the house I just moved into is being foreclosed
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Transformyself,
I´m sorry about the news, but I´m sure you´ll be able to turn it around and make the best of it.
There are always solutions and hopefully you can negociate with the bank and the next landlord, or find an even better place in your neighbourhood.
Good luck!
I´m sorry about the news, but I´m sure you´ll be able to turn it around and make the best of it.
There are always solutions and hopefully you can negociate with the bank and the next landlord, or find an even better place in your neighbourhood.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Transform 
Sorry to hear about the landlord going broke and having to foreclose. It must really suck for her to have to give up her source of income with two little ones to care for.
In _this_ economy? I don't know _anybody_ who has stability.
I believe that life is all about the "serenity prayer". Some situations I create myself, others just happen, and if I learn how to tell them apart and respond _apropriately_ I'll be able to survive them all.
What are you supposed to be learning? Well what sticks out at me is that your landlord is in a very dark pit in her own life, and that if your sister had been the tenant it would have been a nightmare for your landlord. I think the lesson is that you have a kind and compasionate heart and that you have been a blessing for the landlord.
You were able to help another person in need even though you were going thru your own hardships. Personally, I think that shows awesome recovery
Mike
Sorry to hear about the landlord going broke and having to foreclose. It must really suck for her to have to give up her source of income with two little ones to care for.
Originally Posted by transformyself 
... I'm fighting feeling like a looser. Why cant' I have stability?....
Originally Posted by transformyself
... I believe we create our own situations. What am I suppose to be learning that I haven't?....
What are you supposed to be learning? Well what sticks out at me is that your landlord is in a very dark pit in her own life, and that if your sister had been the tenant it would have been a nightmare for your landlord. I think the lesson is that you have a kind and compasionate heart and that you have been a blessing for the landlord.
You were able to help another person in need even though you were going thru your own hardships. Personally, I think that shows awesome recovery
Mike
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by Pelican
Wow! The difference between reacting and responding to this situation right there in your family. Look:
demanding I "sue" her because vs.
I"m going to try to save money, pare down my belongings to as little as possible and just try to be grateful
Your recovery is showing and you look Mah-Veh-Lussss! :ghug3
demanding I "sue" her because vs.
I"m going to try to save money, pare down my belongings to as little as possible and just try to be grateful
Your recovery is showing and you look Mah-Veh-Lussss! :ghug3
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Well ok so, I come here and read and go into the garage and cry.
You guys are so kind. I surpised by how badly I am STILL pretty screwed up. believing I'm not lovable. I've been saying these positive affirmations out loud to myself and was feeling pretty freaking good about all areas of my life, especially the taking care of yourself like a grown up part.
Now, especially with the kindness from you guys (wtf?) I just feel hopeless and scared again that I'll never be able to support myself and my kids. Lived off my AH for years. Couldn't support myself. Just as a new business takes off and hope is on the horizon, this falls from the sky. Don't you get enough laughs up there?
It's bizarre how easily this self defeating, age old thinking takes over again.
I feel like I'm beating it back from the barricaded door, like brain eating zombies. But with your chorus of voices I should be able to make it through the night.
You guys are so kind. I surpised by how badly I am STILL pretty screwed up. believing I'm not lovable. I've been saying these positive affirmations out loud to myself and was feeling pretty freaking good about all areas of my life, especially the taking care of yourself like a grown up part.
Now, especially with the kindness from you guys (wtf?) I just feel hopeless and scared again that I'll never be able to support myself and my kids. Lived off my AH for years. Couldn't support myself. Just as a new business takes off and hope is on the horizon, this falls from the sky. Don't you get enough laughs up there?
It's bizarre how easily this self defeating, age old thinking takes over again.
I feel like I'm beating it back from the barricaded door, like brain eating zombies. But with your chorus of voices I should be able to make it through the night.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Hey T,
It's okay to be angry with God (he can take it), but don't beat yourself up over life's changes.
I am discovering that parenting one's inner child is something many of us have to completely learn from scratch. I didn't have the best parenting examples for it growing up so I am having to learn what it means to be a protective but productive parent to my inner child.
My first reaction when any challenge pops up, big or little, is to defeat myself before I even have a chance to wrap my head around it. I will tell myself, before I even know the scope of a problem, that there is noway I can get through it because I'm always a bad-luck Betty or because I'm not smart enough to see these things coming.
It's all crap.
