lost but hopefully.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
lost but hopefully.
hi guys,
i have just been reading some other threads so i thought i would start my own to talk about my own situation. my boyfriend is an alcoholic.
we have been together for around a year and a half, and we have a 6 month son together.he has always been a drinker, however i havent really become aware of it until around the time our son was born. prior to that i was aware that he drank, but not of the extent of it as i was busy caring for my father who passed away from cancer just before my son was born.
he doesnt drink to the point of being smashed. but he does drink in secret. and then lies and lies about it. when he is confronted about it, even when there is hard evidence, he will do his utmost to cover it up, and will be emotionally abusive in response.
he has finally agreed to start seeing a counsellor and has been going weekly to see her for about 4 weeks now. but its still happening. theres still lies and defensiveness. he has told me that he wont give up drinking, and will only drink on social occasions. i feel so lost. i love him, but i dont know if its real love, or just that i love the idea of being a family.
i know its a stupid question asking if this will get better, coz no one can tell me. only time will tell.
i have just been reading some other threads so i thought i would start my own to talk about my own situation. my boyfriend is an alcoholic.
we have been together for around a year and a half, and we have a 6 month son together.he has always been a drinker, however i havent really become aware of it until around the time our son was born. prior to that i was aware that he drank, but not of the extent of it as i was busy caring for my father who passed away from cancer just before my son was born.
he doesnt drink to the point of being smashed. but he does drink in secret. and then lies and lies about it. when he is confronted about it, even when there is hard evidence, he will do his utmost to cover it up, and will be emotionally abusive in response.
he has finally agreed to start seeing a counsellor and has been going weekly to see her for about 4 weeks now. but its still happening. theres still lies and defensiveness. he has told me that he wont give up drinking, and will only drink on social occasions. i feel so lost. i love him, but i dont know if its real love, or just that i love the idea of being a family.
i know its a stupid question asking if this will get better, coz no one can tell me. only time will tell.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. You will find some of our stories in the stickies (older, permanent posts) located at the top of this forum. I always find wisdom in those posts.
I am going to share one of my favorite stickies with you. It contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. You will find some of our stories in the stickies (older, permanent posts) located at the top of this forum. I always find wisdom in those posts.
I am going to share one of my favorite stickies with you. It contains steps that helped me while living with active alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Welcome to you, so sorry for all you are going through, but glad you are here.
For me individual and joint counseling were both crucial to solving relationship issues, his counselor might sit down with you both to discuss this issue and they may recommend someone else.
I would think for this to work you two must get to the bottom of the hiding/lying issue, also a counselor will help you set boundaries and address the emotional abuse.
Please go over and read the ACOA board, specifically the 13 characteristics of adult children of alcoholics.
As the child of an alcoholic mother I am biased, I would rather have been raised by my father than suffer my mothers verbal abuse, she has now been an alcoholic for over 40 years, I am 49, she drinks between 3 & 6 bottles of wine a day, she has never tried to stop, and denies she has a problem even though she has been hospitalized twice in the last 18 months for drinking related heart damage.
Please read the stories here and consider attending al-anon.
Best of luck to you, please come back often and let us know how you are doing.
And always remember that you are not alone, there are lots of wonderful people here who will be glad to listen.
Big hugs to you,
Bill
For me individual and joint counseling were both crucial to solving relationship issues, his counselor might sit down with you both to discuss this issue and they may recommend someone else.
I would think for this to work you two must get to the bottom of the hiding/lying issue, also a counselor will help you set boundaries and address the emotional abuse.
Please go over and read the ACOA board, specifically the 13 characteristics of adult children of alcoholics.
As the child of an alcoholic mother I am biased, I would rather have been raised by my father than suffer my mothers verbal abuse, she has now been an alcoholic for over 40 years, I am 49, she drinks between 3 & 6 bottles of wine a day, she has never tried to stop, and denies she has a problem even though she has been hospitalized twice in the last 18 months for drinking related heart damage.
Please read the stories here and consider attending al-anon.
Best of luck to you, please come back often and let us know how you are doing.
And always remember that you are not alone, there are lots of wonderful people here who will be glad to listen.
Big hugs to you,
Bill
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi Shaz and welcome to SR.
One thing that is really important to know is the 3c's.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
He will seek recovery only when he is ready to get better and not one minute sooner.
Drinking in secret is a sure sign of alcoholism. If he is an alcoholic it will change. It will get worse and the longer it goes the worse it will get. Read this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
It will give you some insight into your potential future. I speak from experience in that it will get uglier than you have the capacity to imagine right now.
There is hope though. You can work on yourself to change how you react to what is going on, develop boundaries and change your attitudes on life. I strongly recommend Al-Anon. It saved my life literally. I went from being a complete wreck to being emotionally stable, content and happy with my life. Even better the more I work on myself the better I feel. I went to multiple meetings to find my home group as each group has a different flavor.
Try it for at least 6 meetings.
Your friend,
One thing that is really important to know is the 3c's.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
He will seek recovery only when he is ready to get better and not one minute sooner.
Drinking in secret is a sure sign of alcoholism. If he is an alcoholic it will change. It will get worse and the longer it goes the worse it will get. Read this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
It will give you some insight into your potential future. I speak from experience in that it will get uglier than you have the capacity to imagine right now.
There is hope though. You can work on yourself to change how you react to what is going on, develop boundaries and change your attitudes on life. I strongly recommend Al-Anon. It saved my life literally. I went from being a complete wreck to being emotionally stable, content and happy with my life. Even better the more I work on myself the better I feel. I went to multiple meetings to find my home group as each group has a different flavor.
Try it for at least 6 meetings.
Your friend,
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