transformyself

Just found out some news that makes me furious. I've been blackballed, "dis-invited" from a Senate Work Group because the chairman hates me. Why? because he hates my business partner? Because I"m a woman? Because I'm a relatively new to local (state-wide) activism and people respect me and he's jealous? Who THE **** KNOWS! He's an alcoholic, I"ve seen him drinking at meetings out of his little flask and he's been drunk on the phone with me in the middle of day.

This is so hard to not take personally.

I know this is politics, but I'm not a politician. The first thing I did was doubt my worth. Then after assessing, I determined I'm more than worthy to sit on this task force. I was invited! I have more skills and experience than any of the other "advocates" on the list.

This man is an idiot. He's shooting himself, and the movement, in the foot. I'm furious. Then I thought screw this. I'll let them go under and just write my book.

So today I'm hurt, angry and frustrated. I've been learning to let go of things faster than ever but I feel betrayed

I don't know which is worse: being marginalized and feeling unworthy, or being marginalized, recognizing it's on THEM and you really are fantastic, but still being marginalized.

transformyself

OH my God, do I sound like a martyr? I don't mean that. ****. I'm just trying to work this out. Grrrrrrr...

Still Waters

"Don't let your self worth or emotional well being rely on the actions or opinions of a drunk."

It's unfortunate that he's in a position to make decisions like that transform. I'm sorry

LexieCat

Sorry, transform,

This kinda sh*t happens to men, too. Personality conflicts, petty jealousies/disagreements, yada yada. It's what turns me off about ANY kind of politics--from office politics to the real thing.

It doesn't have to make sense, and it usually doesn't.

Keep doing the Next Right Thing, and don't let the bullies keep you down.

transformyself

Lexie, do you mean to say men or me?
And thanks everyone. I'm working on letting go.

Jadmack25

Don't doubt yourself because of his action, rather take it as a complement to your ability.....I figure he fears you and your ability so much, maybe afraid you will end up as Chair of committees in the future.....while he ends up as barfly.

As you can't actually do this in reality right now, maybe you could imagine it with this Chairmoron as the cat.

transformyself

JADMACK that picture made me laugh so hard. It's adorable, just like you. Thank you.

LexieCat

I meant men. Of course, it happens to "me", too.

It can happen to anyone in that kind of millieu, IMO. At least, to those who choose to try to accomplish things by hard work and good sense rather than by sucking up to the right people and doing dirt to the "wrong" people.

Dallying402

I don't know which is worse: being marginalized and feeling unworthy, or being marginalized, recognizing it's on THEM and you really are fantastic, but still being marginalized.

You are fantastic! and it seems alcoholics have a tendency to marginalize ppl in general when they are drunk... in my case at least.

bookwyrm

Politics. Yuck. Its the work group's loss....

Learn2Live

I really dislike being rejected. I think it hurts to be rejected. One time, I was getting to know this guy, and I told him about two or three weeks in (we were hanging out as much as possible at this point) that I was not sure if I wanted to sleep with him. The next day, he broke off our friendship, said he was too busy, didn't have time in his life. I started crying. I wound up STUCK in a two-year relationship with the most neurotic, selfish person I had ever met!!! I could not let this man go. How does a girl like me gets herself sleeping with a man she really was not attracted to in the first place? Easily hurt and easily manipulated.

The moral of this story, for me anyway, is when someone else rejects you, inhibit your immediate emotional response, KNOW how very strong and special you are, and let them go.

transformyself

L2L I can feel myself changing this aspect of myself. It's so freaking intense.

It means sitting through being uncomfortable. Being honest with myself without running to the next thing that makes me feel better.

I acknowledge that this rejection hurts, but Jesus! I've been rejected by rejects long enough.

I'm not messing around anymore. Look at me! Do I look like I"m kidding? (Turns face to show profile with stoic expression....)

naive

a wise man once told me:

if you don't make three enemies a day, then you're not speaking the Truth.

naive

laurie6781

Naive is so correct. I cannot tell you how many times I have pizzed off someone or been rejected or blackballed.

All of those incidents just made me stronger ........................... and, of course, I continued and continue to speak the truth, which some folks do not want to hear.

You have grown SO MUCH since joining SR. Please do not have any doubts about your own self worth, you are one dynomite woman!!!!! Who is moving forward and succeeding!!!!!!

When something like this happens, come here, and go check out some of your 'early' posts .............................. that will show you just how far you have come to date and will certainly reinforce your self worth.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Pelican

" I love and accept myself exactly as I am"

positive affirmation by Louise Hay in "You Can Heal Your Life"

Rx: Take daily, repeat at least 1000 times today and everyday as needed

JenT1968

I think you are fab transform; passionate, caring, empathic, challenging, fearless - all great qualities for an advocate.

I can see that you are using this thread to work through your reaction, and based on your past threads, I'm sure that you will process this all with your usual impressive honesty and openness, without need for input. But if you are interested in further feedback I've got some thoughts I could share with you later.

either way: (())

Learn2Live

I think you and I are going through similar things in our lives T. Yes, sitting through being uncomfortable, me too. If we don't associate with rejects in the first place, we can't be rejected by them. Not sure what I'm getting at there, other than to look at the way I see other people, maybe as compared to me. One thing I realized about myself the other day is I tend to put certain types of people up on a pedestal, not sure why. I think it is the actual PUTTING them on the pedestal that opens me up to abuse, and all the crazy reactions I have to people. It reminds me maybe a little of that woman with the kids, the veterinarian, who you were saying you admired (not sure if that is the word you used, sorry if not) but were having trouble with. It's like, if we don't admire people in the first place, if we admire OURSELVES, we wouldn't get upset? IDK, just thinking out loud.

Honestly though, how does not being associated with that senate workgroup really reflect anything about you? I think I know how you feel though. Here I am, learning how to just live with others in my life. Thanks for sharing.

transformyself

I think you're right L2L, about us being in similar places
I might just be a control freak but the only thing it says about me is I'll have more time to do other things. And the 4 activists/attorneys will go into that room alone, without me to face about 20 people who literally would rather see them dead.

Good. You do that then. I'm going to work on my book. Remember that memoir? Oh yeah Baby. That one...

Live

You know, I just love how great you sound!
Makes my day!

Carol Star

Hardboiled people are half-baked......