The text that changed everything.... I cant stop crying
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: lafayette, tn
Posts: 18
The day that this is true he'll be saying how sorry he was for his faults instead of rubbing it in your face. he's got want sober for himself and change for himself not for some other woman. everytime i was ready to move on my husband would do this trick cause me to get jealous and i would take him back... and there wasn't always another woman it was just talk. i'm slowy coming to terms that i may not be the one that wakes him up. but i am going to be the one that moves on in the end. one day at a time and keep praying he'll get better and not be jealous when that happens... we all deserve happiness... keep your head up do what's best for you but also keep an open mind that what he says may not always be the truth. good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 390
If he's that blissful he wouldn't even be thinking of you let alone hammering that message to you the way he has. It's obvious to us but doesn't hurt any less. I agree, better to block it and not invite the bs. Also shows how you need to work on healing yourself, why are you so quick to believe him? He's shown nothing but untrustworthiness and given you heartache and misery for 6 years - and yet you fall apart as soon as he utters something, and take it as the absolute truth? Recognize this as being about YOU, not him. As someone in Al anon once told me - they were a tumbleweed, blown about by the wind of others. Stop letting yourself be 'blown' around by anything he, or anyone for that matter says - take back your power.
When I was 17 i became involved in a 6 year tumultuous relationship. One fall just before our final year of university (I was 23 then) he took a family trip to the place where he'd had a childhood sweetheart - they'd remained friends but he told me they would be visiting her family but she was traveling. He told me just before leaving he wanted to marry me etc etc. After calling once they arrived, I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks and I couldn't reach them either. I was in such a panic, had no idea what was up with such silence. When he came home he said we needed to talk and this is what he told me - I rekindled my relationship with her (he said he really didn't know she would be there - BS!!!), I don't love you anymore, I'm in love with her and we're getting married next August. Within that 2 weeks he had looked into transferring schools, looking into apartments....talk about being blindsided. For weeks I lamented losing him, in shock, until he tried to sleep with me. He still wanted some action until he actually made the move to be with her!!! And he succeeded in getting me to bed the first time because I was vulnerable (after that I wised up and cut him off) but look what she was already getting - a cheater. I realized pretty quickly that she wasn't the lucky one getting some stellar prize of a man, I was lucky to get that loser out of my life!
And through friends I heard that the wedding was awkward, they didn't seem happy somehow, and they were divorced a year later.
Don't let him dictate your state of mind - you're giving way too much power to someone who is sick and delusional about his own state of mind.
When I was 17 i became involved in a 6 year tumultuous relationship. One fall just before our final year of university (I was 23 then) he took a family trip to the place where he'd had a childhood sweetheart - they'd remained friends but he told me they would be visiting her family but she was traveling. He told me just before leaving he wanted to marry me etc etc. After calling once they arrived, I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks and I couldn't reach them either. I was in such a panic, had no idea what was up with such silence. When he came home he said we needed to talk and this is what he told me - I rekindled my relationship with her (he said he really didn't know she would be there - BS!!!), I don't love you anymore, I'm in love with her and we're getting married next August. Within that 2 weeks he had looked into transferring schools, looking into apartments....talk about being blindsided. For weeks I lamented losing him, in shock, until he tried to sleep with me. He still wanted some action until he actually made the move to be with her!!! And he succeeded in getting me to bed the first time because I was vulnerable (after that I wised up and cut him off) but look what she was already getting - a cheater. I realized pretty quickly that she wasn't the lucky one getting some stellar prize of a man, I was lucky to get that loser out of my life!
And through friends I heard that the wedding was awkward, they didn't seem happy somehow, and they were divorced a year later.
Don't let him dictate your state of mind - you're giving way too much power to someone who is sick and delusional about his own state of mind.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
The active alcoholics brain is fried and getting ever crispier with each additional drink.
He may believe he has new enablers, new woman(en) and even their kids to bring him the beer/booze cans, glasses, or bottles.
It all may be a fabrication.
Basically the hurtful stuff he tells you is him projecting his own "self hatred" at you.
They are very ill people.
He may believe he has new enablers, new woman(en) and even their kids to bring him the beer/booze cans, glasses, or bottles.
It all may be a fabrication.
Basically the hurtful stuff he tells you is him projecting his own "self hatred" at you.
They are very ill people.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
My brother did stuff like this!
He was widowed and not in any one serious relationship, so guess he was free to do as he wished in that respect.
But, when I was at his house one day he told me he'd just sent the same text to 3 women, when I asked him why he told me that the one that responded would be the easiest. (I'm not saying you're easy, I think he meant easiest to manipulate)
He never stayed with any woman longer than a few weeks, apart from his wife and even then he strayed a few times.
He was widowed and not in any one serious relationship, so guess he was free to do as he wished in that respect.
