MsPINKAcres

well that's just PINKfantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!

yip yip yipppeeeeee!!

Enjoy!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Willybluedog

Way to go TC, very proud of you for taking the leap.

TakingCharge999

Today I am having such a bad day at the office I am just crying out in disbelief.

Got a new team lead who is super rude, I made some mistakes and its like the End of the World is coming. Even had menaces about being let go. (Fortunately he does not make this decision, I have my own manager and he is a much better person and leader).

A lot of harsh words from his side. Borderline abusive in fact.
This man has issues.

I am trying to see this as an exercise on letting go but ahhh its hard.



At the same time, I also feel some progress was made as I shared some of my thoughts (such as: I am not going to have an optimal performance if the work prevents me to take care of basic needs such as food and sleep). My comment was ignored but I felt proud for saying it out loud.


I hope this kicks my butt so I move to another IT team elsewhere.
I had said this before but I was in a fog. Now I feel capable to actually take steps, knock doors.

PS
On the other hand I start my new career next week. I am excited. I told my sister I was tired of feeling exhausted, and not good enough -even working 60 hours and sacrificing a lot of things for unacknowledged/unthanked/unpaid work.

LifeRecovery

TC-

I have been struggling with my boss for some time.

I do best though (even in the chaos) when I realize how much I am growing from it.

I do get angry, but I never would have let myself before. I do stick up for myself and don't feel guility about it when I do.

What remain rough edges for me is not taking it personally. I also struggle with my presentation of my feelings. Finally (as always) it is hard for me to sort out what is mine and what is someone elses.

TakingCharge999

Thanks for understanding LR
Yes..

I am struggling seeing myself clearly, and not through the dismissive eyes of someone else

I have a meeting with my manager to discuss my long hours (he is also new on his position and hopefully cares) ..he had said he would move me to another team.. but I see nothing so far.. need to see how I can ease that transition.

LifeRecovery

Once I get a better handle on mine and someone else I don't usually struggle with the needed changes (for myself).

I hope the meeting goes well.

TakingCharge999

I still feel very upset and don't know if I will report the call to the ethics line.

Not that anyone would do anything, but he said some rude things such as "I will have to come down to your level". Very dismissive and I don't want to shut up as if its ok he talks to me that way.

LifeRecovery

I do my best with my boss when I think about what is best for me. Not if someone will do something about it, but will I feel better if I do/say/etc.

What will help you about this situation?

Willybluedog

TC,

So sorry about everything, big hugs to you.

I was a manager for many years and did quite a bit of HR work, my advice to you is.

1) Report this, get it on record now, don't let him get you over a barrel where he can then say your reporting him was sour grapes or as a way to save your job by burning him.

2) Use email whenever possible, especially whe he is giving you assignements or directions, this way he cannot say you did not do what was asked of you.

3) Get a bound composition book or a journal, one that the pages cannot be removed from, and document everything, arrival time, breaks, assignments, comments made by this person, absolutely everything, I started a new page for each day, and wrote down the time before each entry, you may want to just write everything on post-it notes and then write into your journal on your own time.

4) Let them see this journal, leave it open, the first thing they will think is that a lawyer has told you to do this for lawsuit purposes, it will cause them to be much more careful in how they speak to you. As long as you buy this journal yourself and write in it on your own time, they do not have a right to a copy of its contents.

Best of luck to you,

Bill

TakingCharge999

Bill thanks so much. Unfortunately we do not work on the same site so I do not know how showing the journal would work - perhaps mentioning I am doing one?

He yelled at me at 6AM when I asked about something technical. If I do it my way, its wrong, if I ask, its wrong. Quicksand. Good news: I didn't let it ruin my day.

Tonight he asked me to do something and neither my internet nor logins were working - I made him wait MINUTES, he asked me "yeesh, how difficult is to login to this site??" in a very demeaning/angry way.

I told him he didn't have to treat me this way.

He said he was tired and was just trying to help.

I feel the need to report these incidents as well.
One part of me wonders about him but the other sees he is like this and he won't change. I am glad I defended myself today.

Overall, exhausting.

akrasia

TC, it's time to round on him. Take charge of this. You'll be amazed at how easy it will be. Bullies are wimps.

Be very pleasant, smiley, and confident, and go and speak in his office. Tell him: "Bob, I'm excited to work on [project] with you. I need to make it clear that it's not acceptable for you to raise your voice to me or to be disrepectful. Moving forward, that's going to change." Smile.

He'll ab-dab and whine. You'll stand up and say, "That's all. I'm going to get myself a coffee, want one? No? Right, have a good day Bob." Smile, smile, smile.

And then record it.

I had an abusive boss who used to walk by the work area of the small team I supervised and sneer and say things like, "You're still working on that? That's not done yet?" Sort of making a show of it. Once I was literally on the floor fixing something, having worked until 10 the night before. She came by and did the same thing--clearly she was just trying to show what a tough boss she was, or whatever. I had just had it. I stood up, smiled, said, "Wow, I hope that's not your idea of a performance review. If you've got some insights as to how this work can be improved I'd love to hear them, but the drive-bys are not appreciated."

I thought, there goes my job. But she actually emailed later to apologise!

TakingCharge999

Thanks akrasia but as I said we are not in the same workplace (different countries)

Anyway I am trying to be professional and not entangle. (Difficult.)

Today he has questioned something I did not do over a week ago, the good thing is that I had records about the following day, a hellish day where we had other urgent things to do (the man knows this! we interacted all afternoon). So I answered "this is what I did".
So far no reply.

Anyway I went today to talk to my manager. Apparently this bully & someone else have done really bad reviews of my job. I felt really bad but also angry and frustrated.

They REALLY don't give a damn about the good things nor do they care about 60 hour weeks.

So I did not even mention the bully knowing I would not be supported.

I also asked to keep my current schedule (basically they have owned my time, whatever whenever during the day, night, holidays, weekends..) and the manager said NO, we don't want you working from home anymore, and we want you to be here from 8 to 5.

I said, hum, I got commitments during the morning. The manager said "he would discuss it with my leads".

This is just BS and disrespectful to my work so far. I kind of cried but not so much, I guess I am not feeling sad like a poor hard worker but more angry for being an idiot and staying somewhere where the hours are abusive, and now the treatment is abusive.

fourmaggie

I was brought back to in my early years of my marriage/dating 21 years ago being at a work place....the women there cut me up, talked behind my back...and about my engagement to then about my fiance and i...it was awefull...i remember these wise words from my belated husband saying exectly that @NAIVE

I knew i was learning something in that work place and now bringing me to NOW...i was strong enough to bring my EX boss to court for UNPAID wages, and WON!!!

my HP has been watching over me for years...i know that now...what a blessing to have my HP and my late husband in my life!!

TakingCharge999

Yesterday night it was stressful

Today I replied to one email and Mr Jerk told me "no! this is not the last email in the conversation!" (the last email said exactly the same things)

Whew.

Anyway I got a couple of comments from other peers mentioned this Jerk was angry and they were asking me for updates to keep the man happy. So no, its not personal, he bugs others the same way as well ..

My own manager asked to have another meeting with me. Not sure what he wants. Not sure what I will reply. If I need to compromise on something I will ask to have the weekend to think over it. I know he wants me in the office from 8 to 5. Which means goodbye to my new fashion studies that I am loving.

TakingCharge999

LaTeeDa thanks for your post.
I am just asking HP for clarity.

gerryP

Maybe I'm not aware of your working arrangement at your present company, but if you are employed full time albeit working from home as a benefit, but are expected to work as though you are in the office for a 9 hour day and getting paid for 9 hours (is this the arrangement?) how can you justify that you are taking a course unrelated to your job and spending time with that during working hours?

lillamy

If TC's job is anything like my work-from-home agreeements (and I've had a few), it's usually a 40-hour-a-week gig -- but for the benefit of working from home, WHEN those hours fall is basically up to your supervisor. Meaning if they need IT support at 2 am, then dammit, you're out of bed and doing it.

A situation any union would have a brain hemorrhage over.

That's how I interpreted the situation anyway, but I could be wrong.

And TC -- you know, I've been thinking evil thoughts about my new supervisor for a while until... until I thought that more will be revealed... And that maybe, just maybe, things blowing up in your face at work is just sort of HP's or the universe's way of telling you that you need to start being open for other options, babe...

I've been panicking about my job (which I need to support my babies) for two weeks (the workplace climate has just been atrocious). Yesterday, out of the blue, I got an e-mail from another employer wanting to set up an interview with me. Did the interview after hours over the phone. Everything clicked. They loved me. I loved them. Waiting to see if the offer is one I can take, basically.

But the thing is -- if all that ugly s**t hadn't gone down at work, if I hadn't been utterly miserable and cursed the day that supervisor walked in the door... I wouldn't have been open to consider the door that opened for me. I would have blown off that interview. And maybe it won't result in a job, and maybe they can't pay me what I need -- but what it did for me was show me that I had choices.

And that's where I wanted to get to. Because people like us tend to get stuckified and forget that we have choices. Even if I have to work three jobs, it's still better than being abused by an ill-tempered boss. And I needed the reminder that whether I stay or leave -- I AM in control of THAT choice.

I hope things get better, or that you see an unexpected door opening to something better.

Magichappens

A wise lady once told me "Don't let them steal your joy!" I remember that when I start worrying about what other people think of me. I have the power to decide whether I am going to depend on crazy people or God for my direction. Crazy people (which is just about everybody who imposes their sense of morality and righteousness on others) will make you crazy! Why do I want to make myself crazy over someone else's insanity. I think Naive summed it up nicely. In the end, what is really important is between me and my HP.

Don't let them steal your joy! Hugs, Magic

TakingCharge999

gerryP my job starts at 11 and ends at 8 pm. My courses are in the early morning.

8pm using the term losely, it is usually until 12 or 1 AM. I also have to work weekends. Weekends and nights are paid the triple by law but no of course here in the company they don't pay anything much less more than normal.

The contract says 40 hours. I often do 60 hours like this last week. Its a problem of the entire team, I am not the only one with frequent extra and unpaid hours. Basically we have been understaffed for years.


I got over a hundred of extra unpaid hours, have escalated with "upper levels" alone and with team members .No one cares. In fact my manager told me why I dared took a 2 hour long break . I did not know if I wanted to laugh or to cry.




Anyway, Thank God I will be moved to a different account. I will be swapped with a team member in India - they guy has begged to change his night time hours to regular day time job and after a year it will be possible.

Another thing that makes me realize this multinational couldn't care less, honestly.

lillamy

You need a new job, babe. Slavery was outlawed over 100 years ago.