O/T feel like giving up need to let go
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you Live!
Look at this:
See that? That's the beginning of my memoir. I forgot how much I love this thing.
I think SR has helped me heal to the point where I can finish my proposal. I do feel strong, even when weak. I've needed to write this for so long. It'll help other folks and it'll give me some freaking money.
I know my worth, my power and it lies in those words. In my story.
I can't thank you guys enough.
Look at this:
I am bleeding so much I must be dying. But no. It’s my unborn baby who is dying. My hope of having a daughter that is dying. I’m just having a miscarriage. We drive to the hospital.
When we arrive, I don’t want to get out of the car. I’m crying and holding a towel between my legs. There’s so much blood. Brian brings me a wheelchair but I hide my face in the bright lights. You have to go in he tells me and helps me into the chair. My teeth chatter and my thighs shake. Brian tells the lady at the counter that I’m pregnant and bleeding. They put us in a room, take my clothes and make me lie on a bed. Everything is the same gray color. The walls, the floor, the doors.
When we arrive, I don’t want to get out of the car. I’m crying and holding a towel between my legs. There’s so much blood. Brian brings me a wheelchair but I hide my face in the bright lights. You have to go in he tells me and helps me into the chair. My teeth chatter and my thighs shake. Brian tells the lady at the counter that I’m pregnant and bleeding. They put us in a room, take my clothes and make me lie on a bed. Everything is the same gray color. The walls, the floor, the doors.
I think SR has helped me heal to the point where I can finish my proposal. I do feel strong, even when weak. I've needed to write this for so long. It'll help other folks and it'll give me some freaking money.
I know my worth, my power and it lies in those words. In my story.
I can't thank you guys enough.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Dear transformie, with the permission of your soul and HP, and with my best intention, I read my Zen cards asking about you and this particular rejection issue. Here is what I got.
Card Position Meaning
First Center The issue
Second Left Internal influence that you are unable to see
Third Right External influence of which you are aware
Fourth Bottom What is needed for resolution
Fifth Top Resolution: The understanding
Card Position Meaning
First Center The issue
Second Left Internal influence that you are unable to see
Third Right External influence of which you are aware
Fourth Bottom What is needed for resolution
Fifth Top Resolution: The understanding
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
First Center The issue
CARD: BEYOND ILLUSION
This is the only distinction between the dream and the real: reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt....
To me, the capacity to doubt is one of the greatest blessings to humanity. The religions have been enemies because they have been cutting the very roots of doubt, and there is a reason why they have been doing that: because they want people to believe in certain illusions that they have been preaching....
Why have the people like Gautam Buddha been so insistent that the whole existence - except your witnessing self, except your awareness - is just ephemeral, made of the same stuff as dreams are made of? They are not saying that these trees are not there. They are not saying that these pillars are not there. Don't misunderstand because of the word "illusion".... It has been translated as illusion, but illusion is not the right word.
Illusion does not exist. Reality exists. Maya is just in between - it almost exists. As far as day-to-day activities are concerned, it can be taken as reality. Only in the ultimate sense, from the peak of your illumination, does it become unreal, illusory.
Osho The Great Zen Master Ta Hui Chapter 12
Commentary:
The butterfly in this card represents the outer, that which is constantly moving and that which is not real but an illusion. Behind the butterfly is the face of consciousness, looking inward to that which is eternal. The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgments - this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgments keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns.
Drop your opinionated mind and move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Second Left Internal influence that you are unable to see
CARD: TRANSFORMATION
A master in Zen is not simply a teacher. In all the religions there are only teachers. They teach you about subjects which you don't know, and they ask you to believe because there is no way to bring those experiences into objective reality. Neither has the teacher known them - he has believed them; he transfers his belief to somebody else.
Zen is not a believer's world. It is not for the faithful ones; it is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind, and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries. But it brings a tremendous transformation.
Hence, let me say that while others are involved in philosophies, Zen is involved in metamorphosis, in a transformation. It is authentic alchemy: it changes you from base metal into gold. But its language has to be understood, not with your reasoning and intellectual mind but with your loving heart. Or even just listening, not bothering whether it is true or not. And a moment comes suddenly that you see it, which has been eluding you your whole life. Suddenly, what Gautam Buddha called "eighty-four thousand doors" open.
Osho Zen: The Solitary Bird, Cuckoo of the Forest Chapter 6
Commentary:
The central figure in this card sits atop the vast flower of the void, and holds the symbols of transformation - the sword that cuts through illusion, the snake that rejuvenates itself by shedding its skin, the broken chain of limitations, and the yin/yang symbol of transcending duality. One of its hands rests on its lap, open and receptive. The other reaches down to touch the mouth of a sleeping face, symbolizing the silence that comes when we are at rest.
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity." It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
CARD: TRANSFORMATION
A master in Zen is not simply a teacher. In all the religions there are only teachers. They teach you about subjects which you don't know, and they ask you to believe because there is no way to bring those experiences into objective reality. Neither has the teacher known them - he has believed them; he transfers his belief to somebody else.
Zen is not a believer's world. It is not for the faithful ones; it is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind, and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries. But it brings a tremendous transformation.
