Mambo Queen

I was thinking about your situation too. I have to agree with the other posters whose main concern is for the children. And I have to disagree with the people who told you that you shouldn't call CPS, because to me, having both parents passed out and too drunk to care for their children IS neglect. Certainly the children having to continue to stop and pick up their passed-out mother as they walk home is neglect. Isn't it the case that CPS can be called anonymously? That should take care of any guilt you may feel, and I'm sorry, but in this situation, if you thought you would be talked out of it, I wouldn't even tell your wife.

Why am I harping on all of this when your BIL is doing better at the present time? Because from all I have seen of alcoholism, I would be shocked if this ends up being his one and only dance at the recovery rodeo with nary a relapse. So just keep the advice above in mind if/when he relapses and the problems start up again.

akrasia

Hello,

You've got some caring advice from others on this board.

I hope it's all right if I tell you: I had a crazy older brother who became obsessed with me and molested me when I was 12-13. I used to literally run around the house hiding from him. The family was undergoing a lot of crap and were all determined not to see it, instead just castigating me for acting so strangely. Matrix of denial, blahblahblah.

So fast-forward 25 years, and my aunt (mom's sister) tells the adult me that she figured out what was going on. I was stunned. I thought no one knew! She said she could tell. She was a high school teacher in a large city school, had experience in all sorts of issues like that. She goes on to say: "I mentioned it to your mother and asked whether you might like to stay with me for a while. Your mother said no, so..."

So... she backed off and decided that it was better for me to go through that than for her to be the bad guy.

I don't speak to that aunt today. Even typing this makes me so full of rage. In a strange way I'm MORE angry at her than at anyone else involved, because she looked at it with clear eyes and just said, "Nah, not worth it."

Please don't be my aunt. Even if BIL is in recovery, he can't watch alkie mom all the time and I guarantee your nieces are getting some pretty scary experiences with alcohol-induced psychoses from their mom. Please check in on them/

eaglegroup

First let me thank you both for your support and advice. When I first posted about this issue back in March, I really had no idea what to do. With the support and advice from everyone on this forum, you all have truly helped me in immeasurable ways.

Akrasia, your history with your brother and your aunt is really disturbing. I am so so sorry you had to go thru all of that. My heart aches for you.

Things with my ABIL are still all good. I pray for all involved it stays that way