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Called cps...i feel horrible now

Old 08-08-2011, 05:06 PM
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Called cps...i feel horrible now

I had knowledge of a friend driving drunk daily with her children. I wrestled with the knowledge and finally, on the advice of my therapist, made the anonymous call to CPS. I feel relieved, thinking this friend may get help instead of having to hit bottom, but I also feel like a tattletale and two faced. Anyone else wrestled with this same feeling?
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:18 PM
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Yes I've wrestled w this many times. I called the police for the first time last summer when my H left here dunk. I was horrified that id done so, wound up telling him I did so later & got lectures from him & his mother for the "trouble" my actions could've caused him. Since then I've called many more times & have no regrets. None of the calls resulted in his getting caught or getting help but if I kept quiet knowing he was drinking & driving & some innocent person (s) were hurt bc of him I'd never b e able to live w myself. So although I get the guilt you are feeling & DID feel it a lot for a while, think of WHY you called. You care, are concerned for her & the kids & others who she may harm. You did the right thing. The right things aren't always the easy things to do & that's why so few people do them. I'm sorry you're feeling torn. I've been there. You are a good friend & citizen & I hope your friend will get the help she needs.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:29 PM
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your call may keep these children safe. That is nothing to feel bad about...there very well could be an accident and these innocent kids would be hurt, badly. You would feel worse then, knowing that Mom was stupid enough to drive them around while she's drunk.

don't feel bad, feel good that you helped.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:38 PM
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Never, ever, ever feel bad about calling any authority on a drunk driver. You might have saved not only the lives of those children, but of other people as well.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:45 PM
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Thanks SO MUCH! I really appreciate the support. I have been crying all day, mostly because the few people I have told about this have responded with judgement-against ME-for getting "involved" in someone elses life. I know deep in my heart I would never have called if she had just been getting wasted at home with no kids. But when she not only drinks when caring for children but also drives them around--I knew I couldnt ignore it. Thanks so much, guys.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by marcia36 View Post
I had knowledge of a friend driving drunk daily with her children. I wrestled with the knowledge and finally, on the advice of my therapist, made the anonymous call to CPS. I feel relieved, thinking this friend may get help instead of having to hit bottom, but I also feel like a tattletale and two faced. Anyone else wrestled with this same feeling?
For all you know you may have saved someone's life.....you should feel good!!
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:48 PM
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Yes, I do understand. I called cps on a family that lived in the mobilehome park I managed. At first, for a very brief time I felt guilty, then I knew that I had done the right thing, the children lived in squaler with two parents who were addicts. The children are now taken care of by their grandparents, who have thanked me over and over again for doing what they were not strong enough to do

And, I also call the sheriff when my exabf jumped in his car drunk as a skunk...he was arrested and his car was impounded....sorry, for every bad action, there is a bad reaction.

One of my best friends twins were killed in an auto accident due to a drunk driver, her sister was driving the car, she lived, however, she deals with the guilt everyday of her life, rationally she knows she was not responsibile, however, she always says "I should have been able to do more". All this grief and loss because of some dumb azz drunk.

For my part, you did the right thing, I commend you!
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:11 PM
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I have to tell you I think you did the right thing. I am an alcoholic, and let me tell you, but for the grace of God, I am really, really fortunate to have never hurt someone back in the day with my two DWI's. I honestly believe that if I hurt a child, I would have put a bullet in my head. The thought upsets my stomach as I type.

We had a really unfortunate accident here in NY about a year and a half ago where a woman driving her children home from a family camping trip drove the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway. Ended up getting killed, killed her children, killed her nieces, and several occupants in the other car.

Her autopsy showed she had a fairly highly bac, but last I heard, her family says she wasn't an alcoholic and was trying to prove that the tests were wrong.

What was she doing on the wrong side of the parkway?

ANY steps that are taken to protect a child is worth it. I remember some pretty hair-raising driving episodes by my drunk parents, and I had absolutely no control over the situation. I remember one time smacking my father in the back of his head as he nodded off while driving on the way back from a wedding in Florida. I was 14. Fortunately, he stopped at the next hotel.

