Feel Like Hiding
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Feel Like Hiding
today I probably just feel like some comforting words please. Just when I thought things were going so very well with my eldest son, he blows up in my face.Hes been going very well the last year or so and I know his frustrations are dragging him down right now, but every year about this time (just before his birthday) he starts a verbal abuse about how hard done by he has had it and its everyone elses fault. Yesterday he was working for me and over something simple, he absolutely had a yelling verbal throwball at me. It has hurt me somewhat but Im a big girl, ya know!
I know I should just let things go (blow over) but Im sick of being the one that cops it all. Everyone elses problems.
I have only seen my second son once in three months
after he took money from me and now my sisters nephew is depressed and having drinking problems.I get tears but sometimes I just wish they'd leave me alone.
JJ
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vermont
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I'm so sorry Justjo, that must feel awful. Can you talk with him about how it makes you feel? Maybe just a cup of tea and a hot bath or good book will get your mind off it for now. Sounds like this isn't unusual behavior for him, it's awful being on the receiving end of it though.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Justjo, my son used to have what I called a good blowout every few months too, strangely enough never when my husband was around.
I thought about that and why he only did it with me and I think the answer was because I stood there and listened and took it. My husband would have thrown him out of the house for being so disrespectful.
So I stopped allowing it. I set a boundary that I would have a reasonable conversation any time for as long as it took...but that I would not tolerate one moment of shouting or disrespect. If a conversation got heated, it was over then and there, to be revisited some other time if it was important.
The thing is, this bad behaviour was never about me. It was rarely even about whatever he was raging about. It was about a sick man with an addiction problem who was out of control.
Your son should treat you with respect. In a calmer time, maybe talk to him about this and tell him that it hurts you and that you aren't going to allow verbal abuse any more.
It may work and he may stop. Or it may not work, but you have made yourself clear so you can just walk away instead of standing there taking it.
Big hugs to you because it can really stink being the mama of an addict/alcoholic.
I thought about that and why he only did it with me and I think the answer was because I stood there and listened and took it. My husband would have thrown him out of the house for being so disrespectful.
So I stopped allowing it. I set a boundary that I would have a reasonable conversation any time for as long as it took...but that I would not tolerate one moment of shouting or disrespect. If a conversation got heated, it was over then and there, to be revisited some other time if it was important.
The thing is, this bad behaviour was never about me. It was rarely even about whatever he was raging about. It was about a sick man with an addiction problem who was out of control.
Your son should treat you with respect. In a calmer time, maybe talk to him about this and tell him that it hurts you and that you aren't going to allow verbal abuse any more.
It may work and he may stop. Or it may not work, but you have made yourself clear so you can just walk away instead of standing there taking it.
Big hugs to you because it can really stink being the mama of an addict/alcoholic.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Oh, Jo, I'm sooooo sorry to hear about this!
I like Ann's idea of not allowing this young man to speak to you that way. You should get to feel at peace, safe, and comfortable in your home. Maybe time to set a new boundary?
HG
I like Ann's idea of not allowing this young man to speak to you that way. You should get to feel at peace, safe, and comfortable in your home. Maybe time to set a new boundary?
HG
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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Hugs, Justjo. I am trying very hard to learn to set boundaries; it seems that the ones related to how I will let others talk to me are some of the hardest ones to remember. My first reaction is to stand there dumbfounded. It's only once they walk away, that I think, 'Wait. That was inappropriate.' It's hard.
And I'm realizing, too, that sometimes self-care means telling others, even if they're family or friends, that, I'm sorry, but I just can't help with this right now.
Wishing you peace and continued strength. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
And I'm realizing, too, that sometimes self-care means telling others, even if they're family or friends, that, I'm sorry, but I just can't help with this right now.
Wishing you peace and continued strength. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
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Thankyou. Yes I do have boundaries and I used them for years with my son. I think it was the only thing that kept me sane.
I know my son is a good person and he tries very hard. But sometimes he drives me crazy with his negativity. He seems to find the worst in everything, Im starting to wonder if he has a character flaw or something. Maybe the drugs has affected him. He does get anxiety still.
