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What's a Loser?

Old 02-09-2011, 09:16 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sunshine321 View Post
I think a loser is someone that has caused their own demise and can't see the forest for the trees to do a thing about it when the answer is so clearly in front of them. They basically won't help themselves.
I think if I had to define the term, I'd go with the above.

That said, it's a term my XABF used to use all the time (when referring to other people).
I do not remember using the term on anyone, ever, since about fourth grade.

I believe the term today is used to hurt, which means that when I hear someone call someone else a loser, I try to look at both sides of the equation. XABF used it to "offload" some of his own feeling on inadequacy, and blameshift to others, meaning the word was (usually) more a reflection on himself than his target.
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Old 02-09-2011, 12:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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In the context of alcoholism...

...I'd call a loser somebody who has given up trying to find and engage in recovery whether they are an alcoholic like my wife, or a codependent, controlling enabler like me. And even then I don't mean it in the pejorative. It's simply an accurate description of who they have become.

To me, everybody who has not given up the fight, regardless of the success they have or have had finding and maintaining sobriety, is not a loser. In this fight I believe you haven't lost until you give up. What I admire the most about my wife is that she has never given up. Ever. I love that.

Let me be clear that I believe the first step in both AA and Al-Anon is to accept that you have lost the war against alcohol or addiction. If that's what a loser is than I'm one too.

It is accepting this loss that opens you up to recovery, and by being open to recovery you, as far as I'm concerned, start to become a winner.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

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Old 02-09-2011, 12:44 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Life isn't a game to win or lose. We all leave the same way. So I guess these terms really mean nothing to me outside the context of playing games!
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Old 02-10-2011, 09:51 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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they don't get it

Originally Posted by SoloMio View Post
Why label them at all? It's just a word with no substance--we all have different definitions, and none of them are "right." Thoreau was considered a loser; so was Einstein--were they losers?

By the very nature of the word, "loser" means that you've lost something--and that you've caused that loss (think about a "lose-er" vs. a "lose-ee"--just like employer/employee). So if you go about life causing your own losses, whether it's prosperity, relationships, or whatever, maybe you are, objectively, a loser. I don't know.. just a thought.
Exactly, to add I would say the 'loser' isn't smart enough to even realize these things until it's too late-if they are lucky. 'losers' simply don't get it.
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