She's gone.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Have you thought about..NO CONTACT...Like giving yourself and the kids time to breath..
Change the phone numbers, block all calls, change the locks on the door...
Shutting them out, does your mind good...It gets you off of the wild & crazy merry go round...And dont forget, alcoholics are good manlipulators. Thats why I still get letters
in the mail. Next one that comes in, is getting a return to sender...
Why you ask?
Because I am done being manlipulated, that is un-acceptable for me.
Ask someone that has been sober for a few years, they will tell you what
it means, face to face..It's one of the best things that you could hear
right now...
Were not dealing with the loving, sober person that we married
Time to work on....LETTING GO & LETTING GOD, take care of you and her...
In my case, it was letting him move 2,000 miles away and almost becoming
a homeless person and a day closer to death
and It was letting God take care of me
Change the phone numbers, block all calls, change the locks on the door...
Shutting them out, does your mind good...It gets you off of the wild & crazy merry go round...And dont forget, alcoholics are good manlipulators. Thats why I still get letters
in the mail. Next one that comes in, is getting a return to sender...
Why you ask?
Because I am done being manlipulated, that is un-acceptable for me.
Ask someone that has been sober for a few years, they will tell you what
it means, face to face..It's one of the best things that you could hear
right now...
Were not dealing with the loving, sober person that we married
Time to work on....LETTING GO & LETTING GOD, take care of you and her...
In my case, it was letting him move 2,000 miles away and almost becoming
a homeless person and a day closer to death
and It was letting God take care of me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: WA
Posts: 38
I'm laughing now....thanks. Shes been gone now for going on 6 months and thinks I still can't figure things out on my own. Hell I changed the code to get messages the day after Thanksgiving! I'll call her tomorrow....let you know what she said. Goodnight....and thanks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
I dont know what your "backwards" thing actually means to you
but for me
I know, that when I got blamed sometimes I did feel better
because deep down, I realized how sick he was. It was the
confirmation that I needed to hear, because for so long, we
forget who we are and have blamed ourselves for so long
for their drinking. *Denial* Its like a wake up call to yourself..
It should feel good, to realize, your not the crazy one that she
probably has said you have been for lots of years...
Right or wrong !?!?!...Think about it...
How much "blame" have you taken and for how long??
but for me
I know, that when I got blamed sometimes I did feel better
because deep down, I realized how sick he was. It was the
confirmation that I needed to hear, because for so long, we
forget who we are and have blamed ourselves for so long
for their drinking. *Denial* Its like a wake up call to yourself..
It should feel good, to realize, your not the crazy one that she
probably has said you have been for lots of years...
Right or wrong !?!?!...Think about it...
How much "blame" have you taken and for how long??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
sail-
emotions aside, it might be best to let her sign the papers since she is willing to do that right now.
to be financially tied to an alcholic is dangerous. they tend to burn through money, make poor decsions, and ultimately, end up with costly medical issues.
it doesn't sound like she's in true recovery as her behavior is erratic and she is blame-shifting, rather than taking inventory of how her actions have hurt the family.
if it was me, i'd let her sign them. the pictures seem like a bad idea...feels like a way of guilting her...not healthy for either of you.
she's willing to sign. she might not be willing at a later date.
if she does enter true recovery, you can always reconcile. if she signs now, you keep your family safe if she relapses.
naive
emotions aside, it might be best to let her sign the papers since she is willing to do that right now.
to be financially tied to an alcholic is dangerous. they tend to burn through money, make poor decsions, and ultimately, end up with costly medical issues.
it doesn't sound like she's in true recovery as her behavior is erratic and she is blame-shifting, rather than taking inventory of how her actions have hurt the family.
if it was me, i'd let her sign them. the pictures seem like a bad idea...feels like a way of guilting her...not healthy for either of you.
she's willing to sign. she might not be willing at a later date.
if she does enter true recovery, you can always reconcile. if she signs now, you keep your family safe if she relapses.
naive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: WA
Posts: 38
BobbyJ and Naive, my meaning for "backwards" is just what you said...she says we're mistreating her and she doesnt think about what she is doing. And all this snaps me right out of my funk and opens my eyes to who I'm really dealing with...an RA who is denying any wrong doing. Naive, you are right....it would be a form of manipulation. I was only thinking about that because of the effect it had on me. And you are right about the pocket book...we do have extra at our disposal. I even noticed the power bill dropped since she left (she always fell asleep in front of or left the tv on when she passed out). I will leave the pics at home and use my words and open my ears to hear her as clearly as possible....I hope and pray I can get my message across and hear hers too. I'll be back.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: WA
Posts: 38
Today my daughter called to tell me she made her professor cry....the project she was assigned. The project is for an art class related to story boarding (like you see in comic books) with the subject matter relating to "your most powerful / emotional moment in life". She presented her initial work (about 25% completed) and her instructor was able to "read" it back to my daughter "word for word" back to her using only the pictures she had drawn....and she started crying....both of them were crying. She knew it would be hard to do this assignment...said it hurt soooo much to get this far.
I told her, and I hope I'm right, she needs to tell the story to herself and whoever sees it....because its from her heart. I'm soooo proud of her to take this on like she did.....I just wanted to post my pleasure for having such wonderful, funny, talented kids around me. I hope I will see this story board soon...
I told her, and I hope I'm right, she needs to tell the story to herself and whoever sees it....because its from her heart. I'm soooo proud of her to take this on like she did.....I just wanted to post my pleasure for having such wonderful, funny, talented kids around me. I hope I will see this story board soon...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: WA
Posts: 38
Today my daughter called to tell me she made her professor cry....the project she was assigned. The project is for an art class related to story boarding (like you see in comic books) with the subject matter relating to "your most powerful / emotional moment in life". She presented her initial work (about 25% completed) and her instructor was able to "read" it back to my daughter "word for word" back to her using only the pictures she had drawn....and she started crying....both of them were crying. She knew it would be hard to do this assignment...said it hurt soooo much to get this far.
I told her, and I hope I'm right, she needs to tell the story to herself and whoever sees it....because its from her heart. I'm soooo proud of her to take this on like she did.....I just wanted to post my pleasure for having such wonderful, funny, talented kids around me. I hope I will see this story board soon...
I told her, and I hope I'm right, she needs to tell the story to herself and whoever sees it....because its from her heart. I'm soooo proud of her to take this on like she did.....I just wanted to post my pleasure for having such wonderful, funny, talented kids around me. I hope I will see this story board soon...
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