This is petty, I know....
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This is petty, I know....
I am pissed today.
It is all over petty stuff.
I know I am going to hear from some of you about how I should just let these things go, but today, I need to vent.
My husband is back from a 4 day trip.
He piled all of his crap in the mudroom in a nice big pile right in the middle and then headed straight for the recliner.
Here is a list of the "little" things my RAH does that drive me crazy:
1-This morning, I walked into the kitchen to see him cough something up and then precede to spit it in the sink.....didn't even run water to wash it down.
2-He gets up early for work. Turns on every light, slams cupboard doors/drawers, entry door...throws utensils in sink...basically makes no attempt to even try to keep the kids from waking up.
3-He makes coffee every morning and every morning there is coffee grounds all over the floor and counter as well as coffee that he spills from his cup after he pours it.
4-He spills cereal on the counter and floor ALMOST every morning.
5-He has terrible gas, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year....and he thinks it's funny.
6-He flosses his teeth and food particles are left all over the mirror to dry.
7-He leaves his dirty clothes and wet towels all over the house.
8-When he uses my vehicle, he throws his garbage on the floor and leaves it there.
9-He chews tobacco and spits in the bathroom sink.
10-He clears his nasal passages while in the shower. I am sure there is a term for this, but basically, he plugs one side and blows the crap out of the other.
11-He is a double-flusher...but only flushes once.
12-He leaves garbage all over the yard...bags, boxes, bottles, cans, etc. We had a broken dryer and I asked him to take it to the landfill. I later found it thrown out in our back 40.
13-He puts his boots on and then walks through the house....every morning. Dirt everywhere...EVERY morning! My kids even know better.
14-He leaves his dirty dishes and garbage on the endtables.
15-He can't remember to do any of his chores (which are very limited) He needs to be reminded many times to change the furnace filter, softener filter, septic filter or even change a lightbulb.
16-Our bed feels like a sandbox, even the day after I wash sheets. He can't come up with a reason why.....but the problem disappeared when he was gone.
17-He eats in the living room, but tells the kids they can't.
18-He always has his hand in his pants.
19-He has ugly feet.
20-Apparently he was never taught how to wipe his A**, which makes doing laundry my least favorite chore in the entire world. This, too, is daily.
This is not everything, but I will stop here. I feel much better. Thanks for listening to my Friday Morning Rant!!
It is all over petty stuff.
I know I am going to hear from some of you about how I should just let these things go, but today, I need to vent.
My husband is back from a 4 day trip.
He piled all of his crap in the mudroom in a nice big pile right in the middle and then headed straight for the recliner.
Here is a list of the "little" things my RAH does that drive me crazy:
1-This morning, I walked into the kitchen to see him cough something up and then precede to spit it in the sink.....didn't even run water to wash it down.
2-He gets up early for work. Turns on every light, slams cupboard doors/drawers, entry door...throws utensils in sink...basically makes no attempt to even try to keep the kids from waking up.
3-He makes coffee every morning and every morning there is coffee grounds all over the floor and counter as well as coffee that he spills from his cup after he pours it.
4-He spills cereal on the counter and floor ALMOST every morning.
5-He has terrible gas, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year....and he thinks it's funny.
6-He flosses his teeth and food particles are left all over the mirror to dry.
7-He leaves his dirty clothes and wet towels all over the house.
8-When he uses my vehicle, he throws his garbage on the floor and leaves it there.
9-He chews tobacco and spits in the bathroom sink.
10-He clears his nasal passages while in the shower. I am sure there is a term for this, but basically, he plugs one side and blows the crap out of the other.
11-He is a double-flusher...but only flushes once.
12-He leaves garbage all over the yard...bags, boxes, bottles, cans, etc. We had a broken dryer and I asked him to take it to the landfill. I later found it thrown out in our back 40.
13-He puts his boots on and then walks through the house....every morning. Dirt everywhere...EVERY morning! My kids even know better.
14-He leaves his dirty dishes and garbage on the endtables.
15-He can't remember to do any of his chores (which are very limited) He needs to be reminded many times to change the furnace filter, softener filter, septic filter or even change a lightbulb.
16-Our bed feels like a sandbox, even the day after I wash sheets. He can't come up with a reason why.....but the problem disappeared when he was gone.
17-He eats in the living room, but tells the kids they can't.
18-He always has his hand in his pants.
19-He has ugly feet.
