marsaray

My AW today decided to leave the apartment and sleep in the woods for awhile today. When I got home with some food for us she was covered in dirt. She also decided to eat her food off the kitchen floor even though I tried to stop her.
Anyone else go through times like this?

suki44883

No. Is she drunk? Does she have mental problems? Is your wife human?

marsaray

LOL, she's human alright. Just an alcoholic.
She is usually drunk these days. I try to help her but she just says she hates me and eats off the floor or table and gets it all over herself. The other night she peed on the floor and announced it to me. It was incredibly terrible.

suki44883

Okay...

Have you had her mental state evaluated by a professional? Something ain't right.

LexieCat

Hm.

So how are you coping with the craziness?

Hollyanne

Agree with Suki.

marsaray

Not well at all. I get really angry and shout at her. I really shouldn't do it but I don't know what to do to stop her from hurting herself. What really makes me angry is her hurting herself. For instance she busted her lip on the door the other day and I thought I was going to have to take her to get it stitched up. Luckily it healed up.

Seren

Hello marsaray, Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry to hear about what you have been through with your AW. You've found a great place for support and understanding!

Does your wife have a history of this sort of behavior while drinking? It sounds as though she is doing everything in her power to purposefully drive you away. It also sounds as though she would benefit from seeing her doctor. Have you approached her about this?

Once thing you might consider is attending a local Al-Anon meeting. Many of us have found the face-to-face support to be invaluable. I hope things improve for you soon!

HG

suki44883

She needs mental health attention. She is a danger to herself. You can have her checked into a mental health facility if you can prove she is harming herself.

marsaray

Well when we met she was on some heavy duty anti aniexty meds and depression meds and sleeping meds and she still takes them along with the alcohol. So usually I'm very scared about that. I can't force her to see her doctor nor can I force her to do anything as I'm afraid she will commit suicide, she has done it in the past.

suki44883

No, she has threatened to do it in the past. If she does threaten it again, call 911 and they will take her to the hospital and hold her for a 72 hour evaluation period. It's either that or continue living the way you are now and there's no telling what she might do next.

marsaray

She literally slit her wrists in the past but you are right, I need to call the police next time. Thank you for the helpful advice.

duqld1717

Do you have children? If you do, I hope they don't witness this kind of behavior...

Sorry about what you are going through. :/

marsaray

No we don't have kids, I really don't know what to do though. I love her more then anything and I just want her to be sober.

duqld1717

I think the only thing you can do right now is have her admitted to a mental health facility or a hospital because she doesn't seem stable at all. She could hurt herself or YOU. After that, then she can work on her alcoholism.

marsaray

That's a great plan.
Right now she is begging for sex and it's really creepy and weird. I never thought as a man that I would turn down a woman for sex. She is slightly sober now and is telling me that it's girly for me to be on here and talk about how I feel.

Cyranoak

Dude. You understand her behavior is completely unacceptable and out of control, right? Tell me you get this. Tell me you also get that she is manipulative and irrational and can't be communicated with effectively.

My AW used to question my manhood as well. She just didn't get that she was completely unattractive as a drunk, manipulative bitch. And mine didn't even eat/pee on the floor.

Save yourself. She won't save you and you can't save her. Save yourself. Someday she may decide to save herself, but IMHO it won't happen if you are there.

Cyranoak

P.s. Try a few Alanon meetings.

marsaray

I don't know if anyone else feels this, but what would she do without me? She doesn't have a job and could get hurt. It's so scary and sad. Maybe I need to give her more chances to get off this stuff.

LexieCat

Well, look at what she's doing with you IN her life. Do you feel you are helping, or are you simply her keeper?

What actions has she taken to "get off this stuff"? What effort has she made? What desire has she expressed? Does she see anything wrong with the way she is acting?

I don't know whether she has mental illness, or if it is just the booze and drugs. It's pretty hard to diagnose anyone when they are constantly drunk/high.

Next time she does something truly bizarre or dangerous, call 911, and they can take her to a crisis unit for an evaluation. It sounds like she is a danger to herself, and possibly to you.

You CANNOT "save" her if she doesn't want to be saved. You have a couple of choices: continue to watch this self-destructive spiral, or save YOURSELF.

Just4me

Okay, this is a hard one...but here goes.

I don't know if anyone else feels this, but what would she do without me? She doesn't have a job and could get hurt. It's so scary and sad. Maybe I need to give her more chances to get off this stuff. -marsaray

My dad was the EXACT same way, minus the peeing on the floor. He would combine pills and alcohol and who knows what else. He would have conversations with appliances, wash the outside of our outdoor trash can, re-arrange furniture, pass out in weird places, put food in the dishwasher, ect. I once found him laying on the kitchen floor because he was looking for an avacado that fell under the fridge. (there was no avacado) He stayed there for two hours (I refused to help him and he was breathing) until my mom got home and called 911. We begged, pleaded, cried, and threatened. Nothing worked and he continued down this path.

Four months later we all left. Me, my mom, and my sister moved out. We left him alone unsure on how he'd survive. We thought for sure he'd burn the house down or kill himself accidently. The opposite happened. He pulled it together because there was NO ONE there to pick up after him. No one to wash his clothes, make sure there was food in the house, cook him meals, send him to bed...he had to do it all himself. Yes he still drank and took pills, but to a lesser extent because he knew he had to function to some degree. How different things were without the three little enablers there!!

I'm sorry you have these feelings and believe me when I say I know what you are feeling!! It's so easy for us to swoop in, "fix" everything, and be there when they "need" us. But, that's what a parent does for a child, not what two adults do for each other.

I don't mean to sound harsh and I certainly don't have all the answers. I'm just telling you my story to show that some people just take advantage of the situation and won't pull it together as long as there is someone else there to clean up the mess. Why should they when we will??

You're not alone in your thinking. While some people will get it together others will need to fall even more before (and if) they realize they have a problem. I'm sorry for you and hope that you can make the best decision for you! We're all here for you!