barb dwyer

Video About Bittersweet - Big Head Todd and the Monsters | Encyclopedia.com

I think Todd is one of the sexiest voices out there right now....

this was the best I could find I don't have Ipod.

This ... is one of the best 'movin on' songs there is.

dancingnow

Interesting thread. All the differences. Wine with special dinner or with a group of friends used to be enjoyable to me but not any more.

I suppose I have still not grasped the whole concept of what it's like to be an alcoholic - to me it means you can't enjoy yourself unless alcohol is consumed and so I suppose my abstaining is me subconsciously trying to send a message to my AH and my kids.

Also I think I have an underlying fear that I may somehow become what is my idea of an alcoholic and lose my ability to enjoy the company of others without drinking.

Funny I used to think I was abstaining from drinking just to support my AH effort not to but I am surprised to find my motivation not as altruistic? as it might seem!

I like that we can bring our thoughts here and there is an atmosphere that makes me truly look inside and see and get to know my true self.

pixilation

See, I think of it differently, IMO being an alcoholic means that your goal with drinking is to get drunk. That there's no way to have just one drink with a meal, and not have another drink that night, that week.

ToBeSerene

When my AH went into the hospital so sick with near liver failure, I could have used a glass of wine! I'm not a big drinker (2 drinks) but I did get turned off from it watching AH suffer as he did.

Once he was off to treatment a friend and I met for a glass of wine ... it was so nice. The "wine" was just a small part of the moment ... the way it should be. My friend spent a couple hours with me, listening and supporting me - and we just happened to be having a glass of wine.

I don't enjoy being around drunks - have no tolerance. But I've realized that most people enjoy a drink while socializing; my friends don't drink too much, they don't get rude, and they don't ruin the evening. That's how people drinking USED to be for me!

Great thread - so good to talk about and share ...

PS - I have the same feeling towards the TV as others do - like to turn it off!

zrx1200R

I gave up drinking to support my wife as she started her recovery this summer. When I figured out how much she has been drinking since she "stopped", I gave up and started enjoying a beer or even a cocktail. Not often. And never around her. But I know I don't have a problem and haven't had "too much" to drink in over 20 years.

So, don't feel guilty. Enjoy a nice pint. I recently had a pint of a Bellhaven's bottle conditioned numbered reserve. It was stupid expensive at 14 bucks a bottle. But was outstanding. Go have one.

Cheers.

TakingCharge999

I was angry with alcohol for 2 years. Mainly I still wanted to blame something else than the XABF for all the things HE said and HE did.
Then I remember he also hurt me while sober. I could not blame alcohol anymore. I could no longer "justify" what he had done.

Then after therapy, SR and starting to get out again I realize I am back to where I was before meeting him, a social drinker with no issues of alcoholism enjoying the margaritas and the red wine. A glass of red wine is healthy with lunch, I gather (of course for someone without addiction like me)

Weeks ago I went to a cabin with some foreigners, seeing the amount of alcohol they brought got me wondering.
Surprise!
I had a lot of fun.
The driver did not drink.
When they were drinking they were also talking, cooking, playing, eating... the main goal was NOT to get drunk.
They were very kind, respectful, funny, cooked for us, cleaned up, carried the heavy stuff, and now befriend me in Facebook. Never ever did I feel threatened.
I hope you get to enjoy alcohol once in a while again. I thought I would NEVER EVER drink but, now I choose what I do regardless of how others acted in the past. This is great. Also, I thought I would never hear again some songs, yet now I can listen to them and they don't get me to cry or anything. Yes, there is life again regardless of anyone else's choices.

I think to be aware of where your decisions come from (someone else, the past, a bad experience) is a huge step forward already!

corkel

Never really had the taste for alcohol, I was always the girl at the barbeque holding the can of pepsi, while everyone else held a can of beer. Guess thats why AH always said I was "no fun". Note to AH.. I was having fun, I just wasn't falling down!

DMC

I am enjoying a glass of wine now, actually.

I grew up in a family where my parents had it with dinner, and it was a normal thing. I pretty much quit when XAH was trying to be sober, but I do cook with wine quite frequently, and I, as my mother and Julia Child prefer, put a little in the pot, and a little in the glass.

Once XAH left, I struggled a little, but ultimately decided that if I enjoy it, and I don't overdo it (about 2 glasses tops or I feel it in the morning!) why not? I have some rough days at work (like today... when I make multiple families cry and find myself near tears...) and it's nice to unwind with something.

But again, take what you like, and leave the rest. I feel like this is a very personal decision, and only something you can decide on yourself.

kilt

Outrage. I feel outrage about alcohol. It destroyed my childhood. I have never gotten over having issues with the stuff. I am pissed as hell that my sister became a distributor for a major alcohol chain. She goes out to bars every weekend and I think she drinks several times during the week. I just want to shake and her scream and her "How can you do this knowing what alcohol did to our family!!" but instead I just fume as I look at her facebook pictures and everyone has a beer in it.