It has been so nice to be around him this last year, he greets me with a hug, tells me he loves me and yet....
we are in the bakery, he is about to cut a lettuce up. I ask him if he would like me to show him how we do it. Next thing he's gone crazy, how hard is it to cut up a damn lettuce he says, screaming at me and telling me how I use him in the shop, why wont I give him a full time job?
I am gobsmacked, I use you, wow thats a turn around. I just cant work that one out. I tried thinking about what he was really trying to tell me. I still dont know.
Im rambling now, I guess I love him so much, but wow this stuff is getting old, I want to be compassionate and understand him, but that really hit me in the stomache. You know, like, where on earth is this coming from??? Then I find myself asking 'where did I go wrong, am I a bad mum, blah blah blah' Am I so stupid I cant see what he is telling me, - seems so.
JJ
I know my son is a good person and he tries very hard. But sometimes he drives me crazy with his negativity. He seems to find the worst in everything, Im starting to wonder if he has a character flaw or something. Maybe the drugs has affected him. He does get anxiety still.
It has been so nice to be around him this last year, he greets me with a hug, tells me he loves me and yet....
we are in the bakery, he is about to cut a lettuce up. I ask him if he would like me to show him how we do it. Next thing he's gone crazy, how hard is it to cut up a damn lettuce he says, screaming at me and telling me how I use him in the shop, why wont I give him a full time job?
I am gobsmacked, I use you, wow thats a turn around. I just cant work that one out. I tried thinking about what he was really trying to tell me. I still dont know.
Im rambling now, I guess I love him so much, but wow this stuff is getting old, I want to be compassionate and understand him, but that really hit me in the stomache. You know, like, where on earth is this coming from??? Then I find myself asking 'where did I go wrong, am I a bad mum, blah blah blah' Am I so stupid I cant see what he is telling me, - seems so.
JJ
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JustJo, he may not even know what he was trying to tell you, so how could you? Trying to figure it out could drive you crazy. I know that trying to figure out what XAH was telling me or not telling me drove me crazy. You didn't go wrong any where. You're a great mom dealing with a difficult situation.
Deep breath. (And stop trying to find a coherent reason where there likely isn't one.)
Deep breath. (And stop trying to find a coherent reason where there likely isn't one.)
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Ann, you're right, it does stink and yep, my son only does this with me on my own too.
Grnmtn1 & Hydrogirl, thx, it is awful, especially when it comes out from nowhere, unexpected and it throws you.
theuncertainty, in the past when my son spoke to me like that, I would give it back two fold but for a long time now, I just think about what happened and think ok, thats true for you?? and thats ok but my biggest problem is analyzing what he said. I can be more calm about it these days because I am healing greatly from much pain over my life.
Coffeedrinker, yes, I love to be around positive people, negativity has been in my life with relatives way too long and it now drives me away.
My son seems to thrive on negativity, (the world owes him, its everyone else, brick walls all around him and its his way or the highway
I know he thinks about stuff, hes not stupid, and I certainly know that he knows what buttons to push with anyone close to him.
Sometimes Im just sick of trying
Grnmtn1 & Hydrogirl, thx, it is awful, especially when it comes out from nowhere, unexpected and it throws you.
theuncertainty, in the past when my son spoke to me like that, I would give it back two fold but for a long time now, I just think about what happened and think ok, thats true for you?? and thats ok but my biggest problem is analyzing what he said. I can be more calm about it these days because I am healing greatly from much pain over my life.
Coffeedrinker, yes, I love to be around positive people, negativity has been in my life with relatives way too long and it now drives me away.
My son seems to thrive on negativity, (the world owes him, its everyone else, brick walls all around him and its his way or the highway
I know he thinks about stuff, hes not stupid, and I certainly know that he knows what buttons to push with anyone close to him.
Sometimes Im just sick of trying
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(((((JJ))))
Boy, I can surely relate. I think that sometimes these frustrated young men take things out on the one that they can safely take it out on, but that is NOT fair to us!
