He is here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
He is here
I come home from my errands and there he (he is sober, not hungover even, just upset) is, sitting on the couch. The only chance that we have to stay together and be healthy is if he gets treatment and maintains sober living. I asked him if he decided and he said he hadn't. He isn't ready to see or understand the pain he causes with "one pint of vodka". He is trying to make me feel guilty "why are you picking on me?", "stop putting me down." and so on. My reply was how am I picking on you, I'm just calling out your BS. I will not be made to feel guilt. I did not buy, drink, or hide vodka. UGH!!!
Thank you for letting me vent.
Thank you for letting me vent.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I've spent years inculcating my boundaries.
One of them is that I insist people phone first before just dropping in.
I understand he is doing this "anniversary" thing and completely denying and ignoring the HUGE issue of his part in destroying the relationship, and himself, and you in the process (because it is called a family disease for a damned good reason!)
Kudos for refusing to be guilted.
LOL That used to just frustrate mine to pieces! LOL so what?!
I really had to laugh to myself upon reading your title.
He is there and you are here.
I'll bet my lunch that he honestly thinks he deserves special considerations and gratitude for showing up sober on the right day!
How dare you bring up that other stuff!
I hope your day gets more peaceful and pleasant from here...
Someday you might even be able to laugh about this.
One of them is that I insist people phone first before just dropping in.
I understand he is doing this "anniversary" thing and completely denying and ignoring the HUGE issue of his part in destroying the relationship, and himself, and you in the process (because it is called a family disease for a damned good reason!)
Kudos for refusing to be guilted.
LOL That used to just frustrate mine to pieces! LOL so what?!
I really had to laugh to myself upon reading your title.
He is there and you are here.
I'll bet my lunch that he honestly thinks he deserves special considerations and gratitude for showing up sober on the right day!
How dare you bring up that other stuff!
I hope your day gets more peaceful and pleasant from here...
Someday you might even be able to laugh about this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
I'm kinda laughing right now. You're so right, ohhhh big deal you're sober and clean right now. Let's have a parade to cheer you on. Oh please! Man up, I told him and see the truth.
Thank you so much for your reply, you truly lightened my mood and gave me my first real smile all day!
Ala
Thank you so much for your reply, you truly lightened my mood and gave me my first real smile all day!
Ala
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
oops...I am sorry..I am bad with names sometimes..forget the references I made to anniversaries.
Standing your ground is ...well, depends on what you mean by it.
If it is reasoning with him...well, how can you reason with someone who is unreasonable and who insists on using denial and lying as reality management.
He is not only denying the alcohol problems..he is ignoring and denying that you broke up with him.
Most of us want to explain ourselves and our decision and we can talk our way into the ground.
It's an excercise in futility...accomplishes nothing and frustrates us to our wit's end.
The only thing I can suggest is to tell him that there is nothing more to talk about, you do not want a relationship any longer and ask him to please leave.
It's tough.
But the alternative is spinning in circles, becoming confused, digressing, and this going on and on and on and on.
I KNOW you don't want to spend your day like this.
Something we say around here:
Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Just don't say it meanly.
That is the path to integrity, in my opinion.
Standing your ground is ...well, depends on what you mean by it.
If it is reasoning with him...well, how can you reason with someone who is unreasonable and who insists on using denial and lying as reality management.
He is not only denying the alcohol problems..he is ignoring and denying that you broke up with him.
Most of us want to explain ourselves and our decision and we can talk our way into the ground.
It's an excercise in futility...accomplishes nothing and frustrates us to our wit's end.
The only thing I can suggest is to tell him that there is nothing more to talk about, you do not want a relationship any longer and ask him to please leave.
It's tough.
But the alternative is spinning in circles, becoming confused, digressing, and this going on and on and on and on.
I KNOW you don't want to spend your day like this.
Something we say around here:
Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Just don't say it meanly.
