Am I over analyzing?-Adult content
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hahahahahaha!!! I wish u lived here!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
No way! I dont wanna spend my vacation gettin my a$$ kicked.
I agree, it needs to be accessible and cheap! But we've got people all across the board and in other countries so how do we include everyone?
I agree, it needs to be accessible and cheap! But we've got people all across the board and in other countries so how do we include everyone?
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
we post a "lets have a SR party" posting and see if we can agree on a place together? Or find one centrally located cheap place and see who can show up?
How doe we get Naive over here? And Jadmack?
How doe we get Naive over here? And Jadmack?
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Well you can get some cheap flights from London to the East Coast in the winter time. Australia is always expensive to fly to or from the US. What is in the center of the US geographically speaking?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I am still with my A, but when I was thinking about and even tried to date someone new once over the years, I tried to remember something that Carolyn Myss says in one of her series.
Carolyn Myss is fantastic, by the way, but here is what she says:
" if you meet someone, and there is a moment in the early stages of the relationship where they say something, do something, you see something...and you say to yourself, ' This will not work out. This is someone that I will not be able to spend my whole life with.' Maybe it is some belief that they have, some way that they act toward you, some way that they dismiss your feelings...but in that moment when you hear that voice question whether you would be able to be happy with that person...that is the moment that your intuition is talking to you. Many lifelong unhealthy relationships and years of pain, sadness and regret could be avoided if we could only trust that small voice that says, 'probably not the person for me'...in those early stages of getting to know someone."
I am not saying that you had that intuition. I am just saying that she is probably right, and if you do hear that voice, the idea is to not be afraid that you will not meet someone else.
dealbreakers? What are they for you?
Carolyn Myss is fantastic, by the way, but here is what she says:
" if you meet someone, and there is a moment in the early stages of the relationship where they say something, do something, you see something...and you say to yourself, ' This will not work out. This is someone that I will not be able to spend my whole life with.' Maybe it is some belief that they have, some way that they act toward you, some way that they dismiss your feelings...but in that moment when you hear that voice question whether you would be able to be happy with that person...that is the moment that your intuition is talking to you. Many lifelong unhealthy relationships and years of pain, sadness and regret could be avoided if we could only trust that small voice that says, 'probably not the person for me'...in those early stages of getting to know someone."
I am not saying that you had that intuition. I am just saying that she is probably right, and if you do hear that voice, the idea is to not be afraid that you will not meet someone else.
dealbreakers? What are they for you?
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
You say "over analyzing" as if it was a bad thing. 
Seriously, though, you are paying attention and that's not a bad thing. Is he dismissive and possessive? Probably too soon to tell. Keep paying attention. What if he is dismissive and possessive? Are those dealbreakers, or just small annoyances? Probably depends on how far and to what degree they go. Keep paying attention.
The first man I dated after my separation was so many miles better than my ex, I found myself minimizing the red flags. After all--he was sooooooo much better than my ex. And I had spent so many years settling, I didn't know anything else. So, I nearly settled again, for someone who was merely "better than my ex." Then one day it dawned on me, I didn't have to settle. While nobody is perfect, I wanted someone whose behavior didn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up--not even occasionally. I'm glad I didn't settle.
Keep paying attention. Talk to him about it if you think you can. Over analyzing is way better than minimizing in my book.
L
Seriously, though, you are paying attention and that's not a bad thing. Is he dismissive and possessive? Probably too soon to tell. Keep paying attention. What if he is dismissive and possessive? Are those dealbreakers, or just small annoyances? Probably depends on how far and to what degree they go. Keep paying attention.
The first man I dated after my separation was so many miles better than my ex, I found myself minimizing the red flags. After all--he was sooooooo much better than my ex. And I had spent so many years settling, I didn't know anything else. So, I nearly settled again, for someone who was merely "better than my ex." Then one day it dawned on me, I didn't have to settle. While nobody is perfect, I wanted someone whose behavior didn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up--not even occasionally. I'm glad I didn't settle.
Keep paying attention. Talk to him about it if you think you can. Over analyzing is way better than minimizing in my book.
L
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Its a BUFFET. Only because there is only hot cakes when you go check out the warm meals, it does not mean that the cooks are not JUST about to get all the other warm delicious different bowls.
This happened to me today. I LOVE french toast. I CRAVED french toast. But there were only hot cakes and waffles. I get full of them then the next row I discover a TOWER of french toast, but I was TOO full! (Of course I ate one anyway
)
I just did what LTD mentions, as a guy is not an alkie, doesn't insult me I go for it then I discover it was NOT what I wanted in the long run.....duh!! of course he was not IT !! he was just an available waffle not a delicious french toast with honey and organic strawberry jam.
What about seeing other male friends too? a mistake I do is to isolate myself to just someone then when I have car accidents I have NO ONE that is close enough to ask favors to... buffet...its a buffet....... the thing is to know what you are after.... once you know there is less confusion!!