You need to focus on you a bit here and take care of you. you are such a good mom and dont deserve that. I know how it feels too, for we are there for them and they use us as whipping boys when things get to them. if they acted like that to another man, they might be picking their teeth up off the ground-lol.
you are probably like me, you want to be there and be understanding. but it isnt even good for them to be able to do that to us, you know? they are over stepping a boundary, and they will only regret that someday ( I hope)
I know it hurts. It is not fair. And I too wish that my son would go away sometimes. (Ok, most all the time, even tho I love him)
Maybe give him space to think about how he treated you. Stand far enough away that he cant do that to you. Let him know that you wont let wonderful JJ be treated that way. Maybe if they would just tell us what is really bothering them without them lashing out, in our direction, it would be easier to understand them.
I am sorry that it hurt you JJ. I know how that stinks. And you surely dont deserve it.
sending a big hug, from one frustrated mom to another,
chicory
Boy, I can surely relate. I think that sometimes these frustrated young men take things out on the one that they can safely take it out on, but that is NOT fair to us!
You need to focus on you a bit here and take care of you. you are such a good mom and dont deserve that. I know how it feels too, for we are there for them and they use us as whipping boys when things get to them. if they acted like that to another man, they might be picking their teeth up off the ground-lol.
you are probably like me, you want to be there and be understanding. but it isnt even good for them to be able to do that to us, you know? they are over stepping a boundary, and they will only regret that someday ( I hope)
I know it hurts. It is not fair. And I too wish that my son would go away sometimes. (Ok, most all the time, even tho I love him)
Maybe give him space to think about how he treated you. Stand far enough away that he cant do that to you. Let him know that you wont let wonderful JJ be treated that way. Maybe if they would just tell us what is really bothering them without them lashing out, in our direction, it would be easier to understand them.
I am sorry that it hurt you JJ. I know how that stinks. And you surely dont deserve it.
sending a big hug, from one frustrated mom to another,
chicory
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Originally Posted by chicory 
(((((JJ))))
you are such a good mom and dont deserve that. I know how it feels too, for we are there for them and they use us as whipping boys when things get to them. if they acted like that to another man, they might be picking their teeth up off the ground-lol.
chicory
you are such a good mom and dont deserve that. I know how it feels too, for we are there for them and they use us as whipping boys when things get to them. if they acted like that to another man, they might be picking their teeth up off the ground-lol.
chicory
I guess I feel I have given my children the best I was able to, I really believe that. Of course Im not perfect, theyre not perfect but heck, give me a d_mn break. I didnt get a book at birth, but Ive always loved them, supported and been there when they needed anything.
Somehow I feel as though I am paying for it though. Heck I dont know? Im not a robot, Im human after all.
I am going to take your advice though and take a break from it all, leave them to the own troubles once and for all. I know he will contact me eventually as if nothing happened but this time I am going to remind him that - its ok for him to think what he wants but next time he can tell me nicely, not like a damn monster gone mad.
JJ :ghug3
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Sometimes I think it would be a good idea to get myself a big, hairy, ape-like live-in boyfriend, and let the chips (or sons teeth) fall where they may!
lmao
Good JJ- you go and have some life without that worry for a while. He is a big boy, and can find someone else to emotionally batter when he needs to.You deserve better. so do i.
And you have done a good job of being there for them. sometimes that is the problem, I think-certain people take unfair advantage of that kindness.
love n hugs,
chicory
lmaoGood JJ- you go and have some life without that worry for a while. He is a big boy, and can find someone else to emotionally batter when he needs to.You deserve better. so do i.
And you have done a good job of being there for them. sometimes that is the problem, I think-certain people take unfair advantage of that kindness.
love n hugs,
chicory
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Sometimes I think I would have done a better job at parenting if I had been more like my Grandmother.
I remember once hearing her tell my cousin, Billy Ray, after one of his spoiled tirades " I'll mash your mouth all over your face".
No wonder none of her 7 children EVER spoke to her with less than respect!
do something nice for you today-
hugs
chicory
I remember once hearing her tell my cousin, Billy Ray, after one of his spoiled tirades " I'll mash your mouth all over your face".