If I just give myself enough patience and enough time to think, I manage quite well. With all I've done and all I've made it through you would think I would see it, but I guess the invalidation and defeat I felt as a child just stuck so deep it will always be a part of me in some way.
Do you feel the same way??
Positive affirmations are so powerful. You just keep telling yourself the truth. You are capable. You have come such a long way. You have proven you can endure and outlast any change the universe has for you. Give yourself the time, the patience, and the faith you deserve.
Hey, I know what it's like to go through an epic move of house and home and think "never again, Lord please, never again" and then wammo, you have to pack up and move again (I had to move again in only 4 days,too). I freaked out for sure, but I had to remind myself that I did it once, I could do it again. Granted, I had to do it a lot quicker this time, but I really had no tangible reason to think I couldn't when I told myself the truth. And you know what, I did move again and it worked out to be a much better place for me to be in.
You'll rise above this. Once step at a time.
Best wishes!!!
Alice
It's okay to be angry with God (he can take it), but don't beat yourself up over life's changes.
I am discovering that parenting one's inner child is something many of us have to completely learn from scratch. I didn't have the best parenting examples for it growing up so I am having to learn what it means to be a protective but productive parent to my inner child.
My first reaction when any challenge pops up, big or little, is to defeat myself before I even have a chance to wrap my head around it. I will tell myself, before I even know the scope of a problem, that there is noway I can get through it because I'm always a bad-luck Betty or because I'm not smart enough to see these things coming.
It's all crap.
If I just give myself enough patience and enough time to think, I manage quite well. With all I've done and all I've made it through you would think I would see it, but I guess the invalidation and defeat I felt as a child just stuck so deep it will always be a part of me in some way.
Do you feel the same way??
Positive affirmations are so powerful. You just keep telling yourself the truth. You are capable. You have come such a long way. You have proven you can endure and outlast any change the universe has for you. Give yourself the time, the patience, and the faith you deserve.
Hey, I know what it's like to go through an epic move of house and home and think "never again, Lord please, never again" and then wammo, you have to pack up and move again (I had to move again in only 4 days,too). I freaked out for sure, but I had to remind myself that I did it once, I could do it again. Granted, I had to do it a lot quicker this time, but I really had no tangible reason to think I couldn't when I told myself the truth. And you know what, I did move again and it worked out to be a much better place for me to be in.
You'll rise above this. Once step at a time.
Best wishes!!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Originally Posted by transformyself
Well ok so, I come here and read and go into the garage and cry.
It's bizarre how easily this self defeating, age old thinking takes over again.
I feel like I'm beating it back from the barricaded door, like brain eating zombies. But with your chorus of voices I should be able to make it through the night.
It's bizarre how easily this self defeating, age old thinking takes over again.
I feel like I'm beating it back from the barricaded door, like brain eating zombies. But with your chorus of voices I should be able to make it through the night.
It´s normal as well to get back to old pattern thinking in times like these, but be good to yourself, use resources available to you and think different. Maybe you´ll find a new solution to this problem.
It´s very scary to be told your home is about to be taken away from you. I´ve been in your situation, but soon things will settle in your mind and then you´ll be able to deal with whatever comes your way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
dear T - just wanted to send some warm and caring thoughts and wishes your way! I can say that at times it does feel like we are going through the same S*** on a different day, but in reality it is different! -you are there instead of where you were - you had nothing to do with the situation - just as you didn't have any control over your relationship - but you now have the ability to respond differently and have a different outcome!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you everyone for all the wisdom and kind words and encouragement.
I"m grateful AH has been out on a three day drinking bender at a Beer Fest since this happened. He's called at night, but I ignore the calls then turn off the phone. He keeps trying to torture me-we've spent a great deal of time together with the kids over the last week of their break from school because neither of us want to miss out on the pool parties, stuff at school, etc. When I told him about the house being foreclosed and I was crying he was also very sad and very supportive, telling me "we'll get through this, don't worry,"
I think that's contributing to my depression, knowing that he would drag this on forever between us if I let him. Him living in his own place, with his booze, and still wanting to be with me and the kids, but not enough to stop drinking or go into therapy. Almost all of the time, I don't care about that, don't care about him anymore and see him as a nuisance really but he was all manly and supportive and sweet when I told him the news of the house being foreclosed. Like a husband should be. Very tricky that one.
