I am helpless

Old 11-06-2010, 03:18 PM
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Location: mid west USA
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I am helpless

My daughter is going through so much right now. She is in a homeless shelter, having been locked out of the apartment by her former partner. She has severe health problems and she finally realized a couple of months ago that she is an alcoholic (as is her former partner) She has been going to AA and trying to keep going to school where she has a scholarship. She wants to stop living and I am so afraid for her. She won't come to stay with me. She has a court date with the former partner in Dec and she is very frightened it will go badly. I am thinking of going to NY and finding a place where I can stay for a month and try to help her through this. It won't be easy financially but I have to do something. If I was there I could help her with trying to get food stamps and maybe SSI . Red Tape is so hard for her. She is on Crutches and in constant pain .
Will I be enabling her disease or helping her?
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Old 11-06-2010, 05:09 PM
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They will come to her if she is in a shelter, the food stamps and other public assistance folks I mean.
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:25 PM
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How old is your daughter? This is very little info..does she WANT you to come "help" her? Perhaps finding her own help is part of her recovery process.
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:33 PM
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There are likely case workers at the shelter who will apply for her. New York has one of the best Medicaid programs in the country so you don't need to worry about that. To apply for Medicaid all you have to do, legally, is sign your name to an application and the state is obligated to get the rest of your information.

So my answer to you is, you probably do not need to go to NY to help her with these things.
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Old 11-07-2010, 06:02 AM
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Ok I will try to flesh out the story.She is 40.She does want me, very much, to come.She has always had problems with self esteem and depression since she was gang raped as a child.She had some learning disabilities although she is very smart. Simple life tasks that involve any math or record keeping are beyond her.She has a collage degree in art but she supported herself as a stripper until she could no longer do that. She has arthritis. She needs knee replacements.She is in constant pain.She can't eat and she is down to 90 lbs. 3 years ago she got into a relationship with another woman who supported her and let her focus on her art.She has just begun to have success with that. She just had her first solo show and sold work.She does not want to leave NY since that is where she is most likely to have success in art. In August her partner found someone else and locked her out of the apartment. She is suing that person. She has a pro bono lawyer.She has known for a year that she should not drink anymore. Her body is way sensitive so that one glass of wine does what many would do to another. She started going to AA and now has some friends in AA,. When she gets upset or scared and that is pretty constant now, she wants badly to take a drink. I started going to Al anon and there I hear about detachment and enabling. It is hard for me to do that. Even if she did not have a problem with drink I would be there for her . To withhold that help now seems punishment. I could go to Al anon in NY, help her with the red tape,hold her while she cries, go to court with her.I have to find a place to stay that I can afford in Brooklyn or somewhere near her school. Ok, that's my story
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