IBelong

I've never gotten flowers from by ABF, EVER. Besides if I did I'd eat 'em.
I love eating roses!
No calls from him, no texts, I don't care either I just want to move forward not
backwards. It doesn't hurt, not even numb.
Cleaned the house, played guitar for one hour, piano for one hour, and did some accounting.
He's probably on a bender, where as I am on a shuttle.

cp85rn

This is exactly how I feel everytime he buys me something after I get mad at him for drinking... I never exactly thought of it as a "manipulation" until now... and thinking back to all those times, I realize they are manipulations now :-/

StarCat

I never even thought of eating roses. You mean they're edible?
I'll have to try that sometime.

I never thought of roses/dinners/nights out/etc as manipulations, until my XABF started using them as examples of how "he does everything for me and I don't do anything for him." Now I realize that's exactly what they are - now that I don't believe what he's saying.

Then again, I have also realized that XABF doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants a live-in "happy ending" maid who gives him money.

Cyranoak

It always amazed me, back in the days when I spent most of my time trying to manipulate the women I was with passive-aggressively, how effective flowers and stuffed animals were in getting women to do exactly what I wanted them to do. I have to say, ladies, it's pretty much mind-boggling.

Another gift I've received from Al-Anon and recovery is that I don't do that anymore. I may be one of the few men in the world who's wife is glad she gets flowers less often. Now she knows when she gets them she's just getting them, and I'm not angling for something or feeling guilty about something.

I, in turn, get to experience what it feels like to truly give with no agenda. It turns out it feels really good.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

P.s. I hope I haven't ruined flowers and gifts for any of you. I was speaking only about myself. I'm sure most other men are completely different.

wicked

Well, Cyranoak, I will take that, and remember it.
Cause it is a fabulous experience to give with no expectations.

Beth