enodm

My AH tends to be a CREEP to me when drinking, which normally happens when were alone. The past two times he was on a binge were different than ever before.
One of them, he was sexually agressive, which he has never been before. Nothing happened, but he was pushing the issue, saying mean things and would not take NO for an answer. He finally just passed out.

Saturday night I went to a work party with my best girlfriend. My hubby was suppose to pick us up at trax after, well his daughter picked us up, he was drunk (no suprise) when we got to the house he went off on me infront of my friend. He typically does not act this way around people. SO I was glad that someone was actually seeing it first hand. He was calling me names, telling me he hates me, trying to engage in an argument, than he grabbed my arm, his strong had was like a vice grip!! He finally let go and I had an instant bruise, than was mocking me oh you have a little rug burn. He kept glaring at me, with so much hate in his eyes, I can actually say it was probably the first time he truly scared me!!!

Could this be his true anger starting to come out? Or his disease progressing?

Carol Star

My XAH started acting agressive and becoming verbally abusive- YES it is progressing. He may be in a blackout and not remember. Not good for your child either. Take pictures- document- please go to Alanon and share.

lillamy

I can only tell you what I saw: The anger he early on expressed at other people, he more and more started taking out on me and the kids.

There is not a shred of doubt in my mind that had I stayed, my AXH would have killed us all.

Leaving him was the best decision I have made in my life.

Thumper

Probably both - or he added a third thing to the mix. It does indeed sound quite scary. Do you have any kind of plans in place for your safety? It seems that he is escalating quickly all of a sudden. Please take care.

stepsforward

PROGRESSING!!! It doesnt get better unless you take care of yourself

suki44883

Putting hands on me in anger is a deal-breaker for me. Please keep yourself safe.

laurie6781

Please call your nearest Domestic Violence Center and find out what services they offer. Ask for help in making a plan of action. Show them the bruise.

Get a plan of action ready and active. Have bags packed with a couple of days clothes for you and your child. Also copies important paperwork.

To answer your question, YES this will get worse. His alcoholism is PROGRESSING. The fact that he did this with a WITNESS present says just how dangerous he has become.

Please keep you and your child safe.

Love and hugs,

MsPINKAcres

I agree with Thumper ~ He could be adding something else to the drinking - supplementing his abuse with some type of other form of drug maybe adding to his anger

Please read the stickys above on physical abuse, prepare an exit strategy for you and your child at all times, and please please remember ~ there are many many women that have been serious hurt by partners they thought would never cross that line !

You deserve to have a place where you feel safe & secure - everyone does!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Seren

I'm so sorry you have been experiencing such disrespect, anger, and violence. I hope that at some point, you will realize you deserve much better treatment.

I'm guilty of this myself, but when I think about it, it always amazes me how we women can tell ourselves that some situation is "not that bad" because we are afraid. Afraid to rock the boat, afraid of the unknown, afraid we won't be able to make the right decision for ourselves because we've been told we are not capable.

The truth is, we are capable and we deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. All people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

I hope that you have a plan....some money squirreled away, an overnight bag packed and in the trunk of your car, arrangements for a place to go if need be.....

enodm

Your all so right!!! He did cross the line (many times) but this time he erased that line. My boundries are nothing due to all of my empty threats. I am smack dab in that line of fire!! I know what I need to do, or what I have to do and I am going to start making those plans.

MyBetterWorld

Okay! Now don't lose this focus! Whenever you feel weak, like changing your mind, remember what he did. The name calling, threatening, physical roughness, remember it all. Make yourself a plan. I did it. No turning back. It was hard and a bit scary, but it is possible. You can do this!

Miela

Run, or the next time you might not be so lucky. Trust me. Been there, done that and it only gets worse. As another poster said, document everything (be as detailed as possible - what exactly happened - every detail, where, when, etc...). You have a witness now. But get out ASAP.

