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F/U to previous post. My sisters lawyer just called me.

Old 10-14-2010, 12:10 PM
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F/U to previous post. My sisters lawyer just called me.

He is now suggesting that she does stay in rehab longer or go into a sober living facility. I asked him about his comment that it would hurt her chances of seeing her kids in the long run and he said that it will hurt her more if she comes out and starts using again and he suspects that there is a good chance of that since none of the circumstances have changed that led her to use.

I would be so happy if she stayed in rehab or a sober living place and not have her come to live in my home. I'm terrified of her living with me right now.

She might not listen to him, but at least I feel like I have some support now.

Please tell me that at some point all of this gets easier. I'm a therapist and I have to deal with such raw emotions at work everyday and now that I'm dealing with this in my home life I'm just drowning.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:13 PM
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The most loving thing you could do is refuse to let your sister move in with you.

IME it only gets easier when it is no longer your problem. The trick is realizing that it was never your problem.

Al anon!

I didn't mean this to sound so cold. It took me years and years. I still struggle with it. I'm sorry you are in such a painful place right now with someone that you love very much.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:14 PM
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((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Your feelings tell me that your boundaries have all ready been crossed.

Peace and serenity at home are what I need at home and these days I make sure that is how I live and what I get.

You can totally back out of this situation and leave it all in her hands and she can deal with her attorney and her life directly.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:17 PM
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Could you perhaps...get in touch with the people at her rehab and discuss options with them? Perhaps they can direct your sister to a good sober-living facility. Once the resource is in place for her, you can announce that you will not be allowing her to live with you "for the good of everyone involved". She wouldn't be on the street AND she'd be in an environment that would be supportive of her recovery all the while furthering her chances of obtaining visitation with her children.

Of course, she could tell you to f*** off and do whatever she wants, but perhaps having her kids hang in the balance would sway her enough.

Methinks that this is a perfect time for you to establish and enforce your boundaries.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:23 PM
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Whether you know it or believe it yet, you didn't just get a phone call from your sister's lawyer, you also received a very powerful message from your Higher Power.

When we admit powerlessness, things work out in ways we could not make them work out ourselves.

This is how it works when we let go of trying to do everything for everyone.
Take care of you.
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Zappy View Post
She might not listen to him, but at least I feel like I have some support now.

Please tell me that at some point all of this gets easier.
Zappy, It definitely will get easier - but don't expect it to happen soon. I haven't followed every post in the threads about this situation, but if you haven't come to this conclusion already, you need to pull your offer to house her (if you need an excuse say it's based on the lawyers advice, for her own good). Your sister is very lucky to have you, but you need to understand that attempts to save her will only lead to the exact opposite occurring.

She is capable of doing this on her own, and that's a good thing - because nobody else can do it for her.

My heart goes out to you both. This is not easy, but nothing truly worthwhile ever is.

Edd
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:55 PM
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Well, it's a small relief, isn't it?

It's such a hard situation.. but maybe with the backing of the lawyer's recommendation, you can establish some boundaries about why you will NOT let her move in with you, considering she should be doing everything she can for her recovery, and her children.

Hang in there.
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:32 PM
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Originally Posted by seekingcalm View Post
Whether you know it or believe it yet, you didn't just get a phone call from your sister's lawyer, you also received a very powerful message from your Higher Power.

When we admit powerlessness, things work out in ways we could not make them work out ourselves.

This is how it works when we let go of trying to do everything for everyone.
Take care of you.
This is it Zappy.
This is how it gets easier. It is out of your hands.
Let go and you will be on solid ground again.

Beth
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Old 10-14-2010, 03:53 PM
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why's the lawyer even phoning you in the first place????

It's her business to handle.
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