For instance, I do not want to be "policed". If I imagine a social situation, what would make me happy would be to be free to befriend anyone and be trusted. Someone that has enough confidence not to feel 'threatened'. Someone who understands space and the need for human interactions, that does not want to keep me as a bird in a cage but in fact PUSHES me to expand my horizons. Someone who understands women can have male FRIENDS just as I know he can have female FRIENDS. I would ENCOURAGE him to have female friends. Healthy relationships in general. Of all kinds. (In fact I do not trust a guy that DOESN'T have true female friends.)
In short once you know its french toast then its french toast, sure you can enjoy the waffle but its NOT french toast. And when you realize you deserve what you truly enjoy in your heart suddenly all the restaurants serve french toast and then it becomes a matter of choosing between spreading honey, and what kind of honey?? strawberry or peach ham?? cheese? butter? everything? now THOSE are real options for a proactive woman in charge.
I dunno maybe I have had too much therapy lol, it always end up being self worth issues.
I am glad we are in this together!!
This happened to me today. I LOVE french toast. I CRAVED french toast. But there were only hot cakes and waffles. I get full of them then the next row I discover a TOWER of french toast, but I was TOO full! (Of course I ate one anyway
)I just did what LTD mentions, as a guy is not an alkie, doesn't insult me I go for it then I discover it was NOT what I wanted in the long run.....duh!! of course he was not IT !! he was just an available waffle not a delicious french toast with honey and organic strawberry jam.
What about seeing other male friends too? a mistake I do is to isolate myself to just someone then when I have car accidents I have NO ONE that is close enough to ask favors to... buffet...its a buffet....... the thing is to know what you are after.... once you know there is less confusion!!
For instance, I do not want to be "policed". If I imagine a social situation, what would make me happy would be to be free to befriend anyone and be trusted. Someone that has enough confidence not to feel 'threatened'. Someone who understands space and the need for human interactions, that does not want to keep me as a bird in a cage but in fact PUSHES me to expand my horizons. Someone who understands women can have male FRIENDS just as I know he can have female FRIENDS. I would ENCOURAGE him to have female friends. Healthy relationships in general. Of all kinds. (In fact I do not trust a guy that DOESN'T have true female friends.)
In short once you know its french toast then its french toast, sure you can enjoy the waffle but its NOT french toast. And when you realize you deserve what you truly enjoy in your heart suddenly all the restaurants serve french toast and then it becomes a matter of choosing between spreading honey, and what kind of honey?? strawberry or peach ham?? cheese? butter? everything? now THOSE are real options for a proactive woman in charge.
I dunno maybe I have had too much therapy lol, it always end up being self worth issues.
I am glad we are in this together!!
Last edited by TakingCharge999; 11-14-2010 at 04:00 PM. Reason: bad English but perhaps I made it worse trying to "correct the grammar"
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I am the queen of overanalyzing and reading into things etc.
But when I do that, I stop and listen to my gut. The gut knows, my gut is ALWAYS right.
Have fun, enjoy the attention but go slow.
I do see a couple of red flags. Not sure you want to know them and I don't wanna burst your bubble. So I won't post them.
I will say that you seem to be a bit awestruck by him, his position and success. Don't let that blind you.
Some of the biggest jerks I dated were hugely successful, made lots of money and made me feel like an accessory or another toy. But that is me projecting and I am an Aries! Want to be the center of attention and all..
Just enjoy yourself really. And do follow your gut
But when I do that, I stop and listen to my gut. The gut knows, my gut is ALWAYS right.
Have fun, enjoy the attention but go slow.
I do see a couple of red flags. Not sure you want to know them and I don't wanna burst your bubble. So I won't post them.
I will say that you seem to be a bit awestruck by him, his position and success. Don't let that blind you.
Some of the biggest jerks I dated were hugely successful, made lots of money and made me feel like an accessory or another toy. But that is me projecting and I am an Aries! Want to be the center of attention and all..
Just enjoy yourself really. And do follow your gut
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
But that is me projecting and I am an Aries! Want to be the center of attention and all..
dammit, i dont know.
i want to feel like the center of attention at first for sure, not an accessory or achievement.
and, don't tell me you want a strong woman when you can't handle it.
pfffffft.
that is me projecting big time.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Well, to be fair, the zooming over may have been to check in with my again to see if i was ready to go. I'm always getting pulled out of a crowd by the folks i"m with, I talk too much. And he did ask me if i was ready to go when he came over. His attentive-ness to my location might also have been just watching me.
He didn't make me feel like an accessory at all. He made me feel very special and respected. Except when he tuned out sometimes while I was talking. Realistically, that's a small thing.
I dont' think I'm awe struck so much as relieved to find someone that's my equal. Thrilled. I"ve written for the New York Times Magazine Babyblue and, again, am a Leo who knows she's a star and thinks everyone else is too! It's not a bad thing, in fact it helps me feel closer to him. He has utter respect for me as well, has seen me present twice now and gives me absolute props for my work.
