Having a bad day

Old 06-16-2012, 01:15 PM
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Having a bad day

Well after a relatively good week my weekend has turned to ****. After the stb ex AH left for Puerto Rico he has been nothing but hateful to me. Says he hates me, can't stand me, wants nothing to do with me. I have bit the worm a few times and responded with equally hateful words telling him what a horrible father he is for abandoning his kids, etc.

He says he is sober but he still sounds like his same old self with his "you hurt me so I'm going to bite back 10 times harder" routine. Thursday he tested me saying "I'm going to give you one more chance to be civil with me". I did not reply to that. I was civil with him. Even after I found out he was leaving without saying goodbye. He started with all the hate, but whatever.

So yesterday he tells my oldest son he's going to start school. Then he called me several times yesterday, I didn't answer but he left a voicemail asking for me to email him a copy of the tax refund so he can fill out the fasfa.

So supposedly he's sobered up and starting school and all it took was being away from us.
I find that hard to believe but ok. He's working no recovery program, It's just his happiness at being away from me that's working for him. His m.o. for as long as I've known him is to say things that aren't true just to gauge my reaction. He knows my buttons well and loves to push them.

Still I find myself being a little hurt that this could all be true. Chances are it isn't but since things have changed so drastically (him leaving the country) it makes me wonder.
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:03 PM
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peaceful seabird
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Can you do something for yourself tonight?

I like to watch funny, silly comedies to take away the bad day.

I also like ot give myself a foot massage. Aaaaahhh

Be kind to yourself.

Stop letting him take up so much space in your head, rent free. It's leaves you feeling like you just handed over your serenity on a silver platter. I know!
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Old 06-16-2012, 02:54 PM
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I'm working another 12 tonight. It's my weekend on. It's a distraction anyway.

This whole thing got started this morning when I had breakfast in the cafeteria after work. The thought popped into my head that the last time I did that he was still here. It was all downhill from there.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:22 PM
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He's full o' crap. Period.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:23 PM
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I'm pretty sure that leaving your wife and family isn't a cure for alcoholism. If it was, there'd be no more alcoholics and darn, the world would be a better place! Wouldn't it be sweet for addicts if recovery was that easy? All you have to do a selfish, smug jerk who abandons their loved ones and you will be cured! Oh, wait a minute...that's exactly the same garbage they were pulling when they were as drunk as skunks...selfish, smug, abandoning.

He hasn't changed. It's a clear as day. And he will be back to drinking again, if he isn't already. Don't let him rain on your parade. That's what he wants.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:51 PM
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That's what I figured. I guess I just needed confirmation.
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Old 06-16-2012, 04:49 PM
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Being Silent so I can Hear
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Stop replying to him? He's a big boy, he can get what he needs without assistance. If he's doing so good, they he shouldn't need his wife/mamma to help him out.

Concentrate on you and the kids!

What a douche. Geez.
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Old 06-16-2012, 05:11 PM
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This is just the typical blameshifting, gaslighting alcoholic denial and it has no merit whatsoever.

It is said to hurt, there is no basis in fact to what he says, if you look at it objectively , which is not easy to do, you will see it so clearly, I spent a long time trying to understand that which simply was not understandable. Alcoholics need chaos, and in order to get it they have to create it.

He slays you, then says he will be civil if you will be civil, really???? It's pretty civil to leave you wife, your kids, your life and run home to mommy , when the going gets tough, the tough go and manipulate mommy, no manning up here.

This will continue, I went no contact , and then resumed contact, the went no contact, and resumed again. I will tell you this, each time I cycled through protecting myself, making myself vunerable, I learned something. I think I am at the end of it, all I feel now is a bit of sadness, I think more for myself for what I allowed myself to endure, the anxiety is gone, the second guessing myself is gone, I know what I did wrong, and I don't need the forgivness of an alcoholic. And all of this just came to light this week. It will take time to muddle through, but you are not the cause of this behavior, you have nothing to feel bad for. These stories we tell and these trials we go through are so similiar, this is validation enough for me. From the minute I hit this forum I would read posts from others and say WOW is that my life, my xa said exactly that too etc etc.... I am not crazy, my life was in chaos because of some elses alchoholism and I let the idea of love , or the idea that he would get it, get in the way of me doing what somewhere deep inside I knew was the right thing to do, remove him from my life completely.

You are in my thoughts and you will come out of this happier and healthier than you can imagine right now. Katie oxoxo
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Old 06-20-2012, 11:53 AM
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I have a fafsa loan to go to school. Are you proceeding with divorce?? I'd hate to see you responsible for the loan in the end if you are still married!
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:41 PM
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Sounds like a bully, like he wants to get a response out of you. The best payback is not responding to anything he says that is hurtful. If you HAVE to respond, get to the point then back away quickly.
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