jblocutus1701d

He gave me the choice, we're building on our friendship and if it happens it happens. I want to be there for him particularly because I have such strong feelings for him. He matters to me and him having comfort and support is important to me as he doesn't get it from many other people.

fourmaggie

IMO...i dont understand why this needs to be all about him? and why does he get to "choose"...you have choices also and i hope you understand that....AA and being sober is a struggle in its own rite..why cant you give him the rite to do what best for him...? and then do whats best for you?

please read and read and read somemore on AA literature and Al Anon..

do you know it takes at least 1 year to 1 1/2 years for his brain to be healthy again...that it needs to guided by a sponsor on sensitive "thinking"....

sorry about my attitude about this but in order for him to be healthy, is to be sober and its alot to take in, never mind a girlfriend in the wings....

jblocutus1701d

fourmaggie, I see what you're saying. He chose to take a break and just be friends for now. He gave me the choice as to whether or not it's what I wanted too and I chose to give it a try. I also know that it's not all about him, the program is though. As I stated earlier I'm going to be doing some soul searching and working on myself as well. My outlook in this has changed after thinking on it from different angles. If it's meant to be it will; but as for right now I love him and I want to be there for him. If it gets to be too much or too painful don't doubt that I will walk away or take a few steps back. There's a bittersweet quote that I found a while ago and I rediscovered it recently.
"Truth is, every one is gonna hurt you, you just gotta find the one's worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
I look at it differently now than I did when I found it initially. To me it's more of the "worth it" part and the "suffering for" part; the second someone isn't worth your time or effort you need to realize this and to stop them from causing you pain. I'm not going to be banging my head against any brick walls here. I'm just going to focus on the awesome friend that I have now because, in a lot of ways, he knows me better than anyone else, and vise versa, and that's special to me.
At first when I posted this I was heart broken and crushed and I wanted hope..it's not about that anymore. Now I know that I can have a little hope for what MAY lay ahead but to not expect anything and to just focus on right now-for myself. I'm always living in the past or the future's uncertainties and that's not fair to anybody.
Again, this isn't ALL about him, it's about me and the worry and hurt I felt. Now, he's doing his thing and I'm doing mine and we can share in our achievements and offer encouragement to each other, and I'm leaving it at that for now. What's done is done and whatever happens from here on out, is whatever happens.

NYCDoglvr

I hope you're not pinning your dreams on an alcoholic. It simply isn't a good bet. I'm an alcoholic (20 years in recovery) and will say early recovery is one of the hardest things to endure in life,, emotional volatility, which lasts months. If he is to stay sober the focus must be on his sobriety and that help comes from a program like AA. Alcoholics aren't good at relationships ... we're self-centered, self-willed and self-involved. That changes over time if we work very hard in therapy and/or steps.

I know it's hard to understand that there is nothing you can do or say that will keep him from drinking or staying sober.

fourmaggie

this is the HEALTHY way...for you...we all come to al anon for the alkie in our lives and realize so much more..for me was my enabling and now realizing I am so much worth more than dishonest and disrespect .....

keep looking forward