TakingCharge999

So I was brought up to speed that one of my customers at work believe I and other coworkers "have no skills"

We have been supporting this huge account for years, I have lost sleep and personal life and this is what I get

It brought me down though, because I feel its true.. I know I am not totally in love with my career of choice and do not know as much as I should, and worst, am not that interested/passionate about it as I was before.

I feel upset knowing other people talk about me under this light. Its like when I know others have gossiped about me socially, leaves a very uneasy feeling. I feel like I need to clean up my aura somehow...

Needed to remind myself what others think of me is none of my business...

Thanks for letting me vent.
Tc999

Willybluedog

It is so hard when you know people are talking about you, you want to let it go in one ear and out the other, but it is like someone throwing acid on you.

You know that is one of the great things about coming here, I know everyone here knows what I have been through, no one is going to throw acid on me here, everyone here can see under my skin, see all the wounds, I long to say to those who don't understand my pain f-you, you have no right to judge me, you have not walked in my shoes, shoes filled with broken glass, how dare you make assumptions based on your safe "normal" life.

It's like right now, all those defending Joe Paterno, I was attacked by a molester, and I have no sympathy for those who don't stand up for the defenseless, these people should not have peaceful dreams.

Sorry for ranting, I am hurting tonight, and your post hit a nerve with me.

Thank you all for being there for me.

nicam

Hi, TC! I can totally relate and remember being unenthusiastic about my career in advertising. People do notice, and it sure does make you uneasy to say the least.

We had two camps: those of us who were not in love with the work; those who were. Each side would gossip about each other. WE were lazy and didn't have necessary skills or care to develop them, and THEY were goody-two-shoed kiss a**es who had no life outside of work and let the bosses take advantage of them.

Maybe it's time for a career change? I left and never looked back (actually got fired because XABF took up all of my mental energy, but was about to quit that same day anyway, so it wasn't THAT big of a deal). Now in between lingering fits of rage over XABF I am trying to find myself again and figure out what career choice will bring me true happiness and fulfillment for the many years to come. We deserve to be happy! And ya, screw those goody-two-shoed kiss a**es! LoL.

choublak

Try looking at it as a form of flattery. You are on their minds. Like a mini-celebrity.

TakingCharge999

Willy I also had experiences of sex abuse and when I hear people doing rape jokes (happened some weeks ago) I have to take a REALLY deep breath. I do not know how people can laugh about something like that. Very frustrating but at the same time we cannot change anyone... I do not know Joe Paterno but I feel I do not want to know who he is. I also like SR because I feel real and human and not playing any role other than myself, very refreshing. Hope you feel better soon.

nicam lol, thanks for the empathy. Yes people do notice your lack of enthusiasm. They have said I am "not present" I guess its true. Well I took an arts class and have an upcoming exhibition (maybe it gets delayed and I am not here for the opening damn!! but anyway I feel great about my participation, a satisfaction I was not expecting). I am also thinking about a new career, something related to the arts, although here (I guess everywhere) its very difficult to get money out of it but it feeds my soul! so at least I have to make efforts and not be fired LOL. I am starting to get very excited about the prospect of studying a second career in something artistic! even if it just a hobby and not a money maker. I would be glad to PAY for something I wake up excited about.

choublak LOL choublak. Thank you for the laugh. I am feeling better after sharing here what I really feel. I also told the guy who I talked to, I know I should be "on your face" about accomplishments with the bosses, mention how much I work at every opportunity, try to be no.1 in everything but my spirit is not competitive. Its just against my nature. I like to get things done and help others achieve their tasks (codie!). Guess there is no way an engineer with a hippie attitude to advance the corporate ladder LOL. Then I am thinking if that is what I want, more responsibility, more stress and even less sleep and personal time...

I was thinking it might have to do with some boundaries I have placed, before I lived as a workaholic, so now they do not see me around all the time (as opposed to them working 24x7) and I guess that reads as lack of interest. In any case I know there is a real lack of interest going on apart of this. I hope HP sends me more signs..

