Funny/Bitter Venting Oasis For All!
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by lulu1974 
One of the most memorable ones was..we were newly separated when our 3 year anniversary rolled around. We werent really taking. He sent 24 of the biggest roses I ever saw to my job and then asked me to meet him out for the first time since he got out of rehab for dinner. I agreed. The first thing he said to me was if you are trying to lose weight dont eat the breadstick. As you can imagine the rest of dinner didnt go so well after that. A few months later when I got online and figured what he was up to..I saw that evening he was on ashleymadison.com..Its an adult website for affairs for marrieds. NICE. lol. what a creep. I cant even imagine who would do such a thing but he did and now he has graduated to match.com and is listed as never married. We arent even divorced yet and at the time he was still trying to reconcile with me!!! Guess the lieing never stops.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Here's one:
He was trying to convince me he didn't have a drinking problem. The proof?
Well, when he was in his twenties (he's now 49) and at college and first working, he hung out with the guys and athletes (he was a soccer player). THEY would all drink until they threw up and some of them would miss classes because of drinking and so on and so forth. THEY had drinking problems. He drank less than them. Ergo...he didn't have a drinking problem now twenty years later.
This makes sense to him.
(BTW--during that time he did have a DUI...oh, and he lost a full ride soccer scholarship...but he didn't drink as heavily as those guys and the DUI was just barely and mostly a set up and the loss of the full ride scholarship had nothing to do with drugs and partying, it was just that mommy was getting a divorce and was being difficult and it got to him....)
He was trying to convince me he didn't have a drinking problem. The proof?
Well, when he was in his twenties (he's now 49) and at college and first working, he hung out with the guys and athletes (he was a soccer player). THEY would all drink until they threw up and some of them would miss classes because of drinking and so on and so forth. THEY had drinking problems. He drank less than them. Ergo...he didn't have a drinking problem now twenty years later.
This makes sense to him.
(BTW--during that time he did have a DUI...oh, and he lost a full ride soccer scholarship...but he didn't drink as heavily as those guys and the DUI was just barely and mostly a set up and the loss of the full ride scholarship had nothing to do with drugs and partying, it was just that mommy was getting a divorce and was being difficult and it got to him....)
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 34
I cannot help but reply to this.
Last summer, my son's baseball team traveled to an out of state tournament which we were all very excited about. There were about 12 boys and 30 or so family members, all from our small community.
OF COURSE our hotel had a bar, which the husband and his cronies availed themselved to every night. On about the second night there, I had gone to bed early while he closed down the bar... of course. The boys were staying offsite.
I'm so used to him stumbling in during the wee hours that I never heard him come in. I didn't hear a danged thing, in fact, until the hotel phone began ringing at at bout 2:30 AM. I jumped up to answer it and SQUISH, stepped into a couple of inches of water.
Confused as heck, I waded over to the phone where the desk clerk asked if I was okay, as there was water pouring out from under our door. At that point I realized that hubby was passed out in the bathtub with the water running, for who knows how long? Somehow he had managed not to drown himself, though it took me several minutes to rowse him.
With as much dignity as I could muster, I told the clerk we were okay, and she said that we needed to move to another room, as he'd flooded two other rooms besides ours. I packed up our sopping wet belongings alone as he crawled around on the bathroom floor, naked, trying to dry the water with a towel.
I walked to the front desk in my pajamas to get a new key, my pants wet halfway up my legs. The maintenance man and I moved our things while the husband stumbled into the bed of our new room, oblivious.
For the rest of the week, he reveled in telling everyone he saw about the hilarious thing he had done... what a hoot! Of course I had to play along or risk ruining our visit to this city that I'd always dreamed of seeing, as well as our son's fun at the baseball tournament.
After coming home, I don't think we've ever spoken of it again... that's just the way it is at our house.
And there are more "fun" stories where that one came from!
Last summer, my son's baseball team traveled to an out of state tournament which we were all very excited about. There were about 12 boys and 30 or so family members, all from our small community.
OF COURSE our hotel had a bar, which the husband and his cronies availed themselved to every night. On about the second night there, I had gone to bed early while he closed down the bar... of course. The boys were staying offsite.