20-Apparently he was never taught how to wipe his A**, which makes doing laundry my least favorite chore in the entire world. This, too, is daily.
This is not everything, but I will stop here. I feel much better. Thanks for listening to my Friday Morning Rant!!
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LOL.
These things are, alot, not really exclusive to alcoholics.
These things sound like a sloppy, inconsiderate person.
I am sorry you have to deal with it.
I sometimes have had blood boiling aggression towrd my RAH because of the way he stands. LOL.
I think it is a manifestation of so much more. Under the surface. This stuff isnt really that petty, but everyday things can become landmines when someone disrespects you and otherwise crosses your boundaries on a regular basis. .
These things are, alot, not really exclusive to alcoholics.
These things sound like a sloppy, inconsiderate person.
I am sorry you have to deal with it.
I sometimes have had blood boiling aggression towrd my RAH because of the way he stands. LOL.
I think it is a manifestation of so much more. Under the surface. This stuff isnt really that petty, but everyday things can become landmines when someone disrespects you and otherwise crosses your boundaries on a regular basis. .
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Thanks for making me laugh! I needed it this morning. I could have written about 3/4 of what you have down. For a moment I thought maybe you married the clone of my AH. I'm not sure if it is a man thing or an A thing, but whatever makes them that way just drives me insane sometimes. SO dang selfish. When I point it out I usually get "it wasn't me", but yet, like you stated here, it magically doesn't happen when they are gone.
I hope you feel better after venting.
I hope you feel better after venting.
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OMG, Silly Squirrel- I know your intent wasn't to make us laugh and I SO get you about how the little everyday annoying things can make our blood boil-- but boy, do you have a gift for writing things in just a way that made me laugh out loud as I read your list.... Maybe part of my laughing was in a "wow- someone else's H does that too and it's not just me being a "nag" that I find it appalling".
My own list... (in hopes of amusing a bit too)
1. Farts constantly, smirks and acts like it's amusing and says he can't control it (yet miraculously COULD control it the whole time we dated)
2. Makes this HUGE oscar worthy performance out of sneezing.... everysingletime
3. Has nasty toes
4. Has foul breath a lot regardless of brushing teeth or mouthwash usage
I could continue but this suffices to make my point... When I met him I didn't see any of this. And when he isn't being a HUGE a$$hole none of it is obvious-- but all his little quirks and the degree to which I hate them seem directly proportionate to how much of a jerk he is!
My own list... (in hopes of amusing a bit too)
1. Farts constantly, smirks and acts like it's amusing and says he can't control it (yet miraculously COULD control it the whole time we dated)
2. Makes this HUGE oscar worthy performance out of sneezing.... everysingletime
3. Has nasty toes
4. Has foul breath a lot regardless of brushing teeth or mouthwash usage
I could continue but this suffices to make my point... When I met him I didn't see any of this. And when he isn't being a HUGE a$$hole none of it is obvious-- but all his little quirks and the degree to which I hate them seem directly proportionate to how much of a jerk he is!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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:agh:
This exactly!
It became so all consuming almost anything he did would make my blood boil. I'm so glad to be free of some of the things on your list though!!
When it got really bad, and I was chronically sleep deprived because of the babies, I could barely tolerate the cat meowing and the cat is soft and lovable....and even mostly smelled good.
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
I think it is a manifestation of so much more. Under the surface. This stuff isnt really that petty, but everyday things can become landmines when someone disrespects you and otherwise crosses your boundaries on a regular basis. .
It became so all consuming almost anything he did would make my blood boil. I'm so glad to be free of some of the things on your list though!!
When it got really bad, and I was chronically sleep deprived because of the babies, I could barely tolerate the cat meowing and the cat is soft and lovable....and even mostly smelled good.
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Originally Posted by Alone22
Can I add one of my favorites?
1. Blows his nose as loud as he can while I am still eating dinner.
1. Blows his nose as loud as he can while I am still eating dinner.
Now, how many of these are "male" habits do you think? My best friends H who is not an A does pretty much the same nasty things as my H with the same attitude (particularly about body function stuff) and I think a lot of it is just male comfort zone...
Oh, I forgot to mention how much the hand always in his pants remark amused me.
I asked my H once recently what that was about (why his hand must rest INSIDE the top of his pants while he is sitting watching tv) and he told me and I quote "I need to rest my hand and there's no place else to rest it". Yup.
