He is in default
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
He is in default
Hello SR family,
I heard from my lawyer that my stbxah never responded to the divorce settlement papers and she has filed the approporiate paperwork with the courts for a court date.
In a way this surprises me since I am asking for everything I am entitled too and it will cost him much. Plus with the girlfriend in his life you would think he couldnt wait to get divorced. I remember how he told me how I was so terrible to him. I remember when I was at my lowest he was telling me he was going to file for divorce. At the time I did not want that. That was before I found out all the lies and about his secret life. He filed of course. He made his bed, now he can lay in it...
He can still file an extension at the 11th hour so I am not too excited. He has a job and money so not sure why he cant get a lawyer who isnt a drunk.
If you remember a while back I posted how he and his drunk lawyer called my lawyer from happy hour. Lovely. His lawyer never responded after that and neither did my stbxah.
So depending on how quickly I can get a court date, this may happen very soon. And I am ready for it. No emotions anymore.
Cheers,
Lulu
I heard from my lawyer that my stbxah never responded to the divorce settlement papers and she has filed the approporiate paperwork with the courts for a court date.
In a way this surprises me since I am asking for everything I am entitled too and it will cost him much. Plus with the girlfriend in his life you would think he couldnt wait to get divorced. I remember how he told me how I was so terrible to him. I remember when I was at my lowest he was telling me he was going to file for divorce. At the time I did not want that. That was before I found out all the lies and about his secret life. He filed of course. He made his bed, now he can lay in it...
He can still file an extension at the 11th hour so I am not too excited. He has a job and money so not sure why he cant get a lawyer who isnt a drunk.
If you remember a while back I posted how he and his drunk lawyer called my lawyer from happy hour. Lovely. His lawyer never responded after that and neither did my stbxah.
So depending on how quickly I can get a court date, this may happen very soon. And I am ready for it. No emotions anymore.
Cheers,
Lulu
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Let's hope him and his lawyer continue to get so blotto that they forget the delay of appeal, and you get everything by default, like I did. 
If not, you're in a good place to go through the divorce proceedings. You really have come a long way lulu!
If not, you're in a good place to go through the divorce proceedings. You really have come a long way lulu!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Good to hear you are ready for what comes next. No one can know for sure, of course, but just going with the flow is a great place to be.
I've been tossed up and down in recent weeks concerning my housing issues and my great hopes for having a place of my own. It is soooo hard for me not to get my hopes up at times or to not be totally torn apart when I hit an obstacle and get redirected.
Acceptance is key and letting go of the outcome is priceless. I applaud you!
All that said.....fingers crossed he is burying his head in the sand in the hopes you'll just go away leaving you and your capable attorney to proceed unhindered!!!
Alice
I've been tossed up and down in recent weeks concerning my housing issues and my great hopes for having a place of my own. It is soooo hard for me not to get my hopes up at times or to not be totally torn apart when I hit an obstacle and get redirected.
Acceptance is key and letting go of the outcome is priceless. I applaud you!
All that said.....fingers crossed he is burying his head in the sand in the hopes you'll just go away leaving you and your capable attorney to proceed unhindered!!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
He can still file an extension at the 11th hour so I am not too excited. He has a job and money so not sure why he cant get a lawyer who isnt a drunk.
so, what does he do? he doesn't pay it! he's scheduled to be evicted next week.
just makes no sense whatsoever. i think there is some chance that your husband won't do anything either.
i think perhaps if they are actively drinking, they just can't be bothered at all with things in the future. it's all about right now. and then when they come to, with their hangover, they are too ill to deal with anything other than going to have a "curer" or the hair of the hound and it all starts over again.
and before you know it, they will have missed the eleventh hour!
that's what i've witnessed with mine anyway.
naive
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Hi Lulu,
It is good to hear from you. You sound good as well! I know when I was in marriage counseling and AH stormed out/threatening D, the therapist kept telling me that for all the energy in his anger - that he would not ever file and to be prepared to do it myself. So far, that is ringing true.
I hope all goes well for you and that you get everything that is yours. You have been there for him through thick and thin and he has not - moving forward has been good for you.
It is good to hear from you. You sound good as well! I know when I was in marriage counseling and AH stormed out/threatening D, the therapist kept telling me that for all the energy in his anger - that he would not ever file and to be prepared to do it myself. So far, that is ringing true.
I hope all goes well for you and that you get everything that is yours. You have been there for him through thick and thin and he has not - moving forward has been good for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I have learned a lot about quacking in this process and thank goodness I learned how to translate it on here. I feel more at peace these days. Since my last meltdown last month I have grown. I used to read posts on here and I felt the serenity others felt after they went no contact but I didnt feel that way. Until now.
I should mention no contact (after 4 months) was slightly broken a few weeks ago. He emailed me a question and I replied nicely. Then a few days later he forwarded a job ad he though I would be interested in. I said thanks and then he told me he lost his side job and was looking for another one because he needed the income. I wished him luck. But it was a realization for me. Nothing has changed on his side. I didnt miss out on anything. I didnt lose anything worthwhile. Nothing has changed. He had it good with me and then he tortured me. I really do wish him luck and love but have no feelings left for him at all. Slowly I am coming back. But boy did I pay a price!
I can see clearly now th rain is gone..I can see all obstacles in my way..Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind..Johnny Nash
Cheers
Lulu
I should mention no contact (after 4 months) was slightly broken a few weeks ago. He emailed me a question and I replied nicely. Then a few days later he forwarded a job ad he though I would be interested in. I said thanks and then he told me he lost his side job and was looking for another one because he needed the income. I wished him luck. But it was a realization for me. Nothing has changed on his side. I didnt miss out on anything. I didnt lose anything worthwhile. Nothing has changed. He had it good with me and then he tortured me. I really do wish him luck and love but have no feelings left for him at all. Slowly I am coming back. But boy did I pay a price!