Cyranoak

I know this is an older thread, but I just wanted to say that I don't believe it is healthy recovery for me to deny myself something I love because AW is suffering or can't partake of it. To me that's the epitome of codependance. It's some bent form of self-flagellation.

I love beer, wine, whiskey, and scotch. I could go on and on about what is my favorite, and why. I don't keep any in the house and choose to do my drinking when I'm not with AW, and I do it responsibly as I have been for 25 years.

I do have problems and challenges, as well as things about me that I struggle to change, it's just that overdrinking isn't one of those problems. It's too expensive and becomes a waste of really good beer/wine/scotch/whiskey. Not only that, but I can no longer enjoy the company of my friends if I drink too much.

I do miss being able to share a bottle of wine with AW though. I used to dream of being retired, sitting out on the porch with my wife watching the sun go down, and sharing a nightcap. That one's out the door. Still having trouble letting go of it.

Cyranoak

infiniti

I have to say that I agree a great deal with what jds said. I have recently (6 weeks ago) quit drinking altogether. I was never a really heavy drinker; I would only drink on weekends with friends while we were out partying. I used it mostly as "liquid courage" because I am somewhat shy and inhibited. I would drink until I was drunk, and although I didn't have blackouts or anything like that, I did binge drink. I didn't keep it in the house much, maybe beer, but rarely drank alone or at home.

Recently, I started occasionally abusing the Klonopin I was prescribed for my bipolar issues. I was supposed to be using them as a "rescue med" when I found myself in a stressful situation that I couldn't handle on my own. This was in addition to my daily med regimen of an anti-depressant and mood stabilizer, which I am not supposed to use with alcohol at all. However, I did drink almost every weekend, and in stressful situations, I would take 10-20 1mg Klonopins in one sitting rather than the 1-2 that I was supposed to take. The Klonopin was the worst, because it affected my memory, my speech, my functioning.

I am the ex-gf of a recovering meth addict. I work with him so I still see him. I'm still in love with him but it's he that doesn't want me. It's heartbreaking. He got sober in late 2009 and we broke up in mid-2010. Six weeks ago, primarily due to reading this forum and statistics on alcoholism and alcohol abuse, I decided that I don't NEED alcohol for anything (no one does, in my opinion) and I don't NEED Klonopin for anything. So I quit both altogether. I cut down my drinking considerably when my ex bf got out of rehab, but I didn't quit completely until recently.

I actually DO like the taste of beer and wine. I was never much of a hard liquor person at all. And I occasionally find myself wanting a beer or glass of wine now that I've made the decision to quit. It's not really a craving, and I can forego it with no real problem. We had a conference at work this week and almost everyone was drinking. I wanted a beer or some wine rather a lot, but I drank water and tea all night.

I am capable of drinking and holding myself to a limit, but with all the damage that alcohol does to the body, and the damage that it's caused society as a whole, I just don't see a valid reason for drinking. It's like saying I can use meth in moderation, which I can, but since it's illegal, it's not nearly as socially acceptable as alcohol is, and alcohol does a great deal more damage, in my opinion.

So I guess one could say that I changed my habits due to my recovering ex-bf, because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't know as much about addiction and substance abuse as I do, and therefore wouldn't realize exactly how much damage it all causes.

I will say that it is by the grace of God that I am not an alcoholic or addict, as alcoholism runs deep in my family, and it's well-known that many people with mental illness are addicted to something to relieve the pain in their lives. But I guess I got lucky and didn't inherit the flawed gene that helps addicts become addicts. Like I say, the grace of God.

I am happy with my decision overall. And although I may miss the occasional beer, especially when hanging out with drinking friends, I know it does nothing good for me and has no benefit.

LexieCat

Imagine how sad and empty your retirement dreams would be if she were still drinking herself to death.

Just adjust the dream to change it to sipping on iced tea or hot chocolate. It isn't the booze that makes the scene romantic.

Payne

Recently a close friend of mine hit the rock bottom moments of an alcoholic and has been working very hard in his recovery. He went to the hospital then then psych ward then rehab and now a halfway house. I have watched the pain it put my best friend through (his girlfriend,) and it turned me off from alcohol completely. I now find myself feeling a little guilty if I have one beer in a night. And my best friend who used to enjoy a rum and coke while we played cards for the night can't even touch alcohol or she fears she isn't supporting him. Rationally I see the harm it is doing to both of us "normies" to be so remarkably paranoid. Her choices are obviously her own and whether she is drinking a tea or rum and coke doesn't affect the fun we have, I only worry the long term affect the fear presents. I keep telling myself we'll both temper ourselves eventually and always talk down my guilt by explaining to myself that I am not an alcoholic and there is no crime in enjoying one beer. I love the taste of beer, the taste, not the drunk, and I'm perfectly content with one or two a night, I shouldn't feel guilty for that.