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This must all be part of the male DNA code written in to their brains before they're born.
Along with my EXABF, my ex-husband (non alcoholic, but 100% a**hole) owned a lot of these charming behaviours.......
Does he have an Al Bundy fixation?
Along with my EXABF, my ex-husband (non alcoholic, but 100% a**hole) owned a lot of these charming behaviours.......
I asked my H once recently what that was about (why his hand must rest INSIDE the top of his pants while he is sitting watching tv) and he told me and I quote "I need to rest my hand and there's no place else to rest it". Yup.
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I love Al Bundy! That show makes me laugh out loud.
I think alot of it is men issues, as well as A issues. When men are bachelors, they pretty much live the way you are describing your husband, squirrel. Lives like no one else is around, and that is selfish. There are women that live the same way, but men definitely take the cake on it usually.
My favorite was when I would mention these things to my ex, about cleaning up the sink in the bathroom, or laundry on the floor, whatever, he would get defensive about me trying to "change him". But by asking me to tolerate it, isn't that the same as you trying to change me? Asking me to live like that, in filth, and cleaning up after him, is just as much of an inconvenience for me as it would be for him to make an effort NOT to live like that.
Yours definitely takes it to the extreme though.
The blowing the nose thing, the one-side-at-a-time technique, is called a 'construction blow'
I think alot of it is men issues, as well as A issues. When men are bachelors, they pretty much live the way you are describing your husband, squirrel. Lives like no one else is around, and that is selfish. There are women that live the same way, but men definitely take the cake on it usually.
My favorite was when I would mention these things to my ex, about cleaning up the sink in the bathroom, or laundry on the floor, whatever, he would get defensive about me trying to "change him". But by asking me to tolerate it, isn't that the same as you trying to change me? Asking me to live like that, in filth, and cleaning up after him, is just as much of an inconvenience for me as it would be for him to make an effort NOT to live like that.
Yours definitely takes it to the extreme though.
The blowing the nose thing, the one-side-at-a-time technique, is called a 'construction blow'
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
OMG, Silly Squirrel- I know your intent wasn't to make us laugh and I SO get you about how the little everyday annoying things can make our blood boil-- but boy, do you have a gift for writing things in just a way that made me laugh out loud as I read your list.... Maybe part of my laughing was in a "wow- someone else's H does that too and it's not just me being a "nag" that I find it appalling".
My own list... (in hopes of amusing a bit too)
1. Farts constantly, smirks and acts like it's amusing and says he can't control it (yet miraculously COULD control it the whole time we dated)
2. Makes this HUGE oscar worthy performance out of sneezing.... everysingletime
3. Has nasty toes
4. Has foul breath a lot regardless of brushing teeth or mouthwash usage
I could continue but this suffices to make my point... When I met him I didn't see any of this. And when he isn't being a HUGE a$$hole none of it is obvious-- but all his little quirks and the degree to which I hate them seem directly proportionate to how much of a jerk he is!
My own list... (in hopes of amusing a bit too)
1. Farts constantly, smirks and acts like it's amusing and says he can't control it (yet miraculously COULD control it the whole time we dated)
2. Makes this HUGE oscar worthy performance out of sneezing.... everysingletime
3. Has nasty toes
4. Has foul breath a lot regardless of brushing teeth or mouthwash usage
I could continue but this suffices to make my point... When I met him I didn't see any of this. And when he isn't being a HUGE a$$hole none of it is obvious-- but all his little quirks and the degree to which I hate them seem directly proportionate to how much of a jerk he is!
Yes!!!!! Why was it controllable the entire 5 years we dated and now it is not??
Oh...and I have some more to add, also
21-He is a super loud snorer. So bad, in fact, that on the very rare occasion that he is NOT snoring, I actually check him to make sure he is still breathing! (Not kidding)
22-He farts at the dinner table and when I give him the "look", he says it wasn't his fault, it just slipped out. Ummm, yeah, ok...."kids, another lesson of what not to do".
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Originally Posted by sillysquirrel
Yes!!!!! Why was it controllable the entire 5 years we dated and now it is not??
Oh...and I have some more to add, also
21-He is a super loud snorer. So bad, in fact, that on the very rare occasion that he is NOT snoring, I actually check him to make sure he is still breathing! (Not kidding)
Oh...and I have some more to add, also
21-He is a super loud snorer. So bad, in fact, that on the very rare occasion that he is NOT snoring, I actually check him to make sure he is still breathing! (Not kidding)
22-He farts at the dinner table and when I give him the "look", he says it wasn't his fault, it just slipped out. Ummm, yeah, ok...."kids, another lesson of what not to do".