No wonder none of her 7 children EVER spoke to her with less than respect!
do something nice for you today-hugs
chicory
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
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Ann had a wonderful post:
Justjo, my son used to have what I called a good blowout every few months too, strangely enough never when my husband was around.
I thought about that and why he only did it with me and I think the answer was because I stood there and listened and took it. My husband would have thrown him out of the house for being so disrespectful.
So I stopped allowing it. I set a boundary that I would have a reasonable conversation any time for as long as it took...but that I would not tolerate one moment of shouting or disrespect. If a conversation got heated, it was over then and there, to be revisited some other time if it was important.
The thing is, this bad behaviour was never about me. It was rarely even about whatever he was raging about. It was about a sick man with an addiction problem who was out of control.
Your son should treat you with respect. In a calmer time, maybe talk to him about this and tell him that it hurts you and that you aren't going to allow verbal abuse any more.
It may work and he may stop. Or it may not work, but you have made yourself clear so you can just walk away instead of standing there taking it.
Big hugs to you because it can really stink being the mama of an addict/alcoholic.
I'd try to set some rules
1. I am not allowed to say I am stupid EVER.
If I catch myself, I won't beat myself up, but comfort myself with positive thoughts.
2. If he gets like that I will...(walk away? Ask him to leave? Whatever works).
3. I will not try to make sanity out of insane talk.
This last one I have done ad infinitum! Maybe it was me. Maybe he's right...
It is crazy making.
I remind myself to trust my gut. If it makes me feel bad and mixed up, I can probably ignore it as nonsense.
We believe in your goodness; it's time you did, too! You're worth it!
Justjo, my son used to have what I called a good blowout every few months too, strangely enough never when my husband was around.
I thought about that and why he only did it with me and I think the answer was because I stood there and listened and took it. My husband would have thrown him out of the house for being so disrespectful.
So I stopped allowing it. I set a boundary that I would have a reasonable conversation any time for as long as it took...but that I would not tolerate one moment of shouting or disrespect. If a conversation got heated, it was over then and there, to be revisited some other time if it was important.
The thing is, this bad behaviour was never about me. It was rarely even about whatever he was raging about. It was about a sick man with an addiction problem who was out of control.
Your son should treat you with respect. In a calmer time, maybe talk to him about this and tell him that it hurts you and that you aren't going to allow verbal abuse any more.
It may work and he may stop. Or it may not work, but you have made yourself clear so you can just walk away instead of standing there taking it.
Big hugs to you because it can really stink being the mama of an addict/alcoholic.
I'd try to set some rules
1. I am not allowed to say I am stupid EVER.
If I catch myself, I won't beat myself up, but comfort myself with positive thoughts.
2. If he gets like that I will...(walk away? Ask him to leave? Whatever works).
3. I will not try to make sanity out of insane talk.
This last one I have done ad infinitum! Maybe it was me. Maybe he's right...
It is crazy making.
I remind myself to trust my gut. If it makes me feel bad and mixed up, I can probably ignore it as nonsense.
We believe in your goodness; it's time you did, too! You're worth it!
Sunny Side Up
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
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Originally Posted by chicory
Sometimes I think it would be a good idea to get myself a big, hairy, ape-like live-in boyfriend, and let the chips (or sons teeth) fall where they may!lmao
lmao
Where can I get one of those 
Thanku FP, yes Ann always has beautiful posts too, I like your rules, especially this one : If I catch myself, I won't beat myself up, but comfort myself with positive thoughts. and yes Ive got to stop trying to make sanity out of insanity too.
Thanks for making me laugh today. JJ
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Justjo,
I really like FP's post to you.
Remembering to never call ourselves stupid is big. Done that too much in my life.
And the part about "if it makes us feel bad and mixed up, it can probably be ignored as nonsense'- I like that too.
I hope that today was a better day for you JJ.:ghug3
chicory
I really like FP's post to you.
Remembering to never call ourselves stupid is big. Done that too much in my life.