HP if you are reading this, please show me clearly, which other path would be more fitting for me..

naive

tc-

in my experience, people talk about you when you threaten their falsely held beliefs. i feel that people like us challenge the status quo...that makes people uncomfortable...so, they put us down in order to feel better about themselves or to selfishly hold onto something they want...for example, in this case, their job or job status.

at the end of life, what you did or didn't do is wholly between you and your HP. whenever someone puts me down or misinterprets my benevolent actions, i always remind myself...it's between me and god...

ultimately, when your sense of self-worth comes from within yourself, you won't bother about the naysayers...because you will know, in your heart, that your motivation is pure...in an impure world such as this one, good people are always persecuted...it's just the way it is here on earth....

you keep on your path and continue to take the higher road...

for me, the call of the day is "let it go"...let it go...i'll even bow my head to them and say "i am sorry if i have offended you in any way, it was not my intention"...i've discovered that it is impossible to argue with someone if they choose the path of peace...the hard feelings dissolve immediately within me when i take the ugly hit straight on, forgive them, pray for courage and endurance to go the way of Truth and Love and Peace, and go on my way, without even bothering to defend myself.

i'm tired of what i'll term "energy leaks"...giving MY energy to negative energy...it's so much more peaceful to just accept, without judgement, that's just where those people are at in their spiritual evolution...it's got nothing to do with me...it's just where they are at...

let them think what they want. i, for one, could not care less. it's their issue, not mine.

naive

Willybluedog

naive,

Thank you, that was really excellent advice, I have never thought of it as energy leaks, but that makes a ton of sense to me.

Thanks again,

Bill

MsPINKAcres

TC ~ I hate so much that you were the "target" of the day for the office "punching" bag ~ that seems to happen every so often around every job I have ever had ~ One wise woman I worked with said look at it this way if they are talking about you today, you are giving the rest of us a break and we really truly appreciate it; you have helped us have a lighter day! Tomorrow, one of us will take the load off your shoulders ~

I'm not sure why, but hurting people just hurt people ~

I agree with the concept of just asking your HP for healing for them ~ We all know we can probably do a little better always - so we try to do our best and let go of the rest!

Hang in there ~ you know you are always welcome here with your SR Family!!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

LaTeeDa

Apologies in advance TC as this is likely to be a long post. There are some paralells in your situation and mine, so I will share my strategy and plans with you even though your options and choices are likely to be different since you are much younger than I am.

First of all, there are many positives here for you. You recognize that you are not as passionate as you once were about your chosen profession. This is a good thing to happen, especially since you have not yet poured all the years of your life into it. You are self-aware enough to see that a life change may be in order while you are still young. Bravo.

I have spent the last twenty years working in IT, fifteen of them in the same position. Like you, I was once passionate about this line of work. Over the years, many things have changed, both inside and outside of me. These changes have had the cumulative effect of a loss of passion and enthusiasm about the job.

In the past, I might have either continued down a road that left me feeling unfulfilled, or jumped ship without a plan and ended up in a worse situation. In recovery I have learned that very few things are completely one way or the other. There are many gray areas between black and white. So, I am working on changing my situation, with both a plan for the future and an open mind.

As most people here already know, this plan started around three years ago when I discovered a passion for photography. I didn't know then what to do about it, but I knew without a doubt that I had to do it. Since then, I have worked very hard on learning *how* to do it. And although I have much more to learn, I have been able to see some progress. A few months ago, I opened an online gallery to sell my images and have been pleasantly surprised by steadily increasing sales. It's nowhere near enough to live on, but it's growing and I'm happy about that. Okay, so that is the part of the plan the dreamer/optimist in me is in charge of.