I'm so used to him stumbling in during the wee hours that I never heard him come in. I didn't hear a danged thing, in fact, until the hotel phone began ringing at at bout 2:30 AM. I jumped up to answer it and SQUISH, stepped into a couple of inches of water.
Confused as heck, I waded over to the phone where the desk clerk asked if I was okay, as there was water pouring out from under our door. At that point I realized that hubby was passed out in the bathtub with the water running, for who knows how long? Somehow he had managed not to drown himself, though it took me several minutes to rowse him.
With as much dignity as I could muster, I told the clerk we were okay, and she said that we needed to move to another room, as he'd flooded two other rooms besides ours. I packed up our sopping wet belongings alone as he crawled around on the bathroom floor, naked, trying to dry the water with a towel.
I walked to the front desk in my pajamas to get a new key, my pants wet halfway up my legs. The maintenance man and I moved our things while the husband stumbled into the bed of our new room, oblivious.
For the rest of the week, he reveled in telling everyone he saw about the hilarious thing he had done... what a hoot! Of course I had to play along or risk ruining our visit to this city that I'd always dreamed of seeing, as well as our son's fun at the baseball tournament.
After coming home, I don't think we've ever spoken of it again... that's just the way it is at our house.
And there are more "fun" stories where that one came from!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Holllllly **** PrettyinPink!!!
Haha. That is so sad. I can relate to not talking about things. That's how I was raised. And boy if you dare talk about the issue at hand..especially in a mature manner, you better prepare to be attacked.
No remorse. KEEP DRINKING!!!
Haha. A$$holes.
Haha. That is so sad. I can relate to not talking about things. That's how I was raised. And boy if you dare talk about the issue at hand..especially in a mature manner, you better prepare to be attacked.
No remorse. KEEP DRINKING!!!
Haha. A$$holes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Please remember that he does NOT think he is an alcoholic and I MAKE him drink....I can laugh at that one....
The judge said, Mr._____when was the last time you used cocaine. he said its been a long time, Judge: When; AH-last week but it was only once, only $100 worth.
He was so sincere (in that lie) and really thought that would be ok.
The Judge said, by what you've admitted I dont believe you should be with him unsupervised.
Its sad but...kinda funny thinking about it.
Also, just like you guys expressed, he'd say we have nothing in common, we shouldnt be together....ect.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
the explosive diarrhea story takes the cake..ewwww!
I don't have any funny or bitter stories. He never did anything creepy when he drank. He was actually a nice guy when he drank. When he got sober he said some stupid things, but nothing like the explosive crap story.....hahaha
I don't have any funny or bitter stories. He never did anything creepy when he drank. He was actually a nice guy when he drank. When he got sober he said some stupid things, but nothing like the explosive crap story.....hahaha
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by PrettyinPink
For the rest of the week, he reveled in telling everyone he saw about the hilarious thing he had done... what a hoot!
He was walking home from the bar (like a responsible drunk) and got very very tired, so reasonably, he decided to lie down a few minutes under a bush net to a commercial 45 mile per hour road.
He woke up hours later and there was a large possum standing on his chest, sniffing his mouth. He looked at the possum, and the possum looked at him, and then he suddenly burst out with a 'Boo!"
He said the possum's eyes got really big and alarmed looking and it scurried off. Ex got up, dusted himself off, and ambled on home feeling like the drunken Dr. Doolittle.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Just posted somewhere else and thought of another good one.
After a meeting, church, reading or listening to the radio talk show, RAH has to share with me what he learned. He always thinks just b/c he hears it and agrees with it that "HE NOW CAN DO IT"
How many times have you heard- [B]" One thing is very true about me, if I buy into something whole heartedly, then things change and I have really bought into....."
Then is he not really buying into it? or does he not understand the need to actually DO something different? One insight, one day of agreeing with something and he thinks he GOT HAS IT NOW and I am the one who has a problem not letting go and seeing his changes (of one day)
After a meeting, church, reading or listening to the radio talk show, RAH has to share with me what he learned. He always thinks just b/c he hears it and agrees with it that "HE NOW CAN DO IT"
How many times have you heard- [B]" One thing is very true about me, if I buy into something whole heartedly, then things change and I have really bought into....."
