Chelle3

I want to thank everyone for the wisdom and support I've found here over the past few weeks.

My AH and I have been back and forth between divorcing and trying to work things out while he continues to drink.

Today I said the wrong thing and he exploded. I saw a side of him I've never seen before. He's been verbally abusive in the past and I'm sure I have been too, but today I was truly afraid the abuse could become physical. He has such hatred for me. It was good for me to see this side though. After seeing it I know I will never take him back and I will always know I made the right decision.

We told our daughters tonight and he will be moving out in the next week or two.

I am grateful that I've learned what abuse and manipulation are, so I could identify when it was happening to me. I'm grateful I got out in time. I'm grateful I won't have to live this way anymore even though life will be hard for a while.

Thanks all for your support,
Chelle

NewChapter

So sorry, Chelle. Sending hugs and prayers your way. You are showing great courage and, although there may be difficult days ahead, you are on your own road to health for you and your children.

Many of us are on the same road and are here for you. Sleep well.

ItsmeAlice

Oh wow. I'm so sorry. I really am. I remember when my EX turned that page. When I saw an anger in him that I never saw before. When I realized that he could easily lose the sliver of control he had left and physically harm me. When I knew that he really did not want to change his life but rather be left alone to liveit as he saw fit.

I knew we would separate. I knew it was truly over. No discussion. No working things out. No more trying.

It all seemed so final. It hurt.

I know the hurt and I'm sorry.

You may not be traveling further down the road together, but you Chelle, certainly have a new path to begin walking. I've made the most of my journey and just posted on the progress I have made in another thread.

Keep posting and sharing your journey.

Alice

boomerlady

So sorry, Chelle, but it sounds like you are going down the right path to a better tomorrow.

I have also seen my AH come far too close to losing that sliver of control he has. He has not been physically abusive, but when I think of telling him I want a divorce, I do worry he'll go off the deep end. Did either of you worry about this when you told your XAH that you wanted a divorce? There's really no easy way to tell someone totally out of touch with reality that you've had more than enough.

bookwyrm

Chelle, you're about to enter a very volatile stage. Please read the threads here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html and be safe!

starlight40

" When I knew that he really did not want to change his life but rather be left alone to liveit as he saw fit."

Thank you Itsmealice. That's what I am just coming to realize now with my AH.
All the promises he made, all the lies he told were just his way of getting me to put myself at his mercy. So I have no opinion, no thoughts, no feelings, no voice. And he is free to do what he wants wether I am here or not.

And to Chelle,
Iam not in a position to give advice just yet.....but I just wanted to say, after leaving my first ex with my two children, that it will get better.
All the pain your going through now is temporary.
Even the longest rain storm will eventually end, making way for beautiful rainbows.:ghug3

Chelle3

Thanks everyone for your support. It's me Alice, what you said is exactly true for me.

I start a new job tomorrow, which I got as my first baby step to self reliance before we were even sure about divorce. I pray that my mind will be clear enough that I can do well at it.

I hope that my life will get better and that I will be happy. Right now it hurts.

Pelican

Sending ((((hugs)))) and encouragement

Chelle3

Thanks for the links Bookwyrm.

stella27

It does hurt, Chelle. A year and a half later, it still hurts sometime even though my rational brain knows there was no other way.

The alternative is simply worse. Living in fear, tip-toeing - but knowing that even with the tiptoeing, you will STILL say something wrong and then watch out. All the good intentions in the world can't keep him from unleashing his anger on you, and your chidlren will see it. And grow up twisted and strained from living that way.

Sometimes you don't have a good choice, and you take the lesser of the evils. Raising kids in the midst of alcoholism and abuse is a greater evil than raising them yourself.

Thumper

Sending you strength and fortitude for the next part of your journey.

I to remember that switch. It was another level of the same ending I guess. I had a tiny fantasy left in my head, even after we were getting divorced, that 'some day down the road when recovery happened' we could make it work. People shared stories of that.

Well, I was never afraid he'd hurt me physically but I did see where he would go when the going got rough so to speak. I could never, ever again, partner up with someone that could do that.

Chelle3

Thank you Stella and Thumper. It's still strange to me how many of us have or are walking the same path.