And the part about "if it makes us feel bad and mixed up, it can probably be ignored as nonsense'- I like that too.
I hope that today was a better day for you JJ.:ghug3
chicory
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(((Justjo))) - I'm sorry he lashed out at you
I've recently been through something similar with my niece, who I love as if she were my kid, but if she were MINE, she'd have more respect, darnit! She has had a rocky life, stepmom (her g'ma) has never allowed her to deal with any consequences, and so she is a very, very angry 17-year-old.
She's decided to take out her frustrations on me. After the last go-round, with nasty texts, a screaming voice mail, I texted her that if she wants to take out her anger on someone who loves her, I am NOT the one.
What she's said and done, hurt, but I came here, and got myself back on track.
We do NOT deserve to be disrespected, and, like you..I don't even know what it is that she's so angry at me about, but I suspect it's not ME she's angry at, I'm just the one that's "safe", as in I will always love her, but I also don't put up with her antics. I've gone NC with her. SHE is waiting for an apology from me, but she can just keep waiting...my side of the street is clean.
Major hugs and prayers, as I know how hard this is
Amy
I've recently been through something similar with my niece, who I love as if she were my kid, but if she were MINE, she'd have more respect, darnit! She has had a rocky life, stepmom (her g'ma) has never allowed her to deal with any consequences, and so she is a very, very angry 17-year-old.
She's decided to take out her frustrations on me. After the last go-round, with nasty texts, a screaming voice mail, I texted her that if she wants to take out her anger on someone who loves her, I am NOT the one.
What she's said and done, hurt, but I came here, and got myself back on track.
We do NOT deserve to be disrespected, and, like you..I don't even know what it is that she's so angry at me about, but I suspect it's not ME she's angry at, I'm just the one that's "safe", as in I will always love her, but I also don't put up with her antics. I've gone NC with her. SHE is waiting for an apology from me, but she can just keep waiting...my side of the street is clean.
Major hugs and prayers, as I know how hard this is
Amy
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Nice to hear from you Impurfect
I think you are right 'lashing out at the one they feel safe with & love' but I do think my son has some issues with me. Ive thought a little about it, it all comes back to me breaking up with his dad over 16yrs ago and I think he felt left out when he was using drugs and alcohol for alot of those years. He seems to think I care more about the other 2 boys. Its not so, I had to let him go at that time because his behaviour was unbearable and occasionally it comes out again like this.
I havent spoken to him since Monday and I too am not going to give any apologizes. Its like I have said, and to him, I did the best I could during those years with him and I cant erase his years of using. He knows how I feel but likes to remind me when His life is not going well. He tends to blame others for his troubles and the story goes 'life sucks and Ill never get anywhere'. How do you get that negativity out of his system? It drives me crazy. ive always tried to be a positive woman, at home, in a career etc. Ive texted him over the years and told him to his face that Im proud of him, he's gorgeous, I love him but it never seems to be enough. I dont know what else he wants from me. Im tired, I just cant think of anymore to give, so hes got to work it out for himself eventually.
JJ
I think you are right 'lashing out at the one they feel safe with & love' but I do think my son has some issues with me. Ive thought a little about it, it all comes back to me breaking up with his dad over 16yrs ago and I think he felt left out when he was using drugs and alcohol for alot of those years. He seems to think I care more about the other 2 boys. Its not so, I had to let him go at that time because his behaviour was unbearable and occasionally it comes out again like this.
I havent spoken to him since Monday and I too am not going to give any apologizes. Its like I have said, and to him, I did the best I could during those years with him and I cant erase his years of using. He knows how I feel but likes to remind me when His life is not going well. He tends to blame others for his troubles and the story goes 'life sucks and Ill never get anywhere'. How do you get that negativity out of his system? It drives me crazy. ive always tried to be a positive woman, at home, in a career etc. Ive texted him over the years and told him to his face that Im proud of him, he's gorgeous, I love him but it never seems to be enough. I dont know what else he wants from me. Im tired, I just cant think of anymore to give, so hes got to work it out for himself eventually.