Then is he not really buying into it? or does he not understand the need to actually DO something different? One insight, one day of agreeing with something and he thinks he GOT HAS IT NOW and I am the one who has a problem not letting go and seeing his changes (of one day)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I loved the way he tried to reconcile with me for months..talked about God and how he goes to church more now. He even commented on how refreshing church was.
Then I found him on match.com saying how religious he is and his married status says never married. But dont forget he goes to church every Sunday to become a better person. Probably sits in the first row too.
I do laugh at that. Walking around with so many lies must be exhausting. How does one keep track?? lol
Then I found him on match.com saying how religious he is and his married status says never married. But dont forget he goes to church every Sunday to become a better person. Probably sits in the first row too.
I do laugh at that. Walking around with so many lies must be exhausting. How does one keep track?? lol
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
When I was seperated from XAH he was on Match.com saying he was divorced.....he was sooooooon after........I was a teacher and we had "funny hat day" at school so I take baseball hats to school to loan to kids who forgot them. Husband calls me at school and says his dope is missing and is under the rim of one of the hats!!!!!! Luckily it was still on my desk. No kid had wanted to wear that particular one! OMG........at school! I could have been fired! HP was with me.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I never could figure out how you got poo on the underneath side of the toilet seat. Now I know. Explosive diarrhea.
God. What the hell was I thinking staying with him as long as I did.
God. What the hell was I thinking staying with him as long as I did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by carol star
when i was seperated from xah he was on match.com saying he was divorced.....he was sooooooon after........i was a teacher and we had "funny hat day" at school so i take baseball hats to school to loan to kids who forgot them. Husband calls me at school and says his dope is missing and is under the rim of one of the hats!!!!!! Luckily it was still on my desk. No kid had wanted to wear that particular one! Omg........at school! I could have been fired! Hp was with me.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
I've tried my best to forget about all the stupid $hit XAH used to tell me, but here are a few I can remember:
"WAR!! It's WAR! We have to hide" - Saying XAH waking up from a drunken stupor and upon hearing the Toronto Air Show roaring above our apartment.
"Now that your boobs are so big, you can put them to good use" - telling me I should service him sexually a few weeks after my daughter's birth with my swollen milk-filled boobage. Nice.
"When I come home after a hard day at work, I DESERVE to be serviced in every way possible" - Meaning with a cold glass of beer his son should prepare for him and with a bj from me, the exhausted wife taking care of a growing baby.
"You have no idea what's coming for *her* and if you take her away from me, she'll lose her way" - Meaning the impending Apocalypse where XAH believed his son would lead mankind into a new era, and where my daughter was supposed to play a pivotal role by his side. Pass the Haldol.
"Why don't you want me anymore??" - Says the drunk man who hasn't showered for weeks, and expects me to get on my knees to service him while baby is asleep in her crib in the same room as us.
"The only reason you make more money than me is because we live in a racist province that's out to get me!" - Says the drunken angry man complaining that his university educated wife with a decade of experience is making more money than him being a secretary because, boo-hoo, he's never held down a job in his life and never finished grade 9.
I'm sure there's WAY more, but I'd rather not think about it!
"WAR!! It's WAR! We have to hide" - Saying XAH waking up from a drunken stupor and upon hearing the Toronto Air Show roaring above our apartment.
"Now that your boobs are so big, you can put them to good use" - telling me I should service him sexually a few weeks after my daughter's birth with my swollen milk-filled boobage. Nice.
"When I come home after a hard day at work, I DESERVE to be serviced in every way possible" - Meaning with a cold glass of beer his son should prepare for him and with a bj from me, the exhausted wife taking care of a growing baby.
"You have no idea what's coming for *her* and if you take her away from me, she'll lose her way" - Meaning the impending Apocalypse where XAH believed his son would lead mankind into a new era, and where my daughter was supposed to play a pivotal role by his side. Pass the Haldol.
"Why don't you want me anymore??" - Says the drunk man who hasn't showered for weeks, and expects me to get on my knees to service him while baby is asleep in her crib in the same room as us.
"The only reason you make more money than me is because we live in a racist province that's out to get me!" - Says the drunken angry man complaining that his university educated wife with a decade of experience is making more money than him being a secretary because, boo-hoo, he's never held down a job in his life and never finished grade 9.
I'm sure there's WAY more, but I'd rather not think about it!
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