The other side of the coin is the realist/pragmatist in me. It is very unlikely I can make the kind of income from a career in the "arts" that I can in IT. That's just reality, and my plan has to deal with that reality. So, I have to take a hard look at all the things I want and filter that down into what I *really* want. This part has been very helpful to me in terms of recovery, and I'm still working on narrowing it down. But, I've noticed that when I consider honestly what I really want, many times the things I thought I wanted aren't all that important. In fact, there are even things on my list that I didn't really want at all, but were things I thought I *should* want just because they are expected in society. Like owning my own home, for example. If I honestly look at the pros and cons of owning a house, I have to say that the work/maintenance/expense outweighs the security for me. By doing this kind of analysis on all my different wants, especially those that have major financial cost attached, I have been able to picture a future where I can live on much less money than I have now.

The final piece of the puzzle is matching my income to what I actually want/need. And, I admit that I'm not there yet, but it does seem doable. The other thing that I have found as I go through this process is keeping an open mind is essential. If I get too stuck on the details of the plan, I miss choices and opportunities that may turn out to be better than what I have thought of so far. So, it's more like getting a general idea of where I want to go and letting the universe handle the details of how to get there.

I wish the best for you TC and I'm cheering you on all the way!! Let those people at work stew in their own negativity. Life has bigger plans for you!

L

choublak

This can be flipped around...

Wow, talking about you is probably the most exciting part of their day. Out of all the possible conversation topics, you have been "chosen". Be glad you could bring some excitement to their otherwise dull and boring lives, just by being yourself.

You are living rent-free up in someone's head.

I don't know, I've learned to look at it that way, and it doesn't bother me anymore when people talk about me.

theuncertainty

Hugs, TC. I've recently dealt with something similar, a customer decided it took too long for me to respond to his constant e-mails about his project status. Instead of giving me time to pull the information from the other departments, he went, not to my supervisor, but to the VP of the department to complain.

I was livid, even after the customer's supervisor came back and apologized to me and to my boss and the VP. However, the VP told me something along the lines of: Yes, the customer was out of line, TheUncertainty. He complained about scheduling because he has no idea how many departments you coordinate projects through, he has no idea how many applications and projects come across your desk. In short, he has no idea what your job is.

The VP added a comment that he knows I do my job well, but even aside from the kudos, his words helped me realize the customer was running off his mouth about a process he doesn't know anything about. It also helped me realize that the customer having unreasonable expectations (in this case, that I'd push his "simple" project in front of the others who actually planned) didn't mean I was doing anything incorrectly.

Hang in there. You do excellent work and remember that the customer contracts with your company for a service, which would imply that they don't have the skills needed to do your job, or to do it as well, or in as timely a manner as you do, or....

LifeRecovery

TC-

I feel like I might highjack your post a bit, but I was going to start my own about work too.

I got a new boss 2.5 years ago. I have been in my job 12 years and while I would like to move on with all of the rest of the craziness the last few years had brought this worked out. I have a lot of support from my coworkers (who know me and my ex), I own a home, make enough to pay the bills etc. I really got along well with my previous boss. I overall get along well where I work.

My new boss and I struggle, a lot. I am often in a dance with him where I have no authority but a lot of responsibility. I have attempted to talk with him about this on a couple of occasions and have not gotten very far. I have talked with my coworkers about it with some significant improvement when I have made some changes to myself. I actually approached the VP a number of months ago and went to him saying "I am struggling with "him" and I need help to know how to modify my own behavior?" That helped to.

Today he approached me again about how inappropriate I am, and a fight ensued. A number of hours later I sent an email saying that this kind of relationship did not work and what did he need from me to make this work better? Overall the meeting went pretty well, and I feel a lot better about it. At one point though he told me that I have a personality problem. I am really struggling with this idea. My coworkers don't think so (they have a ton of conflict with him also....not me), I have never had ongoing work-conflict like this before....but I am struggling in a similar way that I did in my relationship with my ex to realize that I am not always 100% of the problem.

I am not as enthusiastic as I once was about my job, but that does not mean that I am horrible at it. I get caught up in the black and white thinking though. In many ways thinking I have to be perfect feels like the codie in my kicking in.