I probably make it sound like that though, so I can understand that.
He's so sweet to me, adores me in so many ways and yes, is a galaxie away from AH. We have conversations about local and world politics, culture. I may never forget sitting with him yesterday morning in front of that wall sized window over looking the city and talking about the different areas we could see, their history and what might become of this city, so decimated in so many ways, yet full of life. We talked about our favorite places in the world and why we love to go there.
He's a fantastic lover. He matched my enthusiasm respectfully.
I'm not looking for another husband! Ah hells no. I'm not looking for someone to spend my whole life with. People come in and out of my life, it doesn't diminish my love for the.
And I'm also very much aware that this may be the relationship we have. He may be a man that teaches me how to improve my career trajectory and loves me up. That may be the extent of our relationship, who knows?
As far as being afraid I won't meet anyone else, that's not in my thoughts at all. I'm meeting men every day that are attracted to me. There just isn't enough time for all of them!
Still, I know there's no prince charming out there for this Girl..I count on MYSELF for what's important-self esteem and self worth.
I think I'm just an obsessive person. I keep trying to figure out how to see him again. But I have SO much freaking work to do....
I think I'm loosening up about this. You guys are helping so much. I called me bestest guy friend too and he said the same thing you guys are-take your time. Keep your eyes open. And he told me he's thrilled I found someone that's more my equal instead of wasting my time with folks who are not...
He didn't make me feel like an accessory at all. He made me feel very special and respected. Except when he tuned out sometimes while I was talking. Realistically, that's a small thing.
I will say that you seem to be a bit awestruck by him, his position and success. Don't let that blind you.
I probably make it sound like that though, so I can understand that.
He's so sweet to me, adores me in so many ways and yes, is a galaxie away from AH. We have conversations about local and world politics, culture. I may never forget sitting with him yesterday morning in front of that wall sized window over looking the city and talking about the different areas we could see, their history and what might become of this city, so decimated in so many ways, yet full of life. We talked about our favorite places in the world and why we love to go there.
He's a fantastic lover. He matched my enthusiasm respectfully.
" if you meet someone, and there is a moment in the early stages of the relationship where they say something, do something, you see something...and you say to yourself, ' This will not work out. This is someone that I will not be able to spend my whole life with.'
And I'm also very much aware that this may be the relationship we have. He may be a man that teaches me how to improve my career trajectory and loves me up. That may be the extent of our relationship, who knows?
As far as being afraid I won't meet anyone else, that's not in my thoughts at all. I'm meeting men every day that are attracted to me. There just isn't enough time for all of them!
Still, I know there's no prince charming out there for this Girl..I count on MYSELF for what's important-self esteem and self worth.
I think I'm just an obsessive person. I keep trying to figure out how to see him again. But I have SO much freaking work to do....
I think I'm loosening up about this. You guys are helping so much. I called me bestest guy friend too and he said the same thing you guys are-take your time. Keep your eyes open. And he told me he's thrilled I found someone that's more my equal instead of wasting my time with folks who are not...
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Ah, astrology...one of my favourite passions! I can relate Transform and Wicked as I'm an Aries sun with a moon in Leo. Funny thing is, moon in Leo doesn't really like a lot of attention in social situations unless they're with familiar company. We're more Lioness in the home and our loyalty to those we love knows no bounds (maybe why I've stuck around in some bad relationships for so long!) except we expect loyalty and adoration in return, lol! Transform, I wish I could give you some advice about the new relationship, red flag thing! I too was/am attracted to and used to the bad boys...(familiarity). I found myself dating a 'nice man' for a while and I looked for red flags and found them. They weren't hard to find. I'm still wondering if I was looking for an excuse to escape or whether they were legitimate reasons to end things. And see, FourMaggie saw some red flags and stayed in the relationship and is glad she did for the lesson and experience. I suppose at the end of the day, I wasn't ready for a new relationship and I'm spending time healing and getting to know myself. For you, I agree with what others have said to take things slowly and not make any major decisions now. In time, you'll know...you'll feel what's right for you...When's the SR party? Maybe Jadmack and I can fly over together? Yay! And, Transform, I'd love to go to the desert and meet your elder! Or, maybe we could meet somewhere in Asia? Thailand, Vietnam, Bali? Oh, I need a holiday! X
I Love Who I Am
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Man we would have a blast! Trust me.
Glen, my Elder, is Blackfoot and lives in the middle of the Mohave Desert. She takes care of the healing springs out there. Works with a bone handle knife strapped to her waist. She's so strong, so wonderful. I miss her.
And why not go to Australia instead. I should write my damn book and fly ALL of you guys someone to meet up. Ah, dreamy..
Glen, my Elder, is Blackfoot and lives in the middle of the Mohave Desert. She takes care of the healing springs out there. Works with a bone handle knife strapped to her waist. She's so strong, so wonderful. I miss her.
And why not go to Australia instead. I should write my damn book and fly ALL of you guys someone to meet up. Ah, dreamy..
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