 3:30 in the morning. I left the note on the kitchen counter for him to find. When he got up to go to work he saw the note. After reading the note he flipped it over and wrote; "I will be contacting an Attorney today to file for a divorce". OMG! Something inside of my mind, just snapped! This was the last straw! I knew if he was going to say something like this after me driving around with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in years. He was never going to let me have my freedom. I wasn't going to live under his thumb any more. We had been together for 14 years.

I didn't call him at work to ask him why he wrote that. He didn't call me all day either. I was sitting on the couch with a bucket and some bread I was pulling into small pieces to feed the chickens. (The kind that are my Avatar)! When he got home, he went to the recliner, across from me and sat down. I asked him why did he write that message. He replied; "That's how I felt when I read the note". I then asked him if he'd contacted an Attorney. He said; "No I didn't". I sat there looking at him for a few minutes. I picked the bucket up as well as the bread and said to him; "Well! You might want to do that" and walked out the door. He just sat there staring at the TV.

Every day when he went to work. I started going thru our stuff. I made sure I got all of our important papers separated. I sold 90 chickens for a song and dance. It was the biggest majority of the large breed I had. I called a friend about keeping my 15 Chinese Silkies until I got my own place, which he agreed to do. I then started going thru my personal belongings and got rid of what I knew I didn't want any more. All I wanted to be concerned with when I left was what I wanted to take with me. Nothing else.

I called my daughter to see if I could stay with her for awhile. She told me to come on. I didn't have a job. The only income I had was my one weekend a month check from being a soldier in the Army National Guard.

So I chose the day I would leave. I packed only a bag and told my husband I was going to stay at my daughters. He called me that night and we got into an argument. He told me not to bother coming back home. I told him don't worry about it I wasn't. But then at 5:00 pm the next day he calls wanting to know what time I was going to be there. He had cleaned the house and cooked a nice supper. You have got to be kidding me! I finally got it thru his head I wasn't coming back. And the whole hell of a story started from there on getting the divorce. Which is another story all together.

My XH was a recovering addict. He had around 12 years clean under his feet when we met. For whatever reason he never trusted me. He had a foot fetish and preferred that to sex. He never hit me, but shoved me around a lot. There was a lot of door slamming from him too. He only gave me so much money out of each check to figure out how to pay the bills. There was never enough. I found out later he was hoarding thousands in various places around his bedroom. And he always accused me of stealing the money he gave me and that's why the bills never got paid.

I just wanted to tell you gals my story to be able to hear another scenario side of things. I wish ya'll well and hope for the best on all ya'lls future lives. It might give ya'll some help in getting out and what to do to get prepared for leaving. Of course there is way more to this story, but I didn't want to write a novel on here. LOL

Also: On watching Dr. Phil a few days ago he said; "Physical abuse from either side is unacceptable. Drugs/Alcohol abuse is unacceptable. These are the two things a person has the right to say "NO" and get out.

TOD
Tiredofdrugs is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Tiredofdrugs For This Useful Post:
Adventure (06-30-2012), neferkamichael (06-30-2012), StarCat (07-02-2012), transformyself (06-30-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:26 AM.