Husband drink problem?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4
Husband drink problem?
Hi, I am new here. I have been with my husband for 23 years, it is a happy marriage and we have 2 gorgeous kids.
My problem is this, I am not sure whether my husband has a drink problem or not. He never drinks at home or when he does it's only 2 beers and usually at the weekend. He holds down a top management position and we live abroad, we are expats.
However when we go out socially and he drinks he seems to get to a point where he cannot stop drinking and nothing will get in his way. We went out Saturday night with a large group of friends and he drank about 4 pints, after 4 pints he seems to hit a point of no return and has to drink more and more, thing is at 42 years of age is this normal? I drank 3 glasses of wine and said no more because I knew I'd had enough if I can do this why can't he? At the end of the evening he was loud, not violent or obnoxious but just behaving like an idiot and embarrasing me.
He doesn't particularly crave alcohol or anything but just seems to be unable to stop once he's started. He has always been this way but now I'm getting really fed up with it and I feel at 42 years old he should have calmed down, I can understand this behaviour from a 20 year old but not someone of his age.
Thanks for any advice.
My problem is this, I am not sure whether my husband has a drink problem or not. He never drinks at home or when he does it's only 2 beers and usually at the weekend. He holds down a top management position and we live abroad, we are expats.
However when we go out socially and he drinks he seems to get to a point where he cannot stop drinking and nothing will get in his way. We went out Saturday night with a large group of friends and he drank about 4 pints, after 4 pints he seems to hit a point of no return and has to drink more and more, thing is at 42 years of age is this normal? I drank 3 glasses of wine and said no more because I knew I'd had enough if I can do this why can't he? At the end of the evening he was loud, not violent or obnoxious but just behaving like an idiot and embarrasing me.
He doesn't particularly crave alcohol or anything but just seems to be unable to stop once he's started. He has always been this way but now I'm getting really fed up with it and I feel at 42 years old he should have calmed down, I can understand this behaviour from a 20 year old but not someone of his age.
Thanks for any advice.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you and listen.
It doesn't matter what label we put on your husband's behavior: alcoholic, problem drinker, binge drinker, or buzzer. His behavior with alcohol is a problem for you.
It makes you uncomfortable. It is a problem.
Unfortunately, there isn't anything I can suggest to get you to change his behavior. He has to want to change.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the three C's of my loved ones alcoholism:
I did not Cause it
I can't Control it
I wouldn't Cure it
The issue was his. His to own, and his to fix if he wanted.
I needed to find ways to quit focusing on his behavior and take better care of myself. Alanon meetings were very helpful to me. Reading here at SR helped and reading some self-improvement books also helped me find my way.
Please stick around and keep sharing. We care about you!
I hope you will make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you and listen.
It doesn't matter what label we put on your husband's behavior: alcoholic, problem drinker, binge drinker, or buzzer. His behavior with alcohol is a problem for you.
It makes you uncomfortable. It is a problem.
Unfortunately, there isn't anything I can suggest to get you to change his behavior. He has to want to change.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the three C's of my loved ones alcoholism:
I did not Cause it
I can't Control it
I wouldn't Cure it
The issue was his. His to own, and his to fix if he wanted.
I needed to find ways to quit focusing on his behavior and take better care of myself. Alanon meetings were very helpful to me. Reading here at SR helped and reading some self-improvement books also helped me find my way.
Please stick around and keep sharing. We care about you!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 585
hi madhusband - that actually sounds a lot like my husband for many years. Once he got started, all bets were off. Never violent, but most often embarrassing...I've had to pull him out of public fountains multiple times (yes, seriously), I've had to guide him home all stumbly, and he's embarrassed me with his behavior at family gatherings and outings with friends (back when we actually *had* friends). I'm not sure if my husband's alcoholic tendencies were always there, but they "blossomed" over the last couple of years. I can't tell you whether he's an alcoholic, but Pelican hit it right on the money - if it's a problem for you, then it's a problem.
Sending hugs your way!
Sending hugs your way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4
Thanks all. He got very drunk in Germany 1 year ago and ended up in a strip club and managed to spend £7,000 on a bar bill, now he was ripped off there was nothing else going on, I know he would never do anything, I know him too well and I do trust him. This may sound naive but it's how it is.
After this happened he stopped drinking completely for 6 months. However he has now gone back to it and we are back to the same thing even though he promised that he would not get drunk again and would listen if I told him he'd had enough.
Last Saturday he sent a text to one of the guys there asking him if he'd like to go on to a bar because the restaurant we were at were closing but thankfully this guy said no because it was time to go home, somebody with sense! However this is clear to me that at this point he did want to drink more and he was already gone.
I seriously do not know what to do at this point, he is in Dubai this week on business and back on Friday, I only found out about the text thing today when my friend told me about it.
I am so close to just going back home to the UK with the kids and leaving him here to wallow in his alcohol problem. Not sure how much longer I can do this. I am soooo angry right now.
After this happened he stopped drinking completely for 6 months. However he has now gone back to it and we are back to the same thing even though he promised that he would not get drunk again and would listen if I told him he'd had enough.
Last Saturday he sent a text to one of the guys there asking him if he'd like to go on to a bar because the restaurant we were at were closing but thankfully this guy said no because it was time to go home, somebody with sense! However this is clear to me that at this point he did want to drink more and he was already gone.
I seriously do not know what to do at this point, he is in Dubai this week on business and back on Friday, I only found out about the text thing today when my friend told me about it.
I am so close to just going back home to the UK with the kids and leaving him here to wallow in his alcohol problem. Not sure how much longer I can do this. I am soooo angry right now.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
