pixilation

See, I've never enjoyed being drunk, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been truly drunk in my life(one of those was an accidental cough syrup overdose as a young teen, when cough syrup still contained alcohol, I took 2 tbsp instead of 2 tsp.)

I would like to have a drink or two on occasion, but it's hard because AH, if he sees me drinking, thinks I'm being his battle buddy. And oldest son gets a nervous look on his face if he see me drinking, like "oh god, not you too". So I don't.

LexieCat

See, that's what I'm talking about. Normal drinkers have a tendency to stop when they feel woozy dizzy. We alcoholics are just saddling up at that point.

Tuffgirl

My AH describes the very same experience - and I also know its very common among other alcoholics. His parents so rarely drank (they were pretty hard core Baptists) and his father's father was a hard core alcoholic so his parents were adamant about the evil in alcohol. And yet for him it was love at first drink and he fell hard and fast. I find that fascinating from a simple physiological perspective; that the brains must be wired just a bit different for those of us who can drink "normally" and those who can't. It makes me able to have compassion for the out-of-control nature, versus self will and conscious choice.

Learn2Live

For me, once I take that first sip, it's like a black hole opens up at the back of my throat and I just have to fill it. I don't remember having that feeling back when I first started drinking as a teen. I don't think I did. I just remember guzzling Jack Daniels like it was KoolAid. It wasn't until I really started partying in my twenties that I can remember feeling that black hole sensation. I read somewhere that persistent alcohol consumption actually permanently changes the structure and functioning of the cells of the body. What an interesting thread. Thanks for sharing everybody.

lillamy

My great grandparents' generation was ruined by alcohol.
My grandparents' generation were active in the teetotaller movement.
As were my parents, until they were in their 40s and then they'd have a glass of wine occasionally -- occasionally meaning maybe 3-4 times a year.

In my generation, the "institutional memory" of the damage alcohol can cause was lost. Well, not so much lost as "not passed on"...

I enjoy red wine. I enjoy two glasses of red wine, tops. But one thing that's changed post-divorce is that I think of wine differently. I used to think "oh, it's Friday, I'm going to relax with a glass of wine tonight" -- pretty much every Friday. Now, I don't think about it in connection with "I'm going to relax after a long tough week" -- I think of it as anything else. Do I want fish or meat for dinner? Do I want orange juice or milk with breakfast? Do I want wine or ice tea with dinner?

That's what I'm trying to do at least. But I think there's quite a bit of trauma related to alcohol that I may or may not overcome. Very much like you're terrified of getting in the car after having been in an accident. Even if the accident wasn't your fault.

Learn2Live

This too shall pass lillamy

Floss

Interesting thread Tuffgirl,
I'm an ACoA. When I was a teenager, I drank a lot. I drank alcoholically. When I was 19, I went on a health kick and went the other way. When I was with my AH and my defacto A, I did not drink at all. Even socially, when someone would poor me a glass of wine, I'd be lucky to have a few sips and I'd leave the rest. I hated alcohol and everything it stood for. Plus, looking back, I felt as though there needed to be one person, one parent in control. One sober parent around my children. My children have never seen me drunk and I don't keep it in my home.

When I separated from my defacto A 18 months ago, I felt some of the rebellious attitudes coming back, similar to my attitude when I was a teenager. Most of my friends are alcoholic and heavy drinkers. On the rare occasion when I didn't have my children, I would meet a friend or two at the pub for lunch and if it was a 'safe' environment, lunch would turn into an all day, half the night or all night affair, drink after drink after drink. Wine gave me terrible hangovers, so I decided to stick to vodka as I seem to have a crazy tolerance to that stuff and I could drink it without too many problems. All the while, not doing it at home, doing it when the kids weren't there. In affect, hiding it from them because I felt guilty because I've always been the one who didn't drink and there I was, doing the behaviour I couldn't stand. Just over a week ago, I was invited to the pub by two of my A friends. I didn't have any kids, so I thought, "Why not?" I told myself I'd have one or two, then stop. Eight vodkas later and I was only slightly buzzed. They invited me again last night. I politely declined. I realise that I have a problem. I don't drink all the time, but sometimes when I do (I can control on most occasions, having one or two), and when the opportunity arises (ie, no kids), and I'm in a 'safe' environment, I binge drink. Not good...That is probably why I felt so comfortable in the AA rooms. So, whilst I haven't progressed to where my friends/family are, I do have a problem and I wonder where I'd be if I didn't have to be super responsible all the time raising my five kids? I've come to the conclusion that not only do I have some of the A attitudes, I drink like an A sometimes. So, does that make me an A? Well, this is what I'm working on at the moment.

Babyblue

I grew up in one of those households where my parents had a liquor cabinet for guests; my dad would have a 'high ball' on Friday nights and occassionally I saw my mom tipsy at a wedding. There was wine with dinner or holidays and alcohol was such a part of my family life growing up. But no one became an alcoholic.

There was no mystery to alcohol and what it could do. As teens we did the usual 'sneaking wine coolers' to a party and then coming home a mess but my parents NEVER scolded or lectured which I think made a difference. They just said stuff like 'see you really can't drink like that because this is what happens'. That was as stern a message as we got.

Today I find it a challenge to drink socially because of the RABF. Ironically I used to 'party' with the RABF while in college (long before our relationship). We lived together in a college house where drinking and drugs were everywhere. I never would have imagined that he'd end up in such bad shape. He was one of the most heavily involved in the drugs sadly now that I look back. The rest of us stopped partying but he didn't and it ruined his life later on. I wonder if his life would have been different had he not lived there around so much excess. Who knows.

But yeah, I have mixed feelings now when I do take a drink and I'd never drink around him ever. Not unless he was really strong in his recovery.

