strengthtobeone

Hey all! I so enjoy coming here... that being said, I just moved to a new town in a new state (Alaska) and there's no al anon groups here in this tiny town of 350.

It's a great place, I am excited to be here, but also very sad as my on-again, off-again RA boyfriend who came up here with me and my kids just left. He was going to spend the whole summer here, at least, but he ended up staying only one day before he left. I am isolated, and I do have some acquaintances here, but I need the help of my higher power and program right now. I really want to pack it all up and move back to the lower 48. I keep thinking I have just enough money to make it back! But I was directed here for a reason, right? Or was I?

I am experiencing some real grief with this separation and am just going through a transition time. I decided to chase my dreams and move to Alaska for me and my kids. I decided that I would give it a year and try it out. But from the moment I made that decision, he was a part of all the planning, all the traveling, all the everything. I didn't realize that my dream was like an all-inclusive thing and that he was included in that dream.

Actually, I did realize it. I have been in love with him for quite some time and have been putting up with his wishy washy waffling for a long time. We had finally reached an agreement about our relationship, and it was this. This part seems so totally ridiculous it is cracking me up: We had an agreement that while I wasn't officially his 'girlfriend", he wouldn't date anyone else. This was because he freaks out when he is a "boyfriend". It was working great for both of us.He spends most of his time with us and we have all the same interests and my kids love him and he treats us grand and we have a wonderful time together. We support each other in spiritual recovery and everyday life. I will never understand, I am powerless over this man, I am totally sad.

My heart is broken (again). This is familiar territory for me. My broken heart feels almost like a normal state. It is the only familiar feeling. Besides recovery, that is.

Anyone got some good experience, strength, or hope for a girl who doesn't want to let go? Back to steps one, two, three i guess.

I do plan on starting some meetings when we get settled in a little more. I hear the winters are long and dark here

Thanks

DesertEyes

Hi there strength, and pleased to "meet" you

I just got moved all the way across the country by my employer. The economy sucketh greatly and they closed the whole plant back in Vegas. I had to drop everything and move. There's absolutely no work at all on the whole left coast and not much of it either over here. So it's not like I had a choice.

I so understand about missing your home group. I had tons of friends and was completely settled in and loving every minute of my life over there.

No way to tell ahead of time. I don't know if I was directed here by my HP or not. Maybe I was. I won't know for a few years, that's the way it has been in my life. And if I wasn't directed here.... well I'm already here so I might as well find a way to make it worthwhile.

I get stuck in that rut too. I get comfortable in a place and I don't want to move, even if it hurts to be there. Like my old home in Vegas. The economy was dead and I was going to have to file bankruptcy, give up my condo, sell all my belongings and have to make a living working graveyard as a taxi driver. As many of my friends are doing.

So why do I complain so much about getting moved out of there and having a _job_?

Cuz I have the disease of "codie-ism" and I hate to "let go".

So yeah, steps one, two and three

Me? I'm forcing myself to find things I like. There's a little art society I'm checking out, and I'm hunting for a good mexican restaurant. I'm going to make a new life for myself here if I have to drag myself to it kicking and screaming. What's that slogan? "Let go, or be dragged".

Alaska, huh? I hear the fishing is great there. And the views are fantastic. Maybe you could become a nature photographer?

Mike

strengthtobeone

Hi Mike, thanks for taking the time to reply. I think I remember reading one of your posts a little while back and laughing at how you were saying things. Seems like you moved to Virginia?

Anyway, I did move here for a reason, and that reason was to build myself a life the way I wanted in a place that would be amazing and supportive for my kids and me. And it actually is all those things. It's funny how the same issues are following me: I have a job in an environment that I don't care for, I am still scared of my crazy ex-husband coming here and causing trouble, I am still sad that my boyfriend has broken things off (again!), and it is such a struggle to let go of character defects that do nothing but hold me back. Like wallowing in self-pity.

But I had better be grateful for what I've got, which is a good job that pays relatively well (better than any job I've had before!), an apt to rent in a town that has no rentals, and a supportive community to raise my kids!

Oh yeah, and the views are amazing, the people are quirky, and the fishing is great. I love living on the ocean. Who needs daycare when you've got tidepools to explore and beachglass to find?

I need to get back in touch with my higher power. This is a journey to live the life I dream and know that there will always be enough. Of everything. But a girl and her family can't survive on spirit alone...

