Am I over analyzing?-Adult content
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Oh, Transform, that's always been my dream! To go to the US and spend some time in the desert learning from your indigenous folk. I've always felt a connection to native americans, especially the Lakota. In the area where I live, we have a lot of indigenous folk and I treasure their connection to the land, Spirit and each other...I want to meet Blackfoot! Hey, I have a book written by an Native American Shaman, Black Elk. He said it takes over 60 years to become a fully fledged Shaman! Wow....love his book....
Transform, when you're a famous author, earning millions, can I please go on your list of people to fly over! Lol...
Oh yes, and go the gut feeling! I've been learning that too.....
Transform, when you're a famous author, earning millions, can I please go on your list of people to fly over! Lol...
Oh yes, and go the gut feeling! I've been learning that too.....
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
Its a BUFFET. Only because there is only hot cakes when you go check out the warm meals, it does not mean that the cooks are not JUST about to get all the other warm delicious different bowls.
This happened to me today. I LOVE french toast. I CRAVED french toast. But there were only hot cakes and waffles. I get full of them then the next row I discover a TOWER of french toast, but I was TOO full! (Of course I ate one anyway
)
I just did what LTD mentions, as a guy is not an alkie, doesn't insult me I go for it then I discover it was NOT what I wanted in the long run.....duh!! of course he was not IT !! he was just an available waffle not a delicious french toast with honey and organic strawberry jam.
What about seeing other male friends too? a mistake I do is to isolate myself to just someone then when I have car accidents I have NO ONE that is close enough to ask favors to... buffet...its a buffet....... the thing is to know what you are after.... once you know there is less confusion!!
For instance, I do not want to be "policed". If I imagine a social situation, what would make me happy would be to be free to befriend anyone and be trusted. Someone that has enough confidence not to feel 'threatened'. Someone who understands space and the need for human interactions, that does not want to keep me as a bird in a cage but in fact PUSHES me to expand my horizons. Someone who understands women can have male FRIENDS just as I know he can have female FRIENDS. I would ENCOURAGE him to have female friends. Healthy relationships in general. Of all kinds. (In fact I do not trust a guy that DOESN'T have true female friends.)
In short once you know its french toast then its french toast, sure you can enjoy the waffle but its NOT french toast. And when you realize you deserve what you truly enjoy in your heart suddenly all the restaurants serve french toast and then it becomes a matter of choosing between spreading honey, and what kind of honey?? strawberry or peach ham?? cheese? butter? everything? now THOSE are real options for a proactive woman in charge.
I dunno maybe I have had too much therapy lol, it always end up being self worth issues.
I am glad we are in this together!!
This happened to me today. I LOVE french toast. I CRAVED french toast. But there were only hot cakes and waffles. I get full of them then the next row I discover a TOWER of french toast, but I was TOO full! (Of course I ate one anyway
)I just did what LTD mentions, as a guy is not an alkie, doesn't insult me I go for it then I discover it was NOT what I wanted in the long run.....duh!! of course he was not IT !! he was just an available waffle not a delicious french toast with honey and organic strawberry jam.
What about seeing other male friends too? a mistake I do is to isolate myself to just someone then when I have car accidents I have NO ONE that is close enough to ask favors to... buffet...its a buffet....... the thing is to know what you are after.... once you know there is less confusion!!
For instance, I do not want to be "policed". If I imagine a social situation, what would make me happy would be to be free to befriend anyone and be trusted. Someone that has enough confidence not to feel 'threatened'. Someone who understands space and the need for human interactions, that does not want to keep me as a bird in a cage but in fact PUSHES me to expand my horizons. Someone who understands women can have male FRIENDS just as I know he can have female FRIENDS. I would ENCOURAGE him to have female friends. Healthy relationships in general. Of all kinds. (In fact I do not trust a guy that DOESN'T have true female friends.)
In short once you know its french toast then its french toast, sure you can enjoy the waffle but its NOT french toast. And when you realize you deserve what you truly enjoy in your heart suddenly all the restaurants serve french toast and then it becomes a matter of choosing between spreading honey, and what kind of honey?? strawberry or peach ham?? cheese? butter? everything? now THOSE are real options for a proactive woman in charge.
I dunno maybe I have had too much therapy lol, it always end up being self worth issues.
I am glad we are in this together!!