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Originally Posted by sillysquirrel
21-He is a super loud snorer. So bad, in fact, that on the very rare occasion that he is NOT snoring, I actually check him to make sure he is still breathing! (Not kidding)
.
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23-He opens a new box of (same kind)cereal (bag of bread, gallon of milk, etc) without using up the one that is already opened.
24-He shaves his head and claims that he cleaned up the mess but for some reason there is hair all over the bathroom sink, floor, my toothbrush, etc.
Oh boy, I am just getting warmed up!!! I could go all day!
24-He shaves his head and claims that he cleaned up the mess but for some reason there is hair all over the bathroom sink, floor, my toothbrush, etc.
Oh boy, I am just getting warmed up!!! I could go all day!
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Okay, you've got me beat. My AW doesn't lift a finger around the house, but doesn't do half the things listed here.
My biggest pet peeve is that she'll fix herself a sandwich and leave everything on the counter.... empty tuna can, knife with Mayo all over it, etc.
I feel certain that if she lived alone, her house would look like the ones you see on "Hoarders".
My biggest pet peeve is that she'll fix herself a sandwich and leave everything on the counter.... empty tuna can, knife with Mayo all over it, etc.
I feel certain that if she lived alone, her house would look like the ones you see on "Hoarders".
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"those are the behaviors of an absolute slob who was never house trained"
I think you're right. Alcoholism may aggravate these behaviors, but something else is the root cause.
In my AW's case, she seems to have inherited it from her father. He lived with his mother until she died... never worked a day while I knew him. Spent his days sitting in a recliner watching sports on TV. This pretty much describes my AW... she's becoming her father.
I think you're right. Alcoholism may aggravate these behaviors, but something else is the root cause.
In my AW's case, she seems to have inherited it from her father. He lived with his mother until she died... never worked a day while I knew him. Spent his days sitting in a recliner watching sports on TV. This pretty much describes my AW... she's becoming her father.
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Wow, what a prize! I can see why you don't want a divorce. /*sarcasm off*
Seriously, what are you getting out of this relationship? Here's something Lexiecat wrote on your other thread. Seems to apply here, as well.
L
Seriously, what are you getting out of this relationship? Here's something Lexiecat wrote on your other thread. Seems to apply here, as well.
Originally Posted by LexieCat
being married to a jerk is only marginally better than being married to a drunken jerk.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
i know this is a vent and a release and there is some humor to be found, but can i just say one thing???
EWWWWWWWWWWW. those are the behaviors of an absolute slob who was never house trained. and i think they SCREAM volumes about the person and THAT i think deserves a good hard look. is this someone i really want to share my life and my home with? is this someone i want to have influence over my children? is ANY of this acceptable? i mean we are talking lack of basic hygiene skills.......to say nothing of complete and total disregard for anyone else.
gross.
EWWWWWWWWWWW. those are the behaviors of an absolute slob who was never house trained. and i think they SCREAM volumes about the person and THAT i think deserves a good hard look. is this someone i really want to share my life and my home with? is this someone i want to have influence over my children? is ANY of this acceptable? i mean we are talking lack of basic hygiene skills.......to say nothing of complete and total disregard for anyone else.
gross.
I think he has always been this way. It has just become more apparent because I now have 4 children to take care of and pick up after in addition to him. It truly is a lot of work to have him around.
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10. In my neck of the woods is called a "snot rocket".
And having an older brother...I don't think any of these are abnormal for a GUY, no offense to the guys out there who do take some pride in themselves around their wives...
I put my foot down when I got a few of those on your list - said that kind of behavior is not sexy so better reconsider and have some manners. That worked.
And having an older brother...I don't think any of these are abnormal for a GUY, no offense to the guys out there who do take some pride in themselves around their wives...
I put my foot down when I got a few of those on your list - said that kind of behavior is not sexy so better reconsider and have some manners. That worked.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
yes but you aren't married to and living with HIS MOTHER...you've been with this set of behaviors you described above long enough to have 4 kids. to echo LTD, what are you getting out of this arrangement? how has it become ok to live with ANYONE with that list of behaviors?
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