theuncertainty

Hugs, Justjo. Bleah. It may be different with kids, but... you've texted him a couple times and called and spoke with him with no commitment on his part. If it were a friend of mine doing this, 1. I'd be incredibly hurt. and 2. I'd assume it's a "no." If I'm feeling really healthy and sure of myself, I'd make other plans, but that'd be a really good day for me. I'm getting there. Some days I'm there.

justjo

Hi Uncertainty & thanks
I get your point, and I dont know how many times Ive said that to myself - If it was a stranger or someone else??? You just wouldnt deal with it would you..
I guess when its your child, I just want to understand and see him happy. Today I just want to be happy you know! I want us all to be happy but I suppose his negativity just drives him further down the black road and he just cant seem to turn the corner.
Things were going so well with us, I was seeing alot of him and he was working for me and then THIS.. I wont hold a grudge, he just needs to know it was wrong of him to disrespect me like that 'just because he was having a bad day'. Im over this crap.
I guess because its his birthday today, Im feeling lousy because of all of this.
JJ

theuncertainty

It's hard. I took the cr-ppy attitude from XAH for a long, long time. He had a bad day at work, it got taken out on me. For the most part, I took it, I was confused, and sad, and thought, "If only I had the right words...." "I said it wrong when I asked him how his day was..." "What did I say to make his bad day worse...." It takes a while to re-train ourselves to realize and act on "This is not OK and I do not have to accept it."

Progress, not perfection.

chicory

Justjo,

Aw, I think I know how you must be feeling. I find myself feeling like I have to try to make my kids happy, when things are not going right. But I am learning to put some of that responsibility back in their court-they can decide to make efforts to be happier. It is not my job anymore.
You certainly made it known to him that you want to celebrate his birthday. The ball is in his court. I am sorry that things suck right now, but he knows you love him, and that will work on his conscience, probably. hope so anyway.

sending mom hugs, and wishes for good outcome soon.
love ya,
chicory

justjo

Hey chick you didnt tell me where to get that big hairy ape thing need a big cuddle

Yeah though youre right, I think everyone has one of those 'conscience' - I guess its whether we are big enough to let it tell us the truth or not.

Now, you have a great day woman!!

JJ

chicory

Gosh,
Wish I knew where to find one. I'd settle for Big Foot, if he knew how to give a back massage, and could cook.

justjo

:rotfxko I laughed my head offfffff...

justjo

Well, I decided to call my son for his birthday. I asked him if he would like to get together and he said 'that would be nice, can we go out for tea'. Ok, thats what happened at 'short' notice.
It was strange for me last night. We all met at the restaurant. I couldnt even look my son in the face and he acted like nothing happened as usual. I said, happy birthday and I realized after, I couldnt even give him a hug.
Everyone came back to my place afterwards, I gave him his present and he hugged me and told me he loved me.
It seems, that my son cannot apologize, so he tucks his head in and avoids it, as usual. I didnt want to bring it up last night seeing it was his birthday, but I think Im getting so much better at not accepting his behaviour.
It was strange, I didnt feel anything - am I disconnecting? I think so.
JJ

Learn2Live

Is he bipolar? He may not even remember that he treated you poorly.

barb dwyer

I wrote this big thing
about my own son
and the anger thing.

then the page timed out or something
and the whole s.o.b. was lost.

taking that as a sign
a hug is what is called for here.

*smile*

so please =- have another.

justjo

LTL, I have often wondered if he has something else going on and I have even suggested to him about seeing a dr regarding it.
I do really think there is some kind of 'thing' going on here as he tells me he gets anxiety pretty bad. Sometimes we are driving to work in the car and he does this talking so fast he doesnt come up for air. It actually drives me mad, I have to interupt him loudly for him to take a breather. Dont know where this comes from but its almost like hes talking/thinking to himself, ya know.
He remembers his outburst alright, his brother knew about it, he mentioned it to me. Im gathering thats about him being right again, who cares.
JJ

justjo

Barb, that has happened to me too. A sign, yes, its like telling myself, ok jo, turn the page and get to the end. Jo, stop whining, ok Ill go to the whiners section here.
JJ

newby1961

It has really helped me reading all these posts. I have so many issues w/my family. My mom passed away on 6/6/09 and since her death my sister and brother are barely speaking to me. So what others have tried to make me understand is, I am not responsible for how people think and act, or whatever stories they make up in their head over situations. If they start talking out of the side of their neck as I like to put it, the responsibility is on me if time after time I keep allowing it, because when I do its just giving them the message that it is okay to keep doing it. Way easier said than done.
I can't tell you how many hours I spend trying to figure out what they are thinking because like your son they don't have the tools to communicate in a healthy manner.
I get sick of being the one who continually reaches out by calling, or sending e mails, and for the most part I get no response back.
The sick part of this whole thing is I have no clue what the problem is, I think I may know? I was the one that was with my dad when he gave my moms stuff away to the shelters and I think they think I ended up getting all this stuff?
Greed is not an attractive quality and I am getting ready to go home for a visit in June for my b-day and my moms 2nd anniv Mass.
It is so hard for me to be a grown up because I really don't want to go be around any of them, except my dad, and my other brother & his family.
When I go home they turn on this fake facade of how much they miss me & love me but yet they can't call or write.
I am sorry for venting all of this on your post but reading yours sparked all this emotion.
All we can do is pray and stay true to ourselves no matter how hard it is.
Peace & Blessings

justjo

Hi newby, so nice to meet you. I get what you said - my brother is the same. I call him strange, never contacts anyone but accepts phone calls, he always was the gossiper growing up, (said stuff that wasnt true) and for years I wondered what the problem really was. Why did he say all that stuff?

But you know what, after all these years I just decided. --- He is who he is.
Fullstop. Once I accepted that, Im ok with it, ya know. I dont listen or take in any of it anymore. I think he knows this now, so I only see him a couple of times a year if that and thats ok.

I hope things get better for you. Oh and pop in and talk to us girls anytime.
JJ