(stupid work. Stupid bills that need paying. s'not fair...) Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Aw, Transformie, what a wonderfully honest post about where you're at.
Do I see you talking yourself out of your gut a wee, little bit? Maybe...I think I see a bit of that only cuz I do the exact same thing.
I've been in "a little something" myself relationship-wise, not unlike your situation. I'm taking steps carefully, my greatest prayer being that I keep my eyes open. But I'm trying to remember that I spent so much of my life with my eyes closed that I can't fault myself for having an extra-long "blink" here and there. I keep working the program/sponsorship/therapy/meetings and I know that all will be well.
Sounds like you're doing great, just being present to the process. You'll know. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
In the meantime enjoy the fun and the learning opportunity...and let's get that SR vacation planning going!!!
Hugs,
posie
Do I see you talking yourself out of your gut a wee, little bit? Maybe...I think I see a bit of that only cuz I do the exact same thing.
I've been in "a little something" myself relationship-wise, not unlike your situation. I'm taking steps carefully, my greatest prayer being that I keep my eyes open. But I'm trying to remember that I spent so much of my life with my eyes closed that I can't fault myself for having an extra-long "blink" here and there. I keep working the program/sponsorship/therapy/meetings and I know that all will be well.
Sounds like you're doing great, just being present to the process. You'll know. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
In the meantime enjoy the fun and the learning opportunity...and let's get that SR vacation planning going!!!
Hugs,
posie
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks Posie
Here's where my frustration lies-am I talking myself into denial, or micro-analyzing something till I find fault.
At this point I don't give a rats ass. I'm going to relax, have fun, keep my boundaries in place and see what happens.
At first glance I thought this said, "what a wonderfully HORNEY post.." Ha!
Do I see you talking yourself out of your gut a wee, little bit?
At this point I don't give a rats ass. I'm going to relax, have fun, keep my boundaries in place and see what happens.
Aw, Transformie, what a wonderfully honest post about where you're at.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I'm a man almost as old as your dude...
...and I can actually feel it when I think another man is giving too much attention to my wife or daughter (especially if he's younger and/or better looking than me). It's this compelling urge to go over and "mark territory," and I don't like the feeling at all. I admit, I'll usually go stand by my wife when I'm feeling this, but I've never actually stood between her and another man. I just get close enough that she notices me because, when she does, she always moves next to me which clearly messages our dynamic to other men (and I think she also does it to make sure I don't make some kind of jackass comment, which usually comes right after I get close). Daughter, on the other hand, get's super pissed if I even get near her when she's talking to a guy so I've learned to just stay away and observe from afar (some day I'll heal enough to observe less, or not at all).
There have been times other men were in fact out of line, once with a physical altercation between me and him, but more often than not it was me being possessive. I'd say you are seeing what you are seeing. How to interpret that is another question to which I don't have an answer at this time.
I guess what I'd say is there any indication he is self-aware or working on being self-aware? This may inform just how far you want to take the relationship. My wife says my character defects are much easier to deal with now that I'm aware of many of them. They are still with me, they just manifest less often, for a shorter period of time, and less severely because I know I have them.
Either way, your scenario is precisely why I swear that my wife is the last woman for me. If I'm ever single again, I'll remain a lifelong bachelor. It's taken wife and I eleven years to learn to live together and be happy more than miserable. I'm too old to go through this crap again.
Good luck!
Cyranoak
There have been times other men were in fact out of line, once with a physical altercation between me and him, but more often than not it was me being possessive. I'd say you are seeing what you are seeing. How to interpret that is another question to which I don't have an answer at this time.
I guess what I'd say is there any indication he is self-aware or working on being self-aware? This may inform just how far you want to take the relationship. My wife says my character defects are much easier to deal with now that I'm aware of many of them. They are still with me, they just manifest less often, for a shorter period of time, and less severely because I know I have them.
Either way, your scenario is precisely why I swear that my wife is the last woman for me. If I'm ever single again, I'll remain a lifelong bachelor. It's taken wife and I eleven years to learn to live together and be happy more than miserable. I'm too old to go through this crap again.
Good luck!
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by meditation
Some men, a few, not all are big on marking the territory. Clawing on bark, scenting on bushes....... you know. He maybe one of those "markers." You don't have to marry this guy tomorrow. Just date him. Date him for a long time before you decide to join belongings or whatnot. It's good to have some musings/thoughts on how this could develop but you don't have to make anything permanent. If you enjoy his company then enjoy it but just keep your ears and eyes open. You don't have to make any decisions long term about him now.