You did well.
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:13 PM
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A lot of times, you don't have the entire story.

I agree that in most cases, you need to be very careful before intervening in someone else's life.

But with drunk driving, there IS no gray zone. If someone is drunk and gets behind the wheel, they're drunk and handling a deadly weapon. They may be devastated over their mother's death for all I care -- they're still EXTREMELY DANGEROUS and must be stopped.
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:42 PM
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When I was younger, my dad used to drive drunk with me and my sisters in the car. He didn't just drive drunk, but he would drink while driving. I was the oldest. I wished for the courage to tell my dad that me and my sisters weren't going to get in the car if he'd been drinking. Unfortunately, as a child, I was too scared. I wished that someone would catch him, that someone would notice him swirving and call the cops.

You did the right thing calling CPS. You are protecting people who lack the ability and resources to protect themselves. Children need adults to keep them safe. Good job.
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:47 PM
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It's very brave what you did. Those kids will be better off if the mother seeks help.
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:47 PM
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Just today my local news had a story about a mother who was driving drunk with her toddler in the car. She smashed into a building on the side of the road. By the grace of God, that child is okay. The mother is in custody.

Your call could be preventing that family from planning a funeral. You shouldn't feel even a fleeting moment of guilt. What kind of guilt would you feel if you DIDN'T call and those children ended up hurt... or worse?

I'm so glad there are people like you out there. That woman could hit ME. Could hurt MY children. Thank you.
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:12 PM
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If you would have called on my wife nothing would have made me happier. I understand you are feeling guilty and that's a valid feeling, however it actually has nothing to do with reality here.

You did the right thing and there is no question of it.

Thank you,

Cyranoak
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:17 PM
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All of us, anytime, anywhere, should call in drunk drivers. Period.

You've done the right thing.
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:19 PM
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Thank you all for the support. Thank you so much. This site is always such a great place for support. XO
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Old 08-08-2011, 09:32 PM
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I agree with what everyone else posted.
I would like to add one thing, though, as this logic may also help the guilty feeling.

Originally Posted by marcia36 View Post
I feel relieved, thinking this friend may get help instead of having to hit bottom, but I also feel like a tattletale and two faced.
Whatever she'd feel due to the consequences of this phone call pales in comparison to the grief that she'd feel if she were in an accident, and one or all of her children were injured or killed. You're helping to protect her children from that possibility. I am sure, if they knew, they'd be grateful to you for your courage to do the difficult thing.



You did the right thing.
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Old 08-09-2011, 07:00 AM
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Look at it this way: if you knew that with one phone call you could stop a possible mass murder, would you do it? Of course you would! Calling 911 on a drunk with kids in the car is really no different. You did the right thing.
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Old 08-09-2011, 07:15 AM
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As I have posted before... I never hesitate to report a drunk driver. I'd report my own AH if I had facts (when/where) to give them.

I am proud of you for doing the right thing. Like Cyranoak said, if you had called on my AH - nothing would make me happier.
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Old 08-09-2011, 07:46 AM
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Of course you did the absolutely correct thing.

And everyone here is unanimous in that opinion. People on the outside, "normies", don't always understand the way we do. They may sit in judgment of your actions because they think if someone is not homeless and living under a bridge, they can't possibly have a problem with alcohol.

We know better, you know better, and you certainly have saved lives with your actions. Thank you.
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Old 08-09-2011, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by wellwisher View Post
We had a really unfortunate accident here in NY about a year and a half ago where a woman driving her children home from a family camping trip drove the wrong way on the Taconic State Parkway. Ended up getting killed, killed her children, killed her nieces, and several occupants in the other car.

Her autopsy showed she had a fairly highly bac, but last I heard, her family says she wasn't an alcoholic and was trying to prove that the tests were wrong.

What was she doing on the wrong side of the parkway?

There is now a documentary out called (I think)... "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane". It is shocking and hearbreaking. The actual pics from the scene of that accident are horrifying.

You could have saved someone from that... you did good.
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