Erica1972

Hey all....I was having a fine day until I listened to my voicemail..Apparantly my stbx heard that I had been out with friends to a comedy club last weekend. No big deal...
But I get a voicemail today from him saying that he could never come home now because he knows what I have been out doing....sleeping with other men....WTF....First of all I havent asked him to come home and never will....Does he not remember all the nights HE spent away from home all night long while we still lived together? The message went on to say that I don't choose men very well, because I chose him... I'm not dating anyone...This behavior is completely off the wall and out of the blue...He wasn't drunk...Seems to me I can make my own choices without his input...I won't be responding to him, but it's kind of unnerved me a bit....I think he is crazy.... He can drink and party all he wants now...Why would my life suddenly be of importance to him as we prepare for divorce??? A little too late I would say

suki44883

If you don't have children with this man, then the best thing to do is block him from your phone and email. Going no contact will keep you from reacting to those dumb messages because you won't even see them.

transformyself

Dude, my AH did the SAME things.

It took a good two years for me to learn to not buy into all this garbage, stop trying to figure out how to prove ANYTHING to him. Letting go is my friend now.

Check out passive aggressive behavior too. That really opened my eyes.

Oh, and rant away! I'm the queen of ranting, the trick is getting back to your happy place once its all out.

hugs

Erica1972

If we didn't have a child together...I would never speak to him again....

CatsPajamas

Ah, I remember the accusations I experienced. My ex couldn't comprehend that I would rather be alone than be with him, so he had to convince himself that I was cheating. I also found out it was part of the bigger impeding divorce settlement issues - if he could prove I was unfaithful it would look bad for me.

Obviously, he couldn't prove it because I wasn't doing anything. In my case this made him a bit more aggressive and unpredictable - which was the confirmation I needed and the impetus necessary for me to follow through with the divorce.

I blocked his calls, didn't read his emails, returned his letters. It was a difficult time, but I sure learned a lot about boundaries, and the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.

Erica1972

Oh brilliant...I hadn't considered he was fishing for divorce dirt....Oh my ....

The only man I want to even be around is my five year old.....Wish I could fast forward life a bit sometimes.....

ElegantlyWasted

That too...
"This behavior is completely off the wall and out of the blue...He wasn't drunk..."

He may not have been drunk, but is still sick.

FarawayFromCars

In dealing with irrational behavior, I have found the delete button and ignore button on my email / phone to be powerful and useful tools. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

Erica1972

I'm glad you said that....It's sometimes hard to remember that even when they aren't drunk doesn't mean they are not sick....big words...thank you....what I needed to be reminded of today...

PurpleWilder

Ya just don't get it....

You did the most irritating thing you can do to an alcoholic, recovering or not....

You went out and got a life and IT WASN'T WITH HIM. I don't think this is an alkie issue - its an ego thing. How DARE you have fun....at night....laughing...without it being all about him? How could you move on without being doubled over in pain at the idea that life could go on without him? You minx.....