PHIZ007

This thread really is bringing up lots of interesting experiences and thoughts isn't it?

I am finding each and every post really interesting.

My AH and I used to drink together when we first met.....I grew out of it and he grew more into it!! He just doesn't have that Off switch....I read somewhere here recently (sorry can't remember who posted it but its stayed with me!) that the Alcoholics off switch is broken.....

That made perfect sense to me. He drinks out of need....he almost gulps that first drink.....there is a definate significant difference in the way he drinks to the way "normies" drink.......a best friend said to me recently that she did notice years ago that AH always drinks out of a large tumbler....and not a normal wine glass! Yep she was spot on!

Keep the thread going guys! take care all Phiz

Learn2Live

Me too. But I'm not quite sure why. I've read through this thread a couple times and each time something new pops out at or makes sense to me.

I was just reminded how I have never liked the taste of alcohol, especially liquor. But once I have it, I become a fiend.

sailorjohn

Why would you think that your words would have that effect?

The only other thing I would say on the subject, is that per the forum rules, you cannot advocate drinking here.

'SoberRecovery'

brokenheartfool

I believe I've come full circle, from ignorance of alcoholism to a safe and non-abusive drink or two.
Grew up with parents only drinking occasionally and only socially.
My 20's and 30's --drank only socially but sometimes over did it because I didn't know safe limits. (The girl at the party that pukes).
Late 30's--met and married exah. Drank heavily with him for 6 years. Started to act and think like alcholics do.
Late 40's--During last year of marriage and through divorce had a hard time enjoying a single drink. There was guilt and bad memories.
Now, a year later--I can and will enjoy a drink or two on occasion. I will not let the past ruin my enjoyment of that first or second drink. I plan to never get drunk again in my life, and I only drink a few drinks each week, never to excess. I hated being drunk when it happened, and it happened only by mistake and not knowing safe limits.
This thread even triggered me to crave. I just poured half a glass of a dessert wine. I will drink only that half a glass, and it won't bother me one bit not to have anymore this weekend.
I believe I now know a safe consumption of alcohol and am very aware of what that is.
I hated being drunk, I loved being intoxicated in social situations, and for the bad years, enjoyed being intoxicated just because it was a day ending in a y, and being able to relate better to exah.
I don't have to carry any of that into my future.

boomerlady

Phiz, wow, your comment about your AH drinking from a large tumbler and not a wine glass made me want to write. My AH always drinks from a large tumbler or mug and sometimes takes it everywhere with him. He takes it in the car, in public places, etc. He has even brought it into retail stores with him.....like he can't wait to return to the car to drink!! My daughter and friend also mentioned this to me. On several occasions friends asked him what was in the big tumbler. He said "oh, it's water". Quack, quack.....lol......

DMC

Not to get too far off topic, but I just had to respond to that too! XAH always had a 1.5L bottle of water with him. And yes, it actually was water because I frequently asked for it in the middle of the night. Or at least, I'm pretty sure it was always water, as he was a beer/scotch drunk.

But it drove me nuts - why do you need a massive water bottle all the time?? I never understood it, but I'm sort of glad I'm not the only one who has wondered this. And yes, it went everywhere with him, not that he left the house often.

LexieCat

I freely admit that I have a "drinking problem" even without booze. I constantly need something to sip on. I drink way too much caffeine (usually coffee or iced tea), and it's usually in a big mug or large plastic cup. (I drank booze out of old-fashioned glasses, for the most part, so it isn't the container I was attached to.)

I don't know why that is--some kinda oral fixation, I guess (I smoke, too, and at one time was a nail-biter).

djayr

I have to believe there isn't one person who is in a relationship with an alcoholic -- who hasn't been accused of ALSO being an alcoholic because "they drink too"!

This is the most ridiculous piece of HYPOCRISY, to hear a drunk preaching against their partner's drinking, which they KNOW, is absolutely NO PROBLEM compared to their own jittery, shaky, 24 hours a day, need-a-drink-every-minute situation!

A person should be free to do as he/she pleases, as opposed to being incorrectly judged and assessed by someone else, who is certifiably insane.

So it's OK to drink if you are not an alcoholic. That's my 2 cents.

StarCat

I have an aversion to strong tastes - vinegar (not balsamic anymore, I love that stuff, but I can't eat pickles or olives) being the most obvious one. Alcohol never tasted good to me, it always tastes like expired Robitussin, so I don't drink anything.

So I may be the lucky one, but only because I don't touch the stuff, and he knows it.



XABF tried to get me to like certain drinks - not whiskey like he always drank (and he always admitted he hated the taste!), and not wine because he hated it, but sambuca was one, and this licorice-flavored stuff was another, and some fruity Italian thing that came with fruit in the bottom, even champagne once.
I always made a face when sipping any of it, so he stopped trying, and stopped ordering.

XABF was never a social drinker - he'd never have more than two shots of anything when going out (aside from his attempts to get me to try things), and usually only drank water! But he had his personal whiskey stash in the car, and whatever he bought that day was usually consumed that day, no matter how many promises he made to the contrary. He even avoided going out on New Year's Eve to most restaurants because of the "all you can drink champagne".

As a result, though, other people's drinking doesn't bother me, unless they start to get drunk. XABF was a private drinker, and the only time I'll see people drinking is socially, so it's a completely different animal than what I lived with for the last five years.

Tuffgirl

Ahhh, this still comes up in my marriage...on occasion...that I "drank" with him. So frustrating as you so eloquently point out. If I ever drank as much as he did, I'd be dead. Yeesh - why do they want to make everyone else have a problem, too?! When he really gets going, it sounds as if he really believes I should be the one in AA with the sponsor. I've learned to ignore it, and have compassion for someone who is so obviously jealous that I can drink socially and he can't. When I frame it that way in my head, it makes me sad for him.