I'm an ACOA who is working very hard to release the things that were put in me before I even knew who I was and one of my biggest focuses is to release fear. The fear that you're one drink not in the presence your significant other will ruin their recovery. The fear that by drinking one beer you will immediately spiral into alcoholic oblivion. These are debilitating fears that remove our choices. And quite honestly I have had enough choices "removed" in my life. I hate to think of that happening again to myself or my friend. Reading this thread was wonderful, to hear that so many others have the same worry, and so many others think what I rationally do. Hopefully someday soon those will link up.

Tuffgirl

I really love this thread - because of the guilt and wrongness I felt having a drink, after leaving my AH because of his drinking. But now, I see its ok for me to have a drink, I am not the alcoholic, and I can respect not drinking in front of him because that's not fair, either, but on occasion I can go somewhere else and enjoy my microbrew and relax and quit taking those darn internet "do you think you are an alcoholic" surveys!

So its Saturday night, I have no plans other than a movie and internet shopping for prom dresses with my 17 yr old, and I bought myself a good smoked porter. Just one. And it's really tasty! Thanks all!

Learn2Live

I believe the occasional glass of wine is good for the heart. So if you're not alcoholic, there is a benefit to it. So, no need to feel guilt about the occasional glass.
But beer is bad for the belly (size) and I don't think it has any heart health benefits.

Roisin

When I first met AH 23 years ago I drank with him when we went out and even sometimes at home.He never tires of telling people I used to "drink him under the table"I stopped drinking when our children came along ,entirely whilst pregnant and breastfeeding.I did drink quite heavily for a couple of years when the kids were young after I was first diagnosed with my illness and my sight loss became apparent,but have now only been a very light drinker (a couple of drinks at a time ,with often several weeks between times) for about the last 10 years.When AH was quacking ,he often said the only thing wrong with our marriage was that I had changed,he had always"liked a drink"and I had known this and accepted it .As if by controlling my own drinking I was somehow being disloyal to him.
I haven't had a drink since AH left ,only 2 weeks ,and honestly don't know what I will do,I definitely won't drink around him,but whether I will ever feel like having a social drink with friends again only time will tell.

PHIZ007

What a great thread guys! I too enjoy a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend...and I too hope that my children see/learn/understand the difference in the way Mummys enjoyment of a glass or two to daddys "Need".....when they are a bit older we will be having a chat!

My Husbands family totally banned alcohol in and around then and made it a very uncomfortable subject for their children even into adulthood.....my mother in law refers to it as "The devils Nectar".....I am sure that their very attitude did severe damage. My family were responsible with alcohol and far as I know we all have a "nomal" relationship with it and all enjoy a drink at times but it was never a big deal. We can take or leave it. Even when I met my husand he would never drink or smoke around his parents?! Ironic really....he was 32 then!

I loved reading the above posts, interesting to see/hear everyones opinion. It makes you look at things differently living with an Alcoholic for sure, and I would say that my outlook on alcohol no doubt has changed but I still feel like I have it in check....I would be very cautious of not drinking more than I am comfortable with and I do enjoy a large wine on a Friday night! :0)

Take Care all Phiz

Learn2Live

PHIZ said:
And I think this is KEY for kids (though I'm not a parent so I have no personal experience with it). People are copycats and kids learn from watching others, especially their parents. I think it is as simple as that: They need to see that "normal" alcohol consumption is NOT getting plastered night after night. Especially because chances of them inheriting alcoholism are pretty strong. When they start experimenting with alcohol, they are going to do it around their peers, who are not going to serve as good models for them. And they'll probably be learning from slightly older kids who are going to be drinking to excess, to say the least. That's who I learned it from. At age 14 or so, I began drinking with kids my own age but it was 18-21 year olds who gave it to us. And 18-21 year olds who hang out in the neighborhood and give young kids alcohol are probably not who you want modeling drinking behavior for your kids.

I agree with PHIZ, great thread. Really has me thinking this morning. Thanks!

LexieCat

Heh,

My parents VERY rarely drank, though my dad would have a couple of beers on a hot afternoon or with his poker buddies. Once in a blue moon he'd have a martini (which I tasted and thought was DISGUSTING). My mom would break out the Mogen David concord wine for festive occasions--one glass each.

I remember when I had my first drinks and got buzzed, I couldn't figure out WHY anyone wouldn't drink until they got there.

IOW, I don't know that it's so much about modeling behavior as it is that those of us who become alcoholics basically fall in love with it immediately. It does something for us that it doesn't "do" for normal drinkers.

Just my own observation, based on my experience and what I hear in the rooms of AA.

tjp613

My answer is simple: After reading Under The Influence I scaled my drinking WAY back from 10 units a week to about 4. That book is a real eye-opener.