That is the path to integrity, in my opinion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
You are right, I don't want to spend my day like this. I will move forward and I will be okay in time. God willing, he will be able to see the truth. I can't force that. *sigh* I'm going to treat myself to a nap. I deserve/want a nice/happy dream.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
oh, hey...if you want to poke fun..we are pretty darned good at that around here!
A sense of humor is a saving grace!
I thought the parade and man up comments were pretty funny myself.
You're supposed to love me..why you talking to me that way??
he doesn't like being cut off by you any more than he like being cutoff from the bottle.
Do you get a picture of a mommy bottle feeding a King Baby?
A sense of humor is a saving grace!
I thought the parade and man up comments were pretty funny myself.
You're supposed to love me..why you talking to me that way??
he doesn't like being cut off by you any more than he like being cutoff from the bottle.
Do you get a picture of a mommy bottle feeding a King Baby?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
oooo..how about looking up some cruise lines and last minute departure deals from your area?
Dreaming of rocking on the ocean, with buffets of food, exotic ports of call, formal gowns for the captain's dinner, snorkeling amongst brightly colored fishes and chasing them, a spa with massage, dancing under the stars....ooo I can daydream
And with a little savings I can really do those things.
AND I have done them single.
Lots of fun flirting to be had too!
Dreaming of rocking on the ocean, with buffets of food, exotic ports of call, formal gowns for the captain's dinner, snorkeling amongst brightly colored fishes and chasing them, a spa with massage, dancing under the stars....ooo I can daydream
And with a little savings I can really do those things.
AND I have done them single.
Lots of fun flirting to be had too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
Lol. He didn't think it was funny when I told him to man up. Oh well, I did. A trip to Walt Disney World would be heavenly right about now. So would New Zealand but I don't have that kind of cash. Right now, I'll just enjoy my books and my quiet time. I'm feeling very blessed to have stumbled on SR.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am a reading addict!!!
I have always had my nose in a book!
Wow. You prompted me to think of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios!
One of the best fun times I have had.
Some day I am going to go again.
We have a book club down a little further in the list of forums...just in case you are interested.
I was given a kindle as a gift and I didn't think I would like it.
Holy cow, I couldn't have been more wrong!
It's also going to save me alot of money because I have been downloading free stuff onto it.
(might get a better education reading some classics too)
Welcome to SR!!!
You are a valuable addition to the team effort!
I have always had my nose in a book!
Wow. You prompted me to think of Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios!
One of the best fun times I have had.
Some day I am going to go again.
We have a book club down a little further in the list of forums...just in case you are interested.
I was given a kindle as a gift and I didn't think I would like it.
Holy cow, I couldn't have been more wrong!
It's also going to save me alot of money because I have been downloading free stuff onto it.
(might get a better education reading some classics too)
Welcome to SR!!!
You are a valuable addition to the team effort!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: CT
Posts: 42
I love to read, it lifts me up. When I was younger, my mom would take my books away when I was in punishment. Lol, I would sneak them under the covers with a flashlight at night. Hi, my name is Ala and I'm a book addict. I was thinking about a kindle but I love the feel of paper, odd I know. But there is something about a way a new book smells that I love. Not a bad vice to have.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I like the feel of the pages, the weight of the book, the smell too!
I am not giving up books, uh-uh.
But there is something to be said for instant gratification, not having to go to the store, maybe find what I want or not...just that anytime, anywhere and almost having any one I think up that I want and having several and it keeps my pages...AND has the neatest dictionary feature.
So I LOVE both!
Taking away books as punishment is cruel and unusual punishment! LOL
But now that I am grown up I can read at the dinner table if I want to! Yeah.
I am not giving up books, uh-uh.
But there is something to be said for instant gratification, not having to go to the store, maybe find what I want or not...just that anytime, anywhere and almost having any one I think up that I want and having several and it keeps my pages...AND has the neatest dictionary feature.
So I LOVE both!
Taking away books as punishment is cruel and unusual punishment! LOL
But now that I am grown up I can read at the dinner table if I want to! Yeah.
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