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Am I over analyzing?-Adult content I see this as one of the most powerful changes I've been able to make by working the program-seeing and heeding red flags. With confidence. But I can't be sure right now if I'm reading into a situation where there is nothing. My brain is beginning to hurt from it. I had date #2 with my guy Friday night. There was crazy build up to this, as I was one of 5 expert speakers on a panel discussion hosted by his paper. We both worked hard on it, and also had parallel conversations about our date after, working out the details of spending the night together. Which we did. He rented a gorgeous room on the 29th floor with giant windows overlooking the city. Very romantic. I know I committed myself to not "inviting him in," but made the decision to sleep with him early last week. I"m glad I did. It worked out wonderfully for both of us. The paper bought us dinner after the panel. He brought his 23 year old son with him, who clearly has been cued in on our emerging relationship. They were exchanging cute little looks. We went to after parties, engaged in political discussions, listened to the concerns and pleas of our community. More than one person told me they were thrilled to see us together, as I own and editor this communities newspaper, and his paper has been giving mad coverage to our issues. I can't stress how thrilling it is to have a friendship with someone who does what i do, works in the same industry. I respect his work. A lot. But there are also red flags. I think. He appears to be disinterested at times while I'm talking. Or uncomfortable but which is it. He does have a stutter of sorts and some basic awkward social stuff going on, which in contrast to his writing is very cute. I"m usually attracted to bad boy, dangerous types so this is a real switch for me. Or something. He's also arrogant in some ways, mainly with regard to work-journalism. Something about him seems dismissive at times. This should be no surprise because he's in his mid 50's and my experience with men this age, from this generation, is that they can be dismissive with or superior to women. Heck, anyone can. The other thing is that he appeared to be very attentive to who I was talking to at the parties, particularly when I was talking to one guy that flirts with me a great deal. Stands close. He came up and inserted himself between us, which I wouldn't have done. Possessive qualities used to mean he "cared," but today I feel differently. I don't want to discount what I'm seeing but can't be sure of what it is. I know it sounds trite. I dont' want to ignore this. Am I over analyzing? Wouldn't be the first time you know. How do I turn off my brain? I went into this knowing we might just spend one night together and that would be it, was very clear with myself what this is-from my perspective at least. It's not turning out that way We've talked plenty since yesterday morning when he dropped me off and he's all about the sex and romance and wants to see me again as soon as our schedule allows it, which is understandable. We had a great time. But my brain keeps trying to find something wrong with this. I think I"m suspicious. There are also miles of wonderful things I like about him, really. He adores, respects and caters to me in many ways. guess I'll go make a grocery list, clean the kitchen, do the laundry and get ready for the work week tomorrow. Refocus on me. Anyone have this experience? Over analyzing in a new relationship? It's really cheesing me off. :tapping |
My two cents: It could be something to keep in mind, or it could just be that the more we get to know someone, the more things we see that remind us they are human. I mean, your past posts about him really made him sound almost perfect, but we know that no one is perfect. It's completely normal to find things about people that we don't especially care for as we get to know them better. I absolutely hate possessive men and what he did would be very high on my radar. But then, that's just me. I would say to keep those possible red flag things in mind and maybe slow down a little. Maybe not so many phone calls every day, but again, that's just me. I once had a romantic interest that called me several times a day and then when we saw each other, I had nothing to say to them because we had already talked so many times. It was part of his possessiveness in that he wanted to keep tabs on me at all times. |
Yes. All of the above. I'm glad you were decisive. It's hard not to analyze but THIS is EXACTLY where you need to be. Just keep quietly observing him and examining your thought processes. Recognize fear if and when it arises. Recognize similarities in how your brain thinks in this relationship and in prior relationships. You can observe and say nothing and do nothing in response. Make it practice in inhibiting a reaction. Feel the feelings, notice what they are doing, feel them leave you, remain separate from them. As though they are moving thru you, but are not YOU. Anyway sounds hokey but that's what I'm doing. Heck normally I'd be panicking and throwing a panic tantrum or something in response to some things so just try to look at yourself and compare you now to you in last relationship. Slow your brain down some. He sounds OK so far. |