Thanks for posting this today and letting me share my two cents. I hope you are able to get something out of it (like I have from yours).

Sometimes I feel like life is just one slow, big intervention on my recovery.

choublak

My father would tell me that regularly over the course of several years.

CatsPajamas

“What other people think about me is really none of my business”

As you can guess by my signature line, this topic is near and dear to my heart. There was a time in my life when I would have argued vehemently against that statement. I worked really hard to make people like me. I spent a lot of time judging my insides by other people’s outsides. And I let other people dictate who I was and how I was. My ex was a master at it. My mistake was in letting him define me all those years. My thought process was - he knew me better than anyone, so if he said it about me, it must be true.

Then I hit my own personal bottom. I found a program of recovery, and I started learning. I learned about myself, about my boundaries. As I started to untangle my life and myself from him I began to learn who I was. For the first time, I learned what I liked and didn’t like – apart from him.

And I learned I was powerless over what other people thought and said. And I, the ultimate people pleaser, learned that I was actually powerless over whether or not people liked me. Either they did or they didn’t … but that was about THEM and not about me.

At first it was terrifying, and then it was incredibly liberating. I could only worry about me. And I could work on being the best me I could be.

The lessons didn’t come easily, and I had to remind myself often. That’s why I have the signature line that I do. I don’t want to forget one of my most important lessons.

I’m sorry for your struggles, and I have to agree with the others who said that your co workers must have very boring lives so they have to talk about yours instead. It’s puzzling to those small minded people once they figure out you really don’t care what they think… and it’s a little bit fun if you let it be.

Hugs
Cats

laurie6781

You know what ........................... short version here of what I was going to type:

Screw them (all of them). You're a lot younger than I was. I was 43 you're 30? Heck Freedom was older than both of us when she went back to school and got her degree!!!!

Go Back to shcool, get that degree you want in the profession you want, and you will have a lot longer than I had to work at something you ENJOY.

Just be the BEST you can be today,

What other people think of you is none of your business, what YOU and HP think of you IS.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

TakingCharge999

You are all the BEST. Thank you so much to everyone!! I feel your are my "Wise Counselors"... like the "Elders of the Tribe"

It was funny in a way, I had an experience today that also showed me how someone wanted to feel good about himself making me look "bad" or "ignorant"... so there goes HP again testing me to see if its me or the other person... this one was easy, it was the other person... I thought "this man is not trustworthy" and now am trying to let it go. Sheesh. This time it was related to an artistic exhibition we are preparing! I am new to the "scene" and I already notice the drama, ego battles, pecking order etc... how stressful, the good news is that I am an outsider and not interested in MORE stress in life, to me this aspect is fun/distracting...


naive Energy leaks alright. Its great to remember its my decision to get MY energy back! thank you so much. I am amazed at your spiritual progress my friend, you have helped me a lot, from codie recovery to juicing to spiritual approaches...

TakingCharge999

PinkAcres thank you for your post and all your support so far. I agree, its hurt people who behave this way. Someone healthy would approach our manager and say "Manager, I have some constructive feedback for your team". Whew! handy tool after XABF, learning to discern between healthy/unhealthy attitudes..

TakingCharge999

OMG I have not had time to reply as I wish to all the posts, but I can´t wait to share some bit of news!

As of today I am a new student at a local Fashion academy! I ignored my negative thoughts and went through the motions. Called ,got info, made copies of the required documents , paid then fill in the forms they gave me. The semester starts in March which is perfect because I will be coming back from a trip then!!

I ALWAYS wanted to do this and now its reality I will be broke but am excited!

Thanks LTD for inspiring me again to do something artistic and follow the Creativity Call!

LaTeeDa

I'll take broke and happy over well-off and miserable any day! Way to go TC!

L

theuncertainty

Woot! Woot! I'm so excited for you, TC! Here's a fashion industry quote for you, purportedly by Coco Chanel, to augment CatsPajama's quote:

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.

Congrats on becoming a student!