All things happen for a reason...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((GB)))))))
I evicted my exah from my home a month ago (on easter morning).
He keeps texting me telling me he knows he needs help, he will go to meetings every day, he will do whatever it takes to get better...and on and on and on it goes...if I just let him move back into my home to be with me and our son.
Um...my answer is a big fat NO.
I've heard all of this before.
I've fallen for it more times than I care to admit but not anymore.
If he's serious, he'll get help.
He'll do what it takes to get better.
This time, he can do it on his own and from a very safe distance.
I absolutely refuse to make any plans based on what he says he's GOING to do.
and honestly, at this point, even if he DOES really get it this time and seek recovery, there's no future for "US" at this point. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I don't trust and I just can't imagine ever trusting him again. Sorry to all the recovering A's out there... I'll just never feel "that way" towards him again. And being away from him...with a little room to breath and think...has really cleared my head where all of this is concerned.
You're doing great.
Sometimes its easy to get side-tracked when they live under the same roof. But sometimes, like this past weekend for you, having a front row only strengthens our resolve.
Keep going...
You're doing great...
Mary
I evicted my exah from my home a month ago (on easter morning).
He keeps texting me telling me he knows he needs help, he will go to meetings every day, he will do whatever it takes to get better...and on and on and on it goes...if I just let him move back into my home to be with me and our son.
Um...my answer is a big fat NO.
I've heard all of this before.
I've fallen for it more times than I care to admit but not anymore.
If he's serious, he'll get help.
He'll do what it takes to get better.
This time, he can do it on his own and from a very safe distance.
I absolutely refuse to make any plans based on what he says he's GOING to do.
and honestly, at this point, even if he DOES really get it this time and seek recovery, there's no future for "US" at this point. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I don't trust and I just can't imagine ever trusting him again. Sorry to all the recovering A's out there... I'll just never feel "that way" towards him again. And being away from him...with a little room to breath and think...has really cleared my head where all of this is concerned.
You're doing great.
Sometimes its easy to get side-tracked when they live under the same roof. But sometimes, like this past weekend for you, having a front row only strengthens our resolve.
Keep going...
You're doing great...
Mary
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Originally Posted by outonalimb 
and honestly, at this point, even if he DOES really get it this time and seek recovery, there's no future for "US" at this point. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I don't trust and I just can't imagine ever trusting him again.
GB, stick to your guns, it's not easy but you are worth it. My AW is in outpatient rehab but I moved out anyway. After her last binge I told her I would never go through that again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
It is amazing all the feelings that we deal with while going through this. I too was starting to have the hope thing this past weekend. He has not been drinking again for a few months and the good guy is back. Part of me starts thinking maybe this time he will stop for good and then thank god I 
myself right over the head.
You see, for me, I can not go there again because it will keep me stuck and I REALLY need to follow through this time. I know in my heart that hope will have me say "Let's try one more time, maybe he will really stay sober this time".
I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and sell the house and move on. If someday waayyy down the road he actually gets into real RECOVERY not his BS of starting and stopping, I can always see what happens then. To be honest though, I do not think I could get back together because I would always, in the back of mind, be afraid that he would start drinking again.
myself right over the head. You see, for me, I can not go there again because it will keep me stuck and I REALLY need to follow through this time. I know in my heart that hope will have me say "Let's try one more time, maybe he will really stay sober this time".
I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and sell the house and move on. If someday waayyy down the road he actually gets into real RECOVERY not his BS of starting and stopping, I can always see what happens then. To be honest though, I do not think I could get back together because I would always, in the back of mind, be afraid that he would start drinking again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL
To be honest though, I do not think I could get back together because I would always, in the back of mind, be afraid that he would start drinking again.
I just don't know or think that I love him enough to support his recovery... If he ever chose it. I don't know how I could ever get past the things that were done over the past 9 months.
Someday I'll forgive him, just not today. Not yet... I'm not ready.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
GettingBy I am so sorry you have gone through so much.
To me when there is addiction, when there is abuse, all bets are off regarding hope. Yes there is hope for everyone but as the saying goes "God helps those that help themselves".
Healthy hope in my humble views, is the one tied to constructive action.
Unhealthy hope is the one related to magic, miracles, illusion & fantasy.
You are very strong. All the best in your upcoming divorce.
Honestly "you guys are fixable" well... the man has deep anger & violence issues that he has to fix with ongoing AA and therapy and commitment, right now what is paramount is your and your kid's safety, and that's your job. Not changing, controling or curing anyone else, I am glad you already know that... I guess we all have some sort of hope "this time they will get it" but the fact that they don't and everything keeps the same old same old is also something that we can use to motivate us to move forward.
Someone wise here told me "PRECISELY because he keeps doing what he does, you are better off away"
The only way to win is not to play...
HUGS
To me when there is addiction, when there is abuse, all bets are off regarding hope. Yes there is hope for everyone but as the saying goes "God helps those that help themselves".
Healthy hope in my humble views, is the one tied to constructive action.
Unhealthy hope is the one related to magic, miracles, illusion & fantasy.
You are very strong. All the best in your upcoming divorce.
Honestly "you guys are fixable" well... the man has deep anger & violence issues that he has to fix with ongoing AA and therapy and commitment, right now what is paramount is your and your kid's safety, and that's your job. Not changing, controling or curing anyone else, I am glad you already know that... I guess we all have some sort of hope "this time they will get it" but the fact that they don't and everything keeps the same old same old is also something that we can use to motivate us to move forward.
Someone wise here told me "PRECISELY because he keeps doing what he does, you are better off away"
The only way to win is not to play...
HUGS
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