That is something I've managed to develop in my recovery. I used to see things as black or white, this way or that and I had to immediately act on all that. I don't, I have options, I don't have to do a thing or make a decision today and I found so many shades of gray instead of stark white and black.
That is something I've managed to develop in my recovery. I used to see things as black or white, this way or that and I had to immediately act on all that. I don't, I have options, I don't have to do a thing or make a decision today and I found so many shades of gray instead of stark white and black.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Uh-oh- I re-read what I'd written
he didn't physically insert himself between myself and my friend, just asked if I was ready to go.
Also, we talked about this last night. I asked if he was feeling jealous or possessive about me at that time and he said he just wanted to get out of there and be alone with me.
I think he was impatient rather than possessive. I mean, we've been in public many times together-the guy knows who I am and what I do. He's also very flattered that I would be seen with him in public, so he says, so whatever....
Right now we're trying to sort out how how to keep this relationship on the down low. It may be too late, but professionally there needs to remain a clear boundary. We are working on a breaking story together that hopefully will generate a media frenzy, and if folks know we're rolling around in the hay together, that would be a hit to our credibility. And that needs to be protected at all costs.
He came up and inserted himself between us, which I wouldn't have done.
Also, we talked about this last night. I asked if he was feeling jealous or possessive about me at that time and he said he just wanted to get out of there and be alone with me.
I think he was impatient rather than possessive. I mean, we've been in public many times together-the guy knows who I am and what I do. He's also very flattered that I would be seen with him in public, so he says, so whatever....
Right now we're trying to sort out how how to keep this relationship on the down low. It may be too late, but professionally there needs to remain a clear boundary. We are working on a breaking story together that hopefully will generate a media frenzy, and if folks know we're rolling around in the hay together, that would be a hit to our credibility. And that needs to be protected at all costs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
I've been out of the dating game for 30 years, so I can't really offer any solid advice. I can only offer a personal perspective.
I was fascinated by what Buffalo66 posted. Looking back, I saw some red flags while dating my current AW, but I decided to ignore them. I guess we all make mistakes when we're young, especially when dealing with the opposite sex. If I end up divorced, I doubt that I'll ever date again... but if I do, I'll probably be insufferably cautious.
I think it's normal for people to put their best foot forward while dating, and sometimes they successfully hide their flaws. I know I did, or at least tried to, when I was young and single.
Anyway, it sounds like you're handling the situation carefully, but still allowing yourself to have fun. I'd say that's a reasonably balanced, healthy attitude.
Good luck.
I was fascinated by what Buffalo66 posted. Looking back, I saw some red flags while dating my current AW, but I decided to ignore them. I guess we all make mistakes when we're young, especially when dealing with the opposite sex. If I end up divorced, I doubt that I'll ever date again... but if I do, I'll probably be insufferably cautious.
I think it's normal for people to put their best foot forward while dating, and sometimes they successfully hide their flaws. I know I did, or at least tried to, when I was young and single.
Anyway, it sounds like you're handling the situation carefully, but still allowing yourself to have fun. I'd say that's a reasonably balanced, healthy attitude.
Good luck.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Also, please remember, the other person actually FEELS GREAT too when THEY meet YOU. It's EXCITING! The other person, including people who are alcoholic, are happy and feel great from all the feel-good chemicals produced in their brain from falling in love. They may not necessarily be consciously hiding anything.
I have historically made the mistake of believing that men have done these things on purpose and then switched on me. Looking back now I believe it wasn't purposeful at all. I honestly think that most people are doing the best they can to get by in life.
I have historically made the mistake of believing that men have done these things on purpose and then switched on me. Looking back now I believe it wasn't purposeful at all. I honestly think that most people are doing the best they can to get by in life.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Ah yes, she says stroking her non-existant beard
OK, and my wheels, well, they haven't been serviced in a long time.
Sorry for the interruption, carry on.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
OK, and my wheels, well, they haven't been serviced in a long time.
my daughter gets the non existant hairs from my chin, she sees them first!
and i know i am overdue for a good rotation!
:rotfxko
he didn't physically insert himself between myself and my friend,
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