transformyself

So regarding my two relationships that I'm leaving because, well, I want to, it's taken 17 years with AH and 3 with the NPD business partner, but I finally don't care what they say to or about me. Doesn't matter. What matters is my boundary, my belief that I've done everything humanly possible and they're not going to change and will continue to treat me in a way that is unacceptable, so they're done. goodbye.

It's pretty intense. NPD business partner is being super sweet, really trying to work me. I do at times start to feel guilty, but them I remember how she screamed at me when I called her to discuss her wanting me to give up my shares of the business to an investor, without her giving up any. We're 50/50 partners and the new agreement had me at 25%, the investors at 25% and her retaining her shares.

I called her to discuss and she screamed at me, ridiculed me and told me "Transform you dont' know anything about business!" Also, among other things, during this last ditch effort to communicate with her like an adult, she told me that she "made" me what I' am today.

This happens on a regular basis. Happened, that is. I remember getting off the phone and thinking, "she just lost the privilege of working with me." It was that simple.

And as far as AH is concerned, he and I have done this dance for literally 17 years and I've had enough. Last month, as he and I were getting ready to go to our sons 8th grade graduation, I was working with our 11 year old to get him out the door faster and AH called me both an a$$hole and a ******* nightmare IN FRONT OF HIM.

I thought, he just did that for the last time.

He makes me sick. He's a serial cheater, a raving drunk and regularly tries to bully me when drunk only. I no longer see him through loving eyes, I just take care of me and the kids and try to keep out of harms way.

Now, here on SR, myself and plenty of others folks post all day long about the horrific, unacceptable situations we're in, but we stay. We stay and complain and we stay and wish things were different, we stay and wonder what we're doing wrong, we stay and try to figure out why.

Somehow, someway, I have reached the point where I'm able to leave. The business partner will be getting notice next week that I'm working for 30 more days, then not working on the paper any more. I'll retain my 50% of the paper, seeing as how I didn't sign that new agreement the old one still stands, and not work anymore. She can either buy me out or dissolve the business.

The AH lives here with me and the kids, he pays almost all of the bills and I'm quitting the farce of a job I have (that pays me nothing while my business partner makes side deals with our advertisers. The bitch has been pimping me out for two years, because I let her) so I'll keep up the clear boundaries with him until I get on my feet financially again, but I'm oh so clear about leaving him as well.

It's very different from what I used to do, that horrible, devastating dance. You know? The one where my abuser treats me like crap, I recoil, become furious, fight and play victim until I've had enough, then they throw scraps at me so I stay with a thimble full of hope instead of the abundance the Universe has to offer.