Hence, let me say that while others are involved in philosophies, Zen is involved in metamorphosis, in a transformation. It is authentic alchemy: it changes you from base metal into gold. But its language has to be understood, not with your reasoning and intellectual mind but with your loving heart. Or even just listening, not bothering whether it is true or not. And a moment comes suddenly that you see it, which has been eluding you your whole life. Suddenly, what Gautam Buddha called "eighty-four thousand doors" open.
Osho Zen: The Solitary Bird, Cuckoo of the Forest Chapter 6
Commentary:
The central figure in this card sits atop the vast flower of the void, and holds the symbols of transformation - the sword that cuts through illusion, the snake that rejuvenates itself by shedding its skin, the broken chain of limitations, and the yin/yang symbol of transcending duality. One of its hands rests on its lap, open and receptive. The other reaches down to touch the mouth of a sleeping face, symbolizing the silence that comes when we are at rest.
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow, or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity." It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And, like death, it takes you from one dimension into another.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Third Right External influence of which you are aware
CARD: BREAKTHROUGH
To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas.
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed. Your chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Zen, or meditation, is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Osho Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen Chapter 1
Commentary:
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination.
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
CARD: BREAKTHROUGH
To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas.
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed. Your chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives you have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when you enter into it with your small capacity, of course there is danger. But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Zen, or meditation, is the method which will help you to go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, disciplined, alert. The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Osho Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen Chapter 1
Commentary:
The predominance of red in this card indicates at a glance that its subject is energy, power and strength. The brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus, or center of power on the figure, and the posture is one of exuberance and determination.
All of us occasionally reach a point when "enough is enough." At such times it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.
If you are now feeling that "enough is enough," allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing. In doing so you will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to your life.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Fourth Bottom What is needed for resolution
CARD: EXISTENCE
You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth - everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you.
This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth Chapter 1
Commentary:
This naked figure sits on the lotus leaf of perfection, gazing at the beauty of the night sky. She knows that "home" is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance. The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all are our brothers and sisters in this dance of life. We human beings tend to forget this, as we pursue our own private agendas and believe we must fight to get what we need. But ultimately, our sense of separateness is just an illusion, manufactured by the narrow preoccupations of the mind.
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at "home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
CARD: EXISTENCE
You are not accidental. Existence needs you. Without you something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That's what gives you dignity, that the whole existence will miss you. The stars and sun and moon, the trees and birds and earth - everything in the universe will feel a small place is vacant which cannot be filled by anybody except you.
This gives you a tremendous joy, a fulfillment that you are related to existence, and existence cares for you. Once you are clean and clear, you can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
Osho God is Dead: Now Zen is the Only Living Truth Chapter 1
Commentary:
This naked figure sits on the lotus leaf of perfection, gazing at the beauty of the night sky. She knows that "home" is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance. The stars, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds - all are our brothers and sisters in this dance of life. We human beings tend to forget this, as we pursue our own private agendas and believe we must fight to get what we need. But ultimately, our sense of separateness is just an illusion, manufactured by the narrow preoccupations of the mind.
Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling "at "home" wherever you are. If you are, be sure to take time to savor it so it can deepen and remain with you. If on the other hand you've been feeling like the world is out to get you, it's time to take a break. Go outside tonight and look at the stars.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Fifth Top Resolution: The understanding
CARD: SILENCE
The energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, you are no more, the whole is.
This moment, as the silence penetrates in you, you can understand the significance of it, because it is the same silence that Gautam Buddha experienced. It is the same silence that Chuang Tzu or Bodhidharma or Nansen.... The taste of the silence is the same.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing you can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that you can call your very being.
Osho Zen: The Diamond Thunderbolt Chapter 1
Commentary:
The silent, mirrorlike receptiveness of a star-filled night with a full moon is reflected in the misty lake below. The face in the sky is deep in meditation, a goddess of the night who brings depth, peace and understanding.
Now is a very precious time. It will be easy for you to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do.
It might make some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; seek out those who can resonate with your silence - or enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.
CARD: SILENCE
The energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, you are no more, the whole is.
This moment, as the silence penetrates in you, you can understand the significance of it, because it is the same silence that Gautam Buddha experienced. It is the same silence that Chuang Tzu or Bodhidharma or Nansen.... The taste of the silence is the same.
Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing you can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that you can call your very being.
Osho Zen: The Diamond Thunderbolt Chapter 1
Commentary:
The silent, mirrorlike receptiveness of a star-filled night with a full moon is reflected in the misty lake below. The face in the sky is deep in meditation, a goddess of the night who brings depth, peace and understanding.
Now is a very precious time. It will be easy for you to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do.
It might make some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; seek out those who can resonate with your silence - or enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
TC Thank you, this is beautiful~ I have to wake up the kids and get them out the door but will come back and study this. I love the transformation aspect Read true to me right away. Thank you!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Oops, i put the wrong image for Silence!! This is the one:
Welcome transformie, those messages are beautiful and they also helped me tonight !!
I love the image "existence" and guess who is going to start drawing it in a HUGE canvas this weekend??
I did not sleep due to work, and I also took a time to see the stars and the colors of a day that's just beginning. Aw, so many beautiful things to enjoy in this life.
Welcome transformie, those messages are beautiful and they also helped me tonight !!
I love the image "existence" and guess who is going to start drawing it in a HUGE canvas this weekend??
I did not sleep due to work, and I also took a time to see the stars and the colors of a day that's just beginning. Aw, so many beautiful things to enjoy in this life.
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