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How would you answer this question from a friend?

Old 10-14-2011, 12:21 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
They made things worse for a long, long time because when I stopped enabling they just picked up the slack.
Yeah, got that going on here too!! For years, AH's family told me to "put my foot down" and "stop enabling"... blah-blah-blah. They always seemed to have all the answers on what I needed to do!! Now that I have stopped enabling, have stood up for ME... guess who's jumped in to bail AH out?!?!?!
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Old 10-14-2011, 12:32 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by skippernlilg View Post
See? I guess I still have a little sarcasm left over. I'd probably say, "Since you are such a good and wonderful friend to him, how 'bout you move him in with you and you try to see if your influence makes a difference?"

I have probably alienated a few people with my sharp tongue...hmmmm, back to my spiritual reading....


I agree on this one!!!

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Old 10-14-2011, 12:36 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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My AH's family had noticed I had changed (become "cool") towards him long before they knew he was alcoholic. When they found out about the alcoholism, some said that explained my attitude and some figured my attitude caused it. Today, pretty much all of them think he would stop drinking if I would just be "warmer" and more supportive. Blech!

I can totally relate to that post wellnowwhat. When I first started dating (ah-hem, rescued) my Abf everyone in his family thought I was such a wonderful, nice girl. OF COURSE I was, I was now supporting this dead-beat that they had put up with for the past decade including his mom paying his rent after he had to escape to another state due to od'ing on H. They found a sucker (ME) who didn't know about his past but saw something different in ABF that really never was there. NOW, that I am up to par on how much of an a-hole ABF is and how much he loves him some alcohol and call him and his enabling family out on it, they think I am an evil b*&$^. I 'should' try to coddle him some more and be 'supportive' of his choices (drinking daily) and someday (2 years, 10 years) he will 'get it' and make the 'right choices' for me and his son. 'Being positive' will help more than nagging, etc. I agree with the last sentiment except the only one I can be positive about at this point is for me and my son.

A's SUCK!
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Old 10-14-2011, 10:19 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Your right...They (his family) is picking up the slack.

Free housing, free food...Pffftt..(That's me meowing like a p.o alley cat)

His mom/dad, talk to him every week on the phone. Their family
motto is: (Sshh...Sweep it all under the carpet, no one will know we have dirt)

I did tell his brother, that he is enabling him.
Like his free rent at his brothers, is an extra $1000 for him to drink per month..*Duh*
Get educated or go pick out a sharp shovel to dig a deep hole...

It was a better day, only beat myself up for 1/2 of the day!
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:00 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I stopped talking to anyone who knew XABF... I was going mad with pain...

3 years later a girlfriend (who I had seen 1 when XABF was saying how great our life together would be, "haha", 2 we broke up and I looked like a zombie, 3 this last time that I went to my home city.

"And how is XABF?? he is still with his girlfriend right???"

I was about to yell and say I DONT CARE! DIDN'T YOU VISIT ME WHEN I FELT BAD AND I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING AND WHY WOULD YOU EVER BRING SUCH A PERSON TO THIS CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!

(Yes I noticed I still have unfinished emotional business with the man)

Besides SR I avoid alcoholics and anything that has to do with alcoholism. Including people who hang out with him. Has worked for me........ I do not need more stress in my life

Hugs!! thanks for letting me RANT...
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