DesertEyes

Yup, that's what they call this place. I'm a west coast dude, totally, so the "shell shock" is going to take some time to wear off

* dunno who's more shocked, me or the people who meet me *

In that case, it sounds perfect.

You know, I had that problem too. Then I figured it that it wasn't the issues following me, it was me putting them in the suitcase and bringing them along

yeah, it is. I find that I _like_ my character defects. There's always some "payoff", or reward in there that I can't see until it's pointed out by a sponsor .... or some smart aleck on SR

Like why it was so important for me to be married. The divorce was done and paid for and I was still wearing the ring. Couldn't take it off. Had to do a whole 12 steps focused on that one issue. Found out that I wanted other people to _see_ that I was married, it had become some kind of "badge of respectability" for me, a way of proving that I was better than my alcoholic parents.

Once I had that awareness, once I understood that my character defect was that I _cared_ what perfect strangers though of me based on a piece of jewelry, I realize how foolish I had been. That very day I took it off and gave it to the Salvation Army. Figured they could make a little money and some young couple could save a few bucks on their first start.

Now I don't care if I have that "marriage badge" or not. I know i am going to stick to my word in the vows just like I did in the past and _that_ is what makes me better than my parents.

max jealousy !!!!! I'm learning to enjoy the views here. Apparently a wall of trees and folliage is a view. There is no fishing but they have all kinds of birds and butterflies and flowers so that will make up for it. And as far as quirky people.... seems like it's _me_ that's the quirky one around here.

* lol *

well no. My experience has been that I got to have _both_. Without my HP I keep looking in all the wrong places. Once I get "connected" then it's much easier to find what I need because I'm not so stressed out that I miss the opportunities.

Like the flowers here. Back in Vegas you could see the most wonderful cliffs from any part of town. Huge, colorful giants of rock reaching up into the bluest sky in the world. Well.... there might actually be cliffs around here somewhere's but you'd never seem them for all the folliage. I could sit around and complain about the cliffs all day and miss all the flowers.

Heck, today I discovered that they have these weird white things that grow around the base of trees. They're _mushrooms_ !!!! Can you believe that ?!?!?

( course, I've never seen so _many_ trees in my life !!! How do people avoid getting hit on the head by falling branches, anyways ????? )

Mike

LifeRecovery

Strength-

First I want to say how much I admire you for doing it. Going to Alaska, with a job, place to live etc. It has always been one of my dreams and I am looking forward to having that opportunity down the road in my life.

Geography can be a tricky thing. I currently live in the Southwest, but am from the Northeast. Part of what was hard for me with the breakup for the relationship that got me here was that I was sure how much I wanted home, and his family was here. We just divorced this year though and guess what for many practical reasons it made sense at this time for me to stay here (the economy being a big part of it). I also realized that I am not ready to be immersed in my family again (it is working for me to be a ways from them right now)....and I have some family concerns with alcohol that would be very triggering for me. Something happened with one of those family members last week and I commented to someone else "This is why I am still in *****" It has taken me some time to realize that though, I am a better person for the realizations.

With that said I am a true believer that we choose teachers in our life to help us with lessons. I needed this relationship (or one like it) to be where I am today. That helps me to come to terms with a lot in my life (locations, breakups etc).

Sorry I seem all over the place.....

Thanks for sharing and good luck.

strengthtobeone

Haha. Widowmakers, I do believe they're called! Too funny. Love your perspective on things. And I totally packed up defects in my duffel bag (I ain't fancee enough to have a suitcase ). I came here to have an adventure and I just have to take things one day at a time. I can't exactly expect to have a homestead and goats and know how to smoke fish and play the guitar and on and on in the first week I get here. Heck these are dreams I have for my LIFE. ODAT! One day at a time, baby! I can play in the tidepools with my kids and try fishing off the bridge and start saving money, though.

My boyfriend was like my safety net, ie, I felt like I could take risks cause he would be there to support me, ie, I was treating him like my Higher Power. Why do I keep doing that?? Oh yeah, it's called c-o-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-y. Duh.

On the bright side, there are so many wonderful people here! If there is anything I have learned about myself, it is that if it's not one thing that's wrong, I will always find another. So I figure that if I take away all the distractions that **** me off like consumerism, driving forever to get somewhere, wastefulness, plastic everything, the joneses, maybe I won't have much annoying **** to obsess/complain about and I can get on with being in the moment. I could work on that anywhere but this place also happens to have an awesome support system built in to the town. Which is so very cool. Life is good. It really is.