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Old 06-11-2011, 08:37 AM
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looking for a thread

A few days ago, after a long hard day, just before falling asleep, I read a post. There was a reply about needing to stop thinking of the A as a husband and yourself as a wife. I desperately needed to hear that because I think that is what is in the way of me moving forward in my recovery. I meant to bookmark the thread but did not. I can't even remember the original title to the thread or the person who posted the reply. I am hoping someone remembers it and could help me find it . Thanks.
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Old 06-11-2011, 08:51 AM
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I think it's in this one.
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Old 06-11-2011, 10:30 AM
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Thank You.
This was a big aha moment for me. But there was someone else who said that they had to put away all the reminders of the marriage. I know I have been clinging to mine. I still can't bring myself to take off my wedding ring. I know the only obstacle is my own unwillingness to accept and change.
It is admitting defeat.
There is an enormous void left in my life when we separated, and I am trying my best to fill that void with things that make me happy. Friends, trying new things, new activities, but I also know that I am reluctant to totally fill it. I feel like I need to leave a space for him in case he comes back. I don't think that is healthy for me.
What am I afraid of?
Maybe that there will no longer be room in my life for him.
Obsessive thinking continues...but at least now it is more focused on me and my motives.
Progress not perfection.
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Old 06-11-2011, 10:37 AM
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If the marriage is not working or is over, I don't think it's a defeat. I think it was right at the time and HP has other good experiences in store for you. It's a Western Culture fallacy that marriage is forever, that there is only one person on the entire planet meant for us. It's a good story, but not based in reality.

You have children with your H, correct? Maybe you two were "meant" to come together because those precious children were meant to be born. Maybe you were "meant" to be together because you needed this relationship, this experience for your own personal growth. We can't know the reasons until HP wants to reveal those reasons.

As for the ring, perhaps you could have it reset as a new symbol of a love that led you to you. And moving forward does not have to preclude never having room in your life for him ever. It just may be better that you don't have room for him now.

Hope you feel better!!!
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Old 06-11-2011, 10:48 AM
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Thank you so much for your kind words. They really helped.

I had to explain to a coworker why it would be in the best interest of a student if they did not work together next year. The student with autism has been very dependent on this adult and has shown great growth this year because he is learning to work with other.

"You did a wonderful job bringing him up to this point in his life. He grew so much with your help. You have laid a great foundation for
him to build on but you can only bring him so far.
Now it is time to let him learn to work with others and expand his
interactions with the world."

Great pearls of wisdom right?

Now if I could only learn to listen to what I know is true.
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