I might lose my oldest brother. :(
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by sofacat 
I'm also conflicted with going up there to see him. He is sedated, and on dialysis and can't have visitors for very long...but I don't know if I want to see him like that. I am being selfish at the moment and am EXTREMELY conflicted over what to do.
So I am sitting here in Florida, drinking my coffee...and pondering what I should do next. I want to see my brother again, but I don't know if I can handle seeing him yellow and swollen, knowing that he is in there because he drank too much vodka. And I am feeling very guilty for having these thoughts.
When I am conflicted, sometimes the best thing I can do is just say a prayer or two, and then go about my day. It seems the answer does come to me eventually.
It's okay to be angry that he's done this to himself. It's also okay to want to protect yourself, and have doubts about seeing him.
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Update:
My brother was transferred from ICU to a step down unit today.
I found out that 50% of his liver is still good. Unbelievable!!!!!
It's nothing short of a miracle. I did get to speak to him briefly on the phone, which I didn't think I would ever get to speak to my brother again.
Day at a time...but this is better news.
My brother was transferred from ICU to a step down unit today.
I found out that 50% of his liver is still good. Unbelievable!!!!!
It's nothing short of a miracle. I did get to speak to him briefly on the phone, which I didn't think I would ever get to speak to my brother again.
Day at a time...but this is better news.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2
THAT IS AWESOME!!! Both the transferring AND your getting to talk to him. He has a long road ahead of him, of course, but at this point ANY news is good news!!! Have you decided yet if you will go to see him?
I owe you a thank you, actually, sofacat. I joined this forum a couple of days ago because I wanted to post about being involved with an alcoholic. For the past 2 weeks I have been talking to an old friend of mine on the phone, and we realized that we were interested in each other and wanted to meet. We met up Wednesday, and Wednesday night he left me a message in Facebook, telling me that he was a drunk (his words), and asking if I could live with that. I logged in here, came upon your thread, and read it. It made me realize that no, I could NOT live with that. I don't want to be in the ER with him after he's wrapped his truck around a tree, or in the ICU with him after his liver's bailed on him. Last night I messaged him and TOLD him all of that. It was very hard to do, as I am very fond of him. I have you (and your telling of this story) to thank for giving me the perspective to be able to put my foot down and say NO, I like you but I don't like your drinking.
So,..........thanks a lot.
I owe you a thank you, actually, sofacat. I joined this forum a couple of days ago because I wanted to post about being involved with an alcoholic. For the past 2 weeks I have been talking to an old friend of mine on the phone, and we realized that we were interested in each other and wanted to meet. We met up Wednesday, and Wednesday night he left me a message in Facebook, telling me that he was a drunk (his words), and asking if I could live with that. I logged in here, came upon your thread, and read it. It made me realize that no, I could NOT live with that. I don't want to be in the ER with him after he's wrapped his truck around a tree, or in the ICU with him after his liver's bailed on him. Last night I messaged him and TOLD him all of that. It was very hard to do, as I am very fond of him. I have you (and your telling of this story) to thank for giving me the perspective to be able to put my foot down and say NO, I like you but I don't like your drinking.
So,..........thanks a lot.
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Hi Contemplative.
It is tough. I was in a relationship with an addict for 11 years. I usually am over in the F&F of Substance Abusers forums... but sadly find myself posting here as well.
I can say that being in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic is very tough. It really tests your limits and having the strength and courage to enforce your boundaries with them can be emotionally challenging.
For them, it's a life long battle, challenge and commitment to stay sober.
After 11 years I had to finally stand by my commitment to myself to no longer have drugs in my home and my life. He had a choice to get clean, get back in the program and work hard day by day to stay clean. He chose the pills.
It broke my heart to let him go. He is such a likable person, and was always very kind to me...unless I was standing in the way of his using...then the mind games came to play, and I found myself starting to question myself. Maybe it was me who had the problem.
We call it the old "twistaroo" game. It was emotionally draining. Not to mention the financial burdens, the legal issues, the lying, the not coming home at night stuff... you get the idea. But I know now..."let go or be dragged."
Getting involved with an active "a" is something that I will NEVER do again...even a recovering "A" is questionable to me at this point. I have the tools now, but I am not sure I would want to test myself that way...as I am a recovering Codependent, and people in need are "my drug".
Good to know my post "sobered" you up. This place is a life saver.
about my brother:
He is able to walk now, and is recovering quickly. Now I am trying to find someone from AA to visit him in his room. That is all I can do, that and pray.
Anyone know how I may go about finding this for Him? He lives in another state, and I'm not sure who I can contact.
Have a great day all.
It is tough. I was in a relationship with an addict for 11 years. I usually am over in the F&F of Substance Abusers forums... but sadly find myself posting here as well.
I can say that being in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic is very tough. It really tests your limits and having the strength and courage to enforce your boundaries with them can be emotionally challenging.
For them, it's a life long battle, challenge and commitment to stay sober.
After 11 years I had to finally stand by my commitment to myself to no longer have drugs in my home and my life. He had a choice to get clean, get back in the program and work hard day by day to stay clean. He chose the pills.
It broke my heart to let him go. He is such a likable person, and was always very kind to me...unless I was standing in the way of his using...then the mind games came to play, and I found myself starting to question myself. Maybe it was me who had the problem.
We call it the old "twistaroo" game. It was emotionally draining. Not to mention the financial burdens, the legal issues, the lying, the not coming home at night stuff... you get the idea. But I know now..."let go or be dragged."
Getting involved with an active "a" is something that I will NEVER do again...even a recovering "A" is questionable to me at this point. I have the tools now, but I am not sure I would want to test myself that way...as I am a recovering Codependent, and people in need are "my drug".
Good to know my post "sobered" you up. This place is a life saver.
about my brother:
He is able to walk now, and is recovering quickly. Now I am trying to find someone from AA to visit him in his room. That is all I can do, that and pray.
Anyone know how I may go about finding this for Him? He lives in another state, and I'm not sure who I can contact.
Have a great day all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Hey Sofacat,
So glad to hear your brother is improving.
I think you can call an Alano club? There might even be a 24 hour hotline in his town, and you could ask someone there to direct for a visit.
Beth
So glad to hear your brother is improving.
I think you can call an Alano club? There might even be a 24 hour hotline in his town, and you could ask someone there to direct for a visit.
Beth
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