Well, we're both public figures, so possessiveness won't work in this relationship. and I'm a Leo, which means I'll hold court with whoever wants to adore me publicly, unless they cross my boundaries. I do understand insecurity at this point. We haven't committed to each other. |
ooh gosh, i was in the same boat as you too....I saw the red flags too....and glad i saw them...but slowly moved ahead with the relationship...and i am glad i did...its the experience i love and the lesson in the end...I still would not change the relationship at all....it is what it is.... just another notch under my belt :a213:...LOL, ooh gosh..but another bites the dust so to speak...LOL, still i keep going.... |
L2L that is GREAT advice! Thank you. |
Some men, a few, not all are big on marking the territory. Clawing on bark, scenting on bushes....... you know. He maybe one of those "markers." You don't have to marry this guy tomorrow. Just date him. Date him for a long time before you decide to join belongings or whatnot. It's good to have some musings/thoughts on how this could develop but you don't have to make anything permanent. If you enjoy his company then enjoy it but just keep your ears and eyes open. You don't have to make any decisions long term about him now. That is something I've managed to develop in my recovery. I used to see things as black or white, this way or that and I had to immediately act on all that. I don't, I have options, I don't have to do a thing or make a decision today and I found so many shades of gray instead of stark white and black. |
Hey Transformy, one other thing I had to remind myself this morning when I was thinking how my BF also sometimes seems disinterested when I am speaking: The world (and how this man behaves) does not revolve around me. Most of what people do day in and day out has Nothing to do with anyone but THEM. I really am not that important at such a micro level. Heck, your man might have ADHD for all anyone knows. You just don't know him well enough yet. |
"L2L that is GREAT advice!" Really? You're just being nice to me :) Thanks. |
L2L that's what I keep telling myself, but it's Astrology based. I say, "Look Your Highness, not everyone will hang on your every word every moment of every day." |
Girl I don't play. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Just keep quietly observing him and examining your thought processes. Recognize fear if and when it arises. Recognize similarities in how your brain thinks in this relationship and in prior relationships. You can observe and say nothing and do nothing in response. Make it practice in inhibiting a reaction. Feel the feelings, notice what they are doing, feel them leave you, remain separate from them. As though they are moving thru you, but are not YOU. |
Heeheehee what do u mean astrology based? Are you saying you already know this is true based on the stars? Aw heck woman YOU call the shots here. You either want this guy or you got no use for him, stars or no stars. You'll know soon enough. You have a power you are unfamiliar with. This guy's just practice. |
Girl you always make smile BIG SMILES--Thank you. |
You'll know soon enough. You have a power you are unfamiliar with. This guy's just practice. But, as you know transform I am an Aries, so, I know whereof you speak. LOL You have the power and the right to be adored. We all do. Don't forget who you are powerful warrior woman, certainly not over some relationship. pfffft. Have fun. |
Oh my! Thank you L2L! Are you saying you already know this is true based on the stars? The world (and how this man behaves) does not revolve around me. |
Guys, your love for me, kind supportive words are really overwhelming. Ordinarily I would agree, something has to be going on with me because I just feel humbled that you see me this way. :tyou |
Oh gosh now I'm confused (Leo, Aries, etc)... I'll leave that convo to you and Beth with the nonexistent beard LOL that was hilarious, I love you guys! What I meant by the power statement is that you are 100% in the drivers seat here. Think of the man as the wheels on the car. He'll let you steer but You gotta know exactly where you want the two of you to go. Meaning: Quit focusing on the small stuff, ***** up your ears, trust your gut, be sweet and smell nice, and let him do the work to get you where you want to go. Focus on the destination not the brand of tires and how much air pressure is in them, or the last time the wheels were serviced. Boring! Anyway, that's what I've been doing the last year and its working! I gotta get this book back from a friend of mine and I'll mail it to you. Ur gonna love it. I did. Haha SR starres out p-r-i-c-k for ***** up your ears |
"our ruling planet is the sun and we believe EVERYTHING revolves around us!" Well I'm a Libra so what is MY ruling planet? And if it's not the sun then what's MY excuse for believing the world revolves around ME these last 40 years? |
What I meant by the power statement is that you are 100% in the drivers seat here And stop swearing! hahahahaha..ah.. |
Read up on Libra folks-I know they like balance in all things. And I think their ruling planet is Venus. Oooh, la LA! |
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