I can see clearly now th rain is gone..I can see all obstacles in my way..Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind..Johnny Nash
Cheers
Lulu
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I got all tingly reading your post, cause what a different LuLu you are now. And you are right to wonder if he will do anything about the divorce.....let's face it, he did SFA about saving his marriage, and getting a drinking lawyer to "act" for him was not the smartest idea he ever had. It is still painful to watch any person make such a total balls up of their life, let alone someone we have loved greatly, but we can't help them.
The chasm between you widens day by day, as he digs himself deeper into the black hole of addiction and you climb out of yours.....back into the sunshine of living.
Love that song, and the words make me feel able to move mountains.
This is for you Dear LuLu.
The chasm between you widens day by day, as he digs himself deeper into the black hole of addiction and you climb out of yours.....back into the sunshine of living.
Love that song, and the words make me feel able to move mountains.
This is for you Dear LuLu.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
I got all tingly reading your post, cause what a different LuLu you are now. And you are right to wonder if he will do anything about the divorce.....let's face it, he did SFA about saving his marriage, and getting a drinking lawyer to "act" for him was not the smartest idea he ever had. It is still painful to watch any person make such a total balls up of their life, let alone someone we have loved greatly, but we can't help them.
The chasm between you widens day by day, as he digs himself deeper into the black hole of addiction and you climb out of yours.....back into the sunshine of living.
Love that song, and the words make me feel able to move mountains.
This is for you Dear LuLu.
The chasm between you widens day by day, as he digs himself deeper into the black hole of addiction and you climb out of yours.....back into the sunshine of living.
Love that song, and the words make me feel able to move mountains.
This is for you Dear LuLu.
Gob bless you too sweet Jadmack!
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Yup, "just makes no sense whatsoever" is precisely what it is. They become "Little Gods"
Financial problems are quite the norm because since when does God have to pay rent????
Financial problems are quite the norm because since when does God have to pay rent????
Originally Posted by naive
i don't know how many times i've tried to puzzle out alcoholic thinking...i watched my xABF sit and do nothing to stop his eviction. the housing association took him to court and it was agreed he could pay £5 a week to clear his debt and keep the house. i thought this was more than fair.
so, what does he do? he doesn't pay it! he's scheduled to be evicted next week.
just makes no sense whatsoever. i think there is some chance that your husband won't do anything either.
i think perhaps if they are actively drinking, they just can't be bothered at all with things in the future. it's all about right now. and then when they come to, with their hangover, they are too ill to deal with anything other than going to have a "curer" or the hair of the hound and it all starts over again.
and before you know it, they will have missed the eleventh hour!
that's what i've witnessed with mine anyway.
naive
so, what does he do? he doesn't pay it! he's scheduled to be evicted next week.
just makes no sense whatsoever. i think there is some chance that your husband won't do anything either.
i think perhaps if they are actively drinking, they just can't be bothered at all with things in the future. it's all about right now. and then when they come to, with their hangover, they are too ill to deal with anything other than going to have a "curer" or the hair of the hound and it all starts over again.
and before you know it, they will have missed the eleventh hour!
that's what i've witnessed with mine anyway.
naive
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by lulu1974
He had it good with me ...
YouTube - Johnny Nash - I Can See Clearly Now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Well I got my lawyer bill today. The feelings of hate I have for him at this moment are pretty extreme. I know in the long run it will be money well spent but right now I have fire in my eyes and good thing he isnt crossing in front of my car today or anytime soon. Enough said. UGH. Why in the world did I marry him. I better get the money he owes me in my settlement. Praying for a nice judge
I just had to share.
I just had to share.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
SW you are alive and without a toxic person in your life. You didn't lose the love and care many people have for you. You are gaining wisdom, endurance, strength. In the future being the hard worker that you are, you will be able to get nicer things that are brand new, suited to your tastes only, and they will be safe. And you'll LOVE them because they will remind you of the new you.
lulu i "hear" a new voice in this thread...that makes me very happy. Drunk lawyer? how sad. Yesterday some drunks were playing Karaoke and went for hours and hours, yelling, "singing"... It was pathetic and I was so grateful I was at home playing Lounge music and not sitting along with them, hating where I was, not having anything in common with the "friends" and worse, imagining a future is even possible with one of said drunks. Then be driven home by a drunk driver to quarrell and be abused then be lied to, hearing "it was the LAST time i SWEAR!!"
Never, ever again. Ahh..
lulu i "hear" a new voice in this thread...that makes me very happy. Drunk lawyer? how sad. Yesterday some drunks were playing Karaoke and went for hours and hours, yelling, "singing"... It was pathetic and I was so grateful I was at home playing Lounge music and not sitting along with them, hating where I was, not having anything in common with the "friends" and worse, imagining a future is even possible with one of said drunks. Then be driven home by a drunk driver to quarrell and be abused then be lied to, hearing "it was the LAST time i SWEAR!!"
Never, ever again. Ahh..
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
You are right of course TC, but it's hard when I think about losing all my daughters baby pictures, all my tools, all my family things - furniture, pictures, records.
I keep thinking back, to see if I could have done it differently. But I can't think of a way, not and get us out of there safely.
I keep thinking back, to see if I could have done it differently. But I can't think of a way, not and get us out of there safely.
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