But, when I was at his house one day he told me he'd just sent the same text to 3 women, when I asked him why he told me that the one that responded would be the easiest. (I'm not saying you're easy, I think he meant easiest to manipulate)
He never stayed with any woman longer than a few weeks, apart from his wife and even then he strayed a few times.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Yeah, this dude is a jerk. No emotionally healthy guy thinks it's cool to befriend an ex so he can rub his so-called happy life in her face.
If this were my situation, I'd go no contact, and thank the gods that I wasn't with him anymore. What an ass!
If this were my situation, I'd go no contact, and thank the gods that I wasn't with him anymore. What an ass!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
Think for one moment.... If he is so centered, happy, serene, why does he feel the need to contact you? You know the answer. It's just the need to perpetuate abuse. A MAN, truly in recovery, would be humble and compassionate regarding what he has lost. Hang in there sister, he's just fishing, trying to see which hook will get you to respond.
I got one myself this afternoon.
After calling me absolutely unprintable things in my last (and I do mean LAST) phone conversation with the darling AXF, his voicemail today suggested that he take me out to dinner or something, because he was good for that. Maybe not for living with, but good for dinner and a movie. DELUSIONAL!!!!!!!!!
I called my sister and had a good laugh!
Glad you are here.
Hugs
I got one myself this afternoon.
After calling me absolutely unprintable things in my last (and I do mean LAST) phone conversation with the darling AXF, his voicemail today suggested that he take me out to dinner or something, because he was good for that. Maybe not for living with, but good for dinner and a movie. DELUSIONAL!!!!!!!!!
I called my sister and had a good laugh!
Glad you are here.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by justrae83 
...
My ex texted me that he is the happiest he has ever been and that his new love for the new women and her 4 kids are making him be the man he always knew he could be.
...
My ex texted me that he is the happiest he has ever been and that his new love for the new women and her 4 kids are making him be the man he always knew he could be.
...
What a sad, dillusional place it must be inside his mind. I feel bad for this new woman and her children.
(((((justrae))))) I'm sorry that you are hurting, and hope and pray that you will soon realize you are worth so much more than this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Thank you everyone for you kind words, I understand no contact and I understand he was being crewel, I just wanted to share another reason why getting involved with and addict is SO HORRIBLY AWFUL. The funny thing is, when he sent me that REALLY long email about how she bought him a car, there getting married in 4 months, how he loves taking care of her children, how in love he is and blah blah blah…I keep thinking, why her not me. But, the reason he choose her and not me is because GOD IS WATCHING OUT FOR ME and loves me enough to pull me from Hell. The power of my exes words were so hurtful and crewel that I didn’t understand the point of it but to manipulate me once again.
Thank you all for your words of engorgement, has anyone else experienced this type of behavior?
Thank you all for your words of engorgement, has anyone else experienced this type of behavior?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Originally Posted by justrae83
…I keep thinking, why her not me.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Sounds more like a malicous attack toward you. I don't see him changing for her or the kids. I'm sorry he is still pulling you in, but I agree with the above that if he truely was a changed happy man he would not feel the need to contact you in efforts to hurt you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
You know what they say about fast friends.........
Major red flags here.
Not only is your ex a creeper, he is living a grand illusion.
My heart goes out to those 4 kids.
Time to go live your best life........
Let it go, and move forward.
Wishing you all good things in your new life.
Major red flags here.
Not only is your ex a creeper, he is living a grand illusion.
My heart goes out to those 4 kids.
Time to go live your best life........
Let it go, and move forward.
Wishing you all good things in your new life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 94
I'm preparing myself for this type of behavior from AH I left a few weeks ago.... it will come just as soon as he can lure a new victim into his web. The only reason he doesn't have a new one yet (usually he rolls from one relationship to the next with overlap) is that I blindsided him by actually sticking to my boundary for once.
However, when I first left I got iterations of this such as texts stating that "now he is SO happy to be free of me, that he is happy to just take the 'shirt on his back,' get none of his stuff from our house"... he was THAT happy to not deal with me anymore, etc. They are so insecure that they will do ANYTHING to make you think that they are happy. IMHO, this is because you/I have seen their true colors and know who they really are. I'm guessing he is so ashamed of the person that he really is that he will stop at nothing to rub it on your face that he is NOT that person anymore and YOU caused him to be (yeah right). My AH is hellbent on making me think I did this to him... sounds like your's is doing the same. It's all BS... stay strong girl! xx
However, when I first left I got iterations of this such as texts stating that "now he is SO happy to be free of me, that he is happy to just take the 'shirt on his back,' get none of his stuff from our house"... he was THAT happy to not deal with me anymore, etc. They are so insecure that they will do ANYTHING to make you think that they are happy. IMHO, this is because you/I have seen their true colors and know who they really are. I'm guessing he is so ashamed of the person that he really is that he will stop at nothing to rub it on your face that he is NOT that person anymore and YOU caused him to be (yeah right). My AH is hellbent on making me think I did this to him... sounds like your's is doing the same. It's all BS... stay strong girl! xx
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