OT-AH has to argue with me about EVERYTHING
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Please have the cameras removed from house immediately. This is exactly what goes on. Near constant contention.
I could list 100's of examples. But today's example: We were home together for about 10 minutes this afternoon. I then realized I might have time to run our sick dog up for an ultrasound. The ultrasound appointment had to be canceled as the missus couldn't get there due to her medical appointment. So, I call the animal imagery place and figure out where they are. I then say to the nice woman on the other end of the phone that I can "be there in 10 minutes". While I am still talking on the phone, the missus starts in on me about how there is no way I can be there in 10 minutes. I have to ask the nice woman on the phone to repeat what she is saying, as I can't hear either of them with both of them talking to me at the same time.
It took me 8 minutes, 43 seconds to get there. I just had to call her and tell her.
When I come home with the report from the vet, she immediately takes a contentious stance asking me numerous questions I can't answer, then asking why I don't have the answers, and why I didn't ask those questions. I just tell her it doesn't matter why, the report will be sent to our Vet in the morning, and then we'll know everything. If she wants to ask those questions, she can call them or take the animal herself next time. And I walk away.
From my experience, this behavior is just more of the alcoholic conditioning. By the replies above, it is again so similar that we are all living near identical realities with different people.
One day, not long ago, I had a little chat about this with her. I tried to tell her there is no reason to be so argumentative with so much of what I do or say. I used the old machine gun ammo belt analogy. That she should only have so much ammo to fire and she should more selectively choose which things to argue over. If it really makes no difference, even if she initially doesn't agree, would it kill her to simply NOT SAY SO? The next day was better. There were almost no issues. We had one very minor, normal disagreement over something relatively important. But that was it. She was able to change her behavior for one day. It was enjoyable while it lasted. Now she is back to her normal, contentious self.
Essentially, my wife's entering position is in opposition to mine. No matter the issue.
I could list 100's of examples. But today's example: We were home together for about 10 minutes this afternoon. I then realized I might have time to run our sick dog up for an ultrasound. The ultrasound appointment had to be canceled as the missus couldn't get there due to her medical appointment. So, I call the animal imagery place and figure out where they are. I then say to the nice woman on the other end of the phone that I can "be there in 10 minutes". While I am still talking on the phone, the missus starts in on me about how there is no way I can be there in 10 minutes. I have to ask the nice woman on the phone to repeat what she is saying, as I can't hear either of them with both of them talking to me at the same time.
It took me 8 minutes, 43 seconds to get there. I just had to call her and tell her.
When I come home with the report from the vet, she immediately takes a contentious stance asking me numerous questions I can't answer, then asking why I don't have the answers, and why I didn't ask those questions. I just tell her it doesn't matter why, the report will be sent to our Vet in the morning, and then we'll know everything. If she wants to ask those questions, she can call them or take the animal herself next time. And I walk away.
From my experience, this behavior is just more of the alcoholic conditioning. By the replies above, it is again so similar that we are all living near identical realities with different people.
One day, not long ago, I had a little chat about this with her. I tried to tell her there is no reason to be so argumentative with so much of what I do or say. I used the old machine gun ammo belt analogy. That she should only have so much ammo to fire and she should more selectively choose which things to argue over. If it really makes no difference, even if she initially doesn't agree, would it kill her to simply NOT SAY SO? The next day was better. There were almost no issues. We had one very minor, normal disagreement over something relatively important. But that was it. She was able to change her behavior for one day. It was enjoyable while it lasted. Now she is back to her normal, contentious self.
Essentially, my wife's entering position is in opposition to mine. No matter the issue.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Mine purposely starts fights so he can leave.
I truly believe this.
It justifies his staying out late w/ his Recovery buddies by having a 'reason' ie: i'm a crazy $%^&&.
the last arguement was about the cat's collar....yes I'm serious. and it was because I said ..it's pink I' think it's a girl.
apparently that was enough to send him over the edge and out the door.
where he could b#$^& and complain about me for 5 min and then spend the next 4 hours playing video games and not feel an ounce of guilt about it.
I don't like him much these days!
I truly believe this.
It justifies his staying out late w/ his Recovery buddies by having a 'reason' ie: i'm a crazy $%^&&.
the last arguement was about the cat's collar....yes I'm serious. and it was because I said ..it's pink I' think it's a girl.
apparently that was enough to send him over the edge and out the door.
where he could b#$^& and complain about me for 5 min and then spend the next 4 hours playing video games and not feel an ounce of guilt about it.
I don't like him much these days!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I had forgot about that one..starting fights so he could leave or I would..so he could do what he really wanted. Drink and carouse where I wouldn't know what had really gone on.
But other times, there really wasn't anything to be gained by it and certainly at times it caused losses.
There is nothing sane about it. blech.
Glad that is out of my life.
Since I am no longer conditioned to it, it strikes me as unbearable.
That whole period of my life has a nightmare quality to it.
But other times, there really wasn't anything to be gained by it and certainly at times it caused losses.
There is nothing sane about it. blech.
Glad that is out of my life.
Since I am no longer conditioned to it, it strikes me as unbearable.
That whole period of my life has a nightmare quality to it.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Originally Posted by blwninthewind 
Mine purposely starts fights so he can leave.
I truly believe this.
It justifies his staying out late w/ his Recovery buddies by having a 'reason' ie: i'm a crazy $%^&&.
the last arguement was about the cat's collar....yes I'm serious. and it was because I said ..it's pink I' think it's a girl.
apparently that was enough to send him over the edge and out the door.
where he could b#$^& and complain about me for 5 min and then spend the next 4 hours playing video games and not feel an ounce of guilt about it.
I don't like him much these days!
I truly believe this.
It justifies his staying out late w/ his Recovery buddies by having a 'reason' ie: i'm a crazy $%^&&.
the last arguement was about the cat's collar....yes I'm serious. and it was because I said ..it's pink I' think it's a girl.
apparently that was enough to send him over the edge and out the door.
where he could b#$^& and complain about me for 5 min and then spend the next 4 hours playing video games and not feel an ounce of guilt about it.
I don't like him much these days!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 71
OT- AH has to argua about everything
I understand totally. I hated watching tv with AH. The news sets him off, sitcoms sets him off, anything I like sets him off. I refuse to offer my opinion to him about anything. My duaghter and I were sitting in the kitchen having a very quiet conversation about a work situation, AH asked what was going on and asked if my boss was being a jerk. I told him it was none of his business. The last time I vented to him about work he used it against me in the next argument. It felt so good and he was totally shocked. I am on emotional disconnect from him. I feel sadness because of this. But, I can not let myself get sucked back into the denial and hopefullness I had.
Honey, I totally understand. Just do not share your thoughts or emotions with him anymore. He will just use them against you.
Honey, I totally understand. Just do not share your thoughts or emotions with him anymore. He will just use them against you.
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