quetzal

He left me after binging a week before x-mas. Minimal communication since then. He text, called and I didn't respond, needed my space I was so hurt. He has big problems. I finally reached out 2 days ago and told him I don't want him in the same way anymore. No expectations anymore. I just love and miss him in my life. I know that he cannot be the man I wanted him to be. I know he tried his best to be what I wanted even though he is struggling with himself. He rejected my affection towards him, said he didn't deserve my love, said he hasn't forgiven himself for what he did to me. Listening to him I heard more than ever the sadness and self hatred. I didn't have the urge/need to cheer him up like I had in the past. Nor the idea to SAVE THE DAY, but I find that I still miss him so much and am trying to figure out how he will fit into my life in the future. He seems to have closed our chapter in a way, he isn;t allowing us to heal together and would rather avoid me, just to cope with his past actions. I'm afraid to think that this is really the end of us, what does that mean? I guess I still hold on to a dream of things... trying my best to be honest with myself. He isn't getting help anytime soon. My rock bottom wasn't his, struggling with that idea, struggling with all of these ideas...

Willybluedog

You need to take care of YOU, he is struggling with the basics right now, self-loathing is very brutal, you cannot heal him and he cannot heal you, if it is meant to be then fate will arrange things so you are together.

YOU can only fix YOU, therapy and al-anon will be a huge help for you right now.

Best of luck to you,

Bill

quetzal

Thank you Willybluedog...You said all that I needed to hear, I am greatful for it

Willybluedog

Your Welcome Quetzal, anytime you need an ear to bend, a shoulder to lean on or cry on, words of encouragement, or a big hug, you just let me know, I will be here for you.

Bill