I've been sad too because I have to be the grown up, the sober one that keeps the boundaries. it's good that he left for three days, because realistically I would have hung out with him more, getting attention and support. What a great way to complicate the situation with insanity.
So I've been grieving the reality of my marriage on top of this crap with my living situation.
Best news for me is that tomorrow the kids go back to school. I will go back to yoga. I will get off the couch, take a damn shower, start my routine again of getting up at 4am to write. I will no longer have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself and will get back to work-have tons of it piling up waiting for me.
My self pity party is coming to an end, thank goodness! I've had about enough of it. It's just not that much fun anymore..
Thank you again everyone for the kind words of encouragement and truth speaking.
I"m grateful AH has been out on a three day drinking bender at a Beer Fest since this happened. He's called at night, but I ignore the calls then turn off the phone. He keeps trying to torture me-we've spent a great deal of time together with the kids over the last week of their break from school because neither of us want to miss out on the pool parties, stuff at school, etc. When I told him about the house being foreclosed and I was crying he was also very sad and very supportive, telling me "we'll get through this, don't worry,"
I think that's contributing to my depression, knowing that he would drag this on forever between us if I let him. Him living in his own place, with his booze, and still wanting to be with me and the kids, but not enough to stop drinking or go into therapy. Almost all of the time, I don't care about that, don't care about him anymore and see him as a nuisance really but he was all manly and supportive and sweet when I told him the news of the house being foreclosed. Like a husband should be. Very tricky that one.
I've been sad too because I have to be the grown up, the sober one that keeps the boundaries. it's good that he left for three days, because realistically I would have hung out with him more, getting attention and support. What a great way to complicate the situation with insanity.
So I've been grieving the reality of my marriage on top of this crap with my living situation.
Best news for me is that tomorrow the kids go back to school. I will go back to yoga. I will get off the couch, take a damn shower, start my routine again of getting up at 4am to write. I will no longer have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself and will get back to work-have tons of it piling up waiting for me.
My self pity party is coming to an end, thank goodness! I've had about enough of it. It's just not that much fun anymore..
Thank you again everyone for the kind words of encouragement and truth speaking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I make it on half the $ I used to. I ask myself " do I want that or do I need that " before I buy anything. My big splurge is dinner out with girlfriends after church on Sundays. I eat healthy but simple, take 2 mini vacations a yr. not very far away.....3 days at Va. Beach, and 3 days in the mts. (summer/fall). I only buy clothes when I need something. I am just aware now. I drive a simple little Ford. I will keep it 10 yrs. I bought it used and paid cash. Life is simple and good. I don't dye my hair anymore. I like the natural color better! I just need a few good friends, recovery, my HP.......I wait to see movies on tv and only have basic cable. Sorry.......I am on a roll.......saving $!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by Carol Star
I make it on half the $ I used to. I ask myself " do I want that or do I need that " before I buy anything. My big splurge is dinner out with girlfriends after church on Sundays. I eat healthy but simple, take 2 mini vacations a yr. not very far away.....3 days at Va. Beach, and 3 days in the mts. (summer/fall). I only buy clothes when I need something. I am just aware now. I drive a simple little Ford. I will keep it 10 yrs. I bought it used and paid cash. Life is simple and good. I don't dye my hair anymore. I like the natural color better! I just need a few good friends, recovery, my HP.......I wait to see movies on tv and only have basic cable. Sorry.......I am on a roll.......saving $!
I love saving money.
If you are interested in this, check out the book the Tightwad Gazette. I do a ton of things from that - make my own salad dressing (and everything else), don't eat out, wash plastic bags, save glass jars to use as "tupperware", watch instant movies on netflix rather than go out, take my own recycling to the center, etc. etc.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Ugh. Thank you both. I ALREADY have lived in poverty for longer than I care to disclose and have been washing plastic bags and buying second hand clothes my entire life. The novelty has worn off, long ago
. I'm just now beginning to see some money come in with my career.
Best news is, it appears I won't have to pay rent now for 6 months, all though AH was paying the rent here and now I don't know if he will continue to give me money. He said he would, but that was in the pre-party mode.
. I'm just now beginning to see some money come in with my career.
Best news is, it appears I won't have to pay rent now for 6 months, all though AH was paying the rent here and now I don't know if he will continue to give me money. He said he would, but that was in the pre-party mode.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
Oh honey. I'm soooo sorry. Where one door closes another opens. Someone always has it worse than you. My late ABF overdosed and died, the following day foreclosure papers on