m1k3

You can by focusing on yourself. You have no control over what he does. Just because you're at home and you see him leave doesn't mean he is actually going to go to work. He might decide to head to a bar and get wasted. Maybe instead of just a couple of drinks he'll get wasted at work. If it has gotten to the point where he is drinking at work you can't count on his judgement.

What you do have control over is the decisions you decide to make so that you can take care of yourself and your child.

Your friend,

MrsA

Mike, you are very wise, you're right, I can't trust his judgment really! I'm going to speak to a friend about having a few days with them to get a break away with my little girl x

SoaringSpirits

My AH was drinking at work as well. He owns his own business, so he's the boss, which is unfortunate because there are no direct consequences for his boozing at work. I learned this pretty late in the game, right around the time I booted him out. He would come home in a foul mood and order everyone around and I did not realize it was because he was halfway tanked by the time he got home at 6pm. Then he'd pour his first glass of wine. He'd be pretty out of it fast. Looking back, I know now that he was hitting the alcohol in his office. God knows how many times he's driven intoxicated.

I actually went to his office the day I kicked him out and found 6 huge bottles of vodka stashed there. At that point I knew the problem was far more serious than I'd had courage to admit.

Please have a plan in place for when things go south, because they will. Start organizing finances and protecting yourself. Have an exit plan. It's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN. It's true when they say this is a progressive sickness. It continually gets worse. I am seeing this in my AH, who has an even more serious addiction a year after I finally drew my line in the sand.

bonami

Absolutely true. My former co-worker progressed to drinking heavily during lunch on days his boss was not around, and coming back intoxicated, and also not caring who saw him. Of course the boss heard about it. He also started missing assignments. He finally hit his bottom and went to rehab, and when he came out, he wanted to return to work. But even tho he was a senior manager and a very long-time, trusted employee, the bosses decided they'd had enough of him, and he lost his job. No second chances.

Please always think about yourself and your child first. Don't worry about what he is going to do if/when you are not there. If he wants to drink, he will, nothing you can do will change that. Sending you strength!

Justfor1

Not giving him money will not stop him. Alcohol is cheap & the alcoholic will always find ways to get some.

MrsA

He worked today and came back, I knew he'd had something but he denied it, then when I pressed him he admitted to having had one can. I told him please don't drink today because our baby is sick (I'm sick too, we both have colds) and it's her first time being ill so I'd like his help. He sobered up pretty quickly but said he hadn't had control over it. So I said so can I ever rely on you if I need you not to drink, he said YES. But I can't, can I? xx

akrasia

No, sadly.

A silver lining in all this is that your parents are alive and not too far away and have a place where you and your baby could stay. I know it wasn't the plan, and that's a terrible feeling, but seriously thank god you're not facing going into a shelter!

And try to just wipe away the shame and the bargaining. Someone's who drinking at work is too far gone to see reason. And none of this has anything to do with you! You had a child with someone and instead of rising to the challenge of parenthood he decided to have a little breakdown. Not your fault at all.

steve11694

I LOVE that animated emoticom.


For those that insist on trying to reason with the alcoholic, please put on a helmet.