Valentines gesture..need support not responding
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 39
Valentines gesture..need support not responding
XABF had a dozen roses delivered today. I have been no contact for over 3 weeks except for one e-mail regarding a car of his I still have on my property. The roses didn't sway me, but I have been struggling for hours to not send an e-mail acknowledging them and telling him to save his money in the future. I know they were a manipulation, but I feel like such a bitch not at least saying something. Help me see this clearly. Thanks and Happy Valentines Day!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
Put them in a vase if you want. Watch them bloom as a symbol of your growth. Or in the bin, as a symbol of being done with the displays of affection which never really rang true.
Either way, you don't have to acknowledge them.. it's a siren call, up to you if you stay off the rocks.
*hugs*
Tx
Either way, you don't have to acknowledge them.. it's a siren call, up to you if you stay off the rocks.
*hugs*
Tx
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You might want to drop them off at a local hospital or nursing home for a patient who could use some cheering up.
I had someone (not anyone I dated--it was a work situation) send me flowers that I didn't feel it was appropriate to keep, and that's what I did. It can give you a warm feeling inside.
I had someone (not anyone I dated--it was a work situation) send me flowers that I didn't feel it was appropriate to keep, and that's what I did. It can give you a warm feeling inside.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
3 weeks is a long time. Don't give it up. Your gut is telling you this is manipulation - trust yourself.
Do something! Instead of emailing him do you know anyone that could really use a lift? or that goes unnoticed? Give them away and make a positive difference with them. It will come to them as a [B]no strings attached[B] gesture to brighten their day and you get to earn some good karma
. They will be out of sight and before you know it the day will be over and the agst about what to do about the flowers gone.
It is good that you posted!
ETA: Lexie and I cross posted
Do something! Instead of emailing him do you know anyone that could really use a lift? or that goes unnoticed? Give them away and make a positive difference with them. It will come to them as a [B]no strings attached[B] gesture to brighten their day and you get to earn some good karma
. They will be out of sight and before you know it the day will be over and the agst about what to do about the flowers gone. It is good that you posted!ETA: Lexie and I cross posted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 39
Thanks I love the nursing home suggestion, but I am hosting a single ladies Valentines dinner (for my best friends and all our kids) so I can't go out to drop them off now. I was sitting here looking at them and realized I deserve these beautiful flowers! That may not be why he sent them, but its why I will keep and enjoy them. I spent four years trying to be "perfect" for him and after all that I feel no guilt smiling every time I see them and thinking how far I have come. I will not contact him, he doesn't deserve that!
I love the nursing home suggestion, but I am hosting a single ladies Valentines dinner (for my best friends and all our kids) so I can't go out to drop them off now. I was sitting here looking at them and realized I deserve these beautiful flowers! That may not be why he sent them, but its why I will keep and enjoy them. I spent four years trying to be "perfect" for him and after all that I feel no guilt smiling every time I see them and thinking how far I have come. I will not contact him, he doesn't deserve that!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I like the nursing home idea too. I bet it would cheer someone who needs cheering.
No Contact means No Contact. You are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to acknowledge those roses. I mean, roses? Really? WTF am I gonna do with ROSES?
No Contact means No Contact. You are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to acknowledge those roses. I mean, roses? Really? WTF am I gonna do with ROSES?
sorry my unhandled anger speaking..
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I say if you want to enjoy them and can, then go for it.
Heh, the law says that if a charity sends you something in the mail that you didn't request (like those icky greeting card assortments) you have no obligation to send them money or return them or acknowledge them.
I think unsolicited flowers work the same way.
Heh, the law says that if a charity sends you something in the mail that you didn't request (like those icky greeting card assortments) you have no obligation to send them money or return them or acknowledge them.
I think unsolicited flowers work the same way.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Okay, I am going to open myself up to attack here.
Flowers are just that, flowers.
My mother brought me up to thank people for things like that.
But...it's doesn't have to lead to anything else, does it? The Thank-you?
It doesn't, remember who's in control. YOU.
Flowers are just that, flowers.
My mother brought me up to thank people for things like that.
But...it's doesn't have to lead to anything else, does it? The Thank-you?
It doesn't, remember who's in control. YOU.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by brokenheartfool 
Okay, I am going to open myself up to attack here.
Flowers are just that, flowers.
My mother brought me up to thank people for things like that.
But...it's doesn't have to lead to anything else, does it? The Thank-you?
It doesn't, remember who's in control. YOU.
Flowers are just that, flowers.
My mother brought me up to thank people for things like that.
But...it's doesn't have to lead to anything else, does it? The Thank-you?
It doesn't, remember who's in control. YOU.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ashland Oregon
Posts: 256
That's one thing I like about presents ~ I can do anything I want with them. Is it rude to not even acknowledge them? Sure - but life isn't fair, and sometimes it's not fair in your favor. Enjoy the flowers!
- Sylvie
- Sylvie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 39
You guys are all great. What a wonderful thing to have support at my fingertips. I still have such a reflex to protect and tend to his feelings. All day my heart is breaking about how lonely he must be and how sad he must feel that I am not acknowledging his gesture. I feel this need to explain my self and soften the blow. I wish he was normal and I had that chance, but it would be lost on him. The only thing keeping me strong is that he wasn't worrying about my feelings when he threatened to tell my father intimate details of our love life, or called me a piece of s&^%, or sent a nasty text about my stretch marks, etc, etc. I will stay strong!
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