Dont get it!

Old 05-22-2012, 09:48 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Dont get it!

I don't understand how my separated AH has the audacity to treat me like I am the villain when he walked out on me 3 weeks ago. We barely speak, usually pertaining to our 4 year old daughter...but when we speak there is such contempt and hatred in his voice.

I have always been supportive of him during his 8 month stint in recovery and even when he left me I supported his relationship with our daughter. I am trying to hold it together but the most annoying part is he treats me like I walked out on him. He has no reason to be upset with me. I just want to be peaceful and everytime we interact he's forever annoyed with me.

I don't understand why.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:18 PM
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He's doing what alkie's do,
shift the focus,
blame everyone else,
twist the truth.
Their thought process is completely distorted. It's pure insanity.

Why care if he is annoyed with you? that's his issue, not yours.
Keep the conversation regarding the child short. "You are picking her up at 2 p.m. great," Click....... just hang up the phone.

Yes, it is difficult to not engage, but it's so very worth it, and so are you my friend, hang in there.
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Old 05-23-2012, 03:07 AM
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The only thing you have to get is that it is all a smoke screen.

My axb can twist the meaning of a scrambled egg.

It is impossible for him to take responsibility for anything but making sure the vodka is well stocked, the klonopin bottle is full, and there is nothing getting in the way of his right to party.

My feelings or the feelings of anyone else are inconsequential.

Just know that all of the things you see are real, there is nothing wrong with your thinking.

love to you Katie
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:00 AM
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He feels like crap, and the only way he thinks he can feel a bit better is to make everyone else feel like crap........
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Old 05-23-2012, 04:16 AM
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Hi, I sincerely feel for you. My axh did exactly the same thing but unfortunately I played right into his hand and nearly had a nervous breakdown over it. You've done the right thing talking about it on here and I agree with what has been said in the other comments.......its all a smoke screen to take the focal point off of his drinking. Remember, the only person you have to answer to is your daughter. She's your number one priority. Good luck with it all.
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:41 AM
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It doesn't sound as if he's working on recovery. It sounds as if he's still doing what he does best and then he's blaming you (as others said here) so he takes the focus off of himself, who he can't face yet. He's a sick person who doesn't sound as if he is working on getting well. Compassion with detachment, but not too much compassion.

Stay strong, we support you here. Counseling or even self-help books help. Al Anon may help you to see your own patterns of behavior so you don't choose a similar man in a different body. (I've done that)

Years ago I read Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them. That was an eye-opener!

Codependent No More is good.

Take care of you, it really doesn't matter what he thinks at this point. Keep conversations about the child and talk with your child a lot. Make sure the child is in a good place so she can grow into a healthy young woman.

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