JJ
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(((Justjo))) - Brit is also pretty darned negative. She'd rather dwell on everything that's "been done to her" than the fact that she dropped out of school, hasn't lived at home in almost a year (would rather party with her friends), no job, no money, etc.
I really can't tolerate being around people who are so negative (stepmom is like that, too, and though we live in the same house, I have to detach, but Brit got it from her).
I think Brit has issues with me, too...it's like she's jealous that I had a "normal" childhood. Well darn, I can't do anything about that. Her favorite saying, about everything is "it's not faaaaiiiiiirrrrrrr" in her southern drawl.
It sounds like she and your son are a lot alike. I've tried various things, with her, things I've learned from the people here, but right now, I've decided that I'm not going to be the brunt of her anger, and she may not get consequences from anyone else in her life, but she will get them from me! I've told her if she lays a hand on me, I will call the cops (she REALLY wanted to a few weeks ago)...she hit the door, instead.
She knows what I went through in my own addiction, and how much I've struggled to get back on my feet. The "good side" of her always tells me how proud she is of me and how much she loves me. Unfortunately, the "good side" seems to be MIA.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread about my stuff with her, but there are so many similarities, I just wanted you to know I get it. I told my dad and stepmom that she has to walk her own path and find her own way, just as I did. I'M willing to step back and allow that, but they are still codies, so who knows. All we can do is "us"
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
I really can't tolerate being around people who are so negative (stepmom is like that, too, and though we live in the same house, I have to detach, but Brit got it from her).
I think Brit has issues with me, too...it's like she's jealous that I had a "normal" childhood. Well darn, I can't do anything about that. Her favorite saying, about everything is "it's not faaaaiiiiiirrrrrrr" in her southern drawl.
It sounds like she and your son are a lot alike. I've tried various things, with her, things I've learned from the people here, but right now, I've decided that I'm not going to be the brunt of her anger, and she may not get consequences from anyone else in her life, but she will get them from me! I've told her if she lays a hand on me, I will call the cops (she REALLY wanted to a few weeks ago)...she hit the door, instead.
She knows what I went through in my own addiction, and how much I've struggled to get back on my feet. The "good side" of her always tells me how proud she is of me and how much she loves me. Unfortunately, the "good side" seems to be MIA.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread about my stuff with her, but there are so many similarities, I just wanted you to know I get it. I told my dad and stepmom that she has to walk her own path and find her own way, just as I did. I'M willing to step back and allow that, but they are still codies, so who knows. All we can do is "us"
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
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You didnt hijack this thread at all Impurfect. Its nice to know Im not alone and Im sorry you have to go through it too. Ive been working my butt off the last five days of easter, Im soooo tired 12hr days and its my sons birthday today arghhhh. What to do.
Hes still playing his game with me. I thought ok Im the grown up here (hes 27 for goodness sake) so sent a couple of texts msgs to him just saying 'would you like to go out somewhere nice for your birthday, if theres somewhere nice youd like to go, let me know'
Well I didnt get an answer (guess; what) left it a couple of days, so I called him, same thing 'yep, no' answers, so said, call me if you would like to get together with family, it would be nice'
(guess; what) I still havent heard from him, so Im dumbfounded, and Im thinking do I try again today 'his birthday' or leave it. it is his birthday today, so here I go again, thinking I dont want him to think Im mad with him but on the other hand, I just want him to grow up and stop playing mind games.
blah
Hes still playing his game with me. I thought ok Im the grown up here (hes 27 for goodness sake) so sent a couple of texts msgs to him just saying 'would you like to go out somewhere nice for your birthday, if theres somewhere nice youd like to go, let me know'
Well I didnt get an answer (guess; what) left it a couple of days, so I called him, same thing 'yep, no' answers, so said, call me if you would like to get together with family, it would be nice'
(guess; what) I still havent heard from him, so Im dumbfounded, and Im thinking do I try again today 'his birthday' or leave it. it is his birthday today, so here I go again, thinking I dont want him to think Im mad with him but on the other hand, I just want him to grow up and stop playing mind games.
blah
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