Is this the end? -- Need ES&H badly

Old 06-17-2012, 12:26 PM
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Is this the end? -- Need ES&H badly

So my RAH and I got into a verbal argument yesterday over laundry (crazy I know) which was highlighted with his declaration that he's done with me and that he doesn't trust me and that as far as he knows I'm out there sleeping around. Well he didn't use sleeping, he used the f word. I told him I wasn't going anywhere because I've been dealing with this for 8 years and went through this the same time last year and I know it will pass. I'm also pretty sure there's another woman around. I don't feel they're sleeping together but he's definitely using her for attention I can't give because I work so much. Obviously this is not the first time this has happened. Last night I was so sure I was ready to just pack up and go, justified by the fact that he will inevitably regret his words and that I have dreams and goals that I don't feel he is very supportive of lately.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result so I'm trying to be different in my approach to this. I was always quick to pack and run only to end up right back with him. Granted he's not actively drinking but he's not working his program. I know that the disease makes me, the closest thing to him, the blame for all his current issues and resentments regardless of whether I was party to them or not and with him not actively working his program he's trying to make rational decisions with a diseased mind Yet knowing this isn't helping me decide what to do. I'm trusting my HP to guide me and today I'm not sure what to do. I spoke to a good friend of ours who we met when he was in detox and has been there for us this first year of recovery and she was even dumbstruck on the issue. I know nobody can tell me what to do, only I can decide what's best for me and I know the success rate of an alcoholic marriage is low because we both have to work our recovery separately. Yet there is that part that loves him so much and knows that when things are good they are great but when there bad it's hell. I'm just so confused inside right now so any ES&H would help.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 06-17-2012, 02:45 PM
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Eight years of the same crap is enough to send anybody over the deep end.

All I know for sure is,.. when you reach your limit, that swinging door never looked so good. I always knew it swung both ways, I just never applied it to my own life, and when that lightbulb moment came on, I took the opportunity to let myself out, and never looked back.

Of course there are obstacles and hard times, but nothing compared to living aboard the crazy train with an active alkie. Everything is so much easier without the chaos that life with an addict brings.

Just wanted to say I understand, you are not alone, my friend.
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Old 06-17-2012, 04:48 PM
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Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result so I'm trying to be different in my approach to this.
Here's another way of saying it: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

The goal is to win the victim back, at any price.
Alcoholics cling to co-dependents because they can't assume the responsibility of caring for themselves. By staying you're offering tacit approval for his behavior.
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