M

Miela

P.s. When I 'sense' that things are going to kick off with my AP, I hit the video recorder or the voice recorder on my phone and then email it immediately to a private email address that he doesn't know about, just in case he finds it on my phone and deletes it.

dollydo

Make a plan and follow through. Your husband is one sick puppy, alcohol may intensify the abusive behavior, however they are two different birds.

I agree get prepared. If necessary leave a packed bag at a family or friends house. Gather together all important documents, tax returns, birth certificates and so on.
Start putting money in an account in your name and....don't tell him a thing.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Impurrfect

(((enodm))) - I'm glad to hear that he has "crossed the line" with you. Be aware, he will probably try being "Mr. Wonderful" to make up for it, but it's just to keep you where he wants you to be. The abusive side WILL come back.

Regardless of whether it's due to alcohol, or just the way he is, you do NOT deserve this. Though I really didn't suffer the physical abuse, I did suffer the emotional, and it helped me to have a list of how he had hurt me when he got all "nice" again.

Please keep posting and letting us know how you are, as we really do care about you!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Willybluedog

The fact that he did this in front of someone does not bode well for you when you are alone with him, someone already suggested a go-bag and that is a great idea, I have a few others I would like to suggest.

1) get a credit card in you name only, start establishing your own credit now

2) put back some cash in case he shuts off your joint credit cards, he may disable the car, you will need cab fare.

3) buy a pepper spray (or 5) and stash them around the house and keep one on you at all times.

TakingCharge999

((HUGS)) I would also be scared had this happened to me.

Who is your real life support? can you ask friends/neighbors/family to be with you/visit you more often while you plan your next moves?

I would advice to have a mobile with you at all times with enough battery so you can dial 911 if needed.


Utah Domestic Violence Link Line at 1-800-897-LINK (5465)

Local Coalitions

Salt Lake County, Tooele/Wendover Counties, Beaver County, Garfield County, Iron County, Kane County, Sanpete County, Tri-County (Sevier, Piute, and Wayne), Washington County, Juab County, Millard County, Utah County, Wasatch/Summit Counties, Box Elder County, Cache/Rich Counties, Davis County, Weber County, Carbon County, Emery County, Grand County, Uintah/Duschesne/Daggett Counties, San Juan County (new)

***To contact a local domestic violence coalition, please call UDVC at (801)521-5544 for updated contact information.


Please use these resources for help/tips. I have become isolated and alone many times before and that never helped me. Reaching out and creating a real life support system is very important. Leave any shame/fear out the door (well that is what held me back before).

Morning Glory

enodm,

If you still have a bruise and a witness to what happened you might consider pressing charges. I know that is a hard decision to make, but it is sometimes the best decision when you are in danger. I believe you are in serious danger.

I have been through it with my son. I have been so scared all I could do was shake in fear. I could never think clearly when I was so afraid. Luckily I had my adult daughter to think for me. I now know that my son could seriously injure me when he is in a blackout like your husband. He would not even remember harming me.

I would not hesitate to call the police on my son and press charges. His disease has progressed enough that he is very dangerous when he is drunk and his rage is usually directed toward me.

There needs to be consequences for abuse and you need to be safe. Jail, probation, and court ordered anger management classes are not the worst that can happen. Probation can be good motivation to stay sober. Staying out of jail is often a priority after they have been in jail.

soberlicious

I agree with impurrfect...read up on and be mindful of the cycle of abuse. I went back too many times because of being caught in this cycle. Even after jail, losing his job, restraining order... I believed it would be different. It was not. I am sorry you are in this situation. It is no way to live.

nicam

Dolly's right, an abuser is usually an abuser with or without their drug of choice. I was with a man like this and each time thought things would change. It's 2 years later and the only thing that man has changed is from pills to booze. Oh, and he's learned to play the game better...

YOU have been abused. This is so damaging to us in ways we do not even realize. You need to work on healing yourself. I'm so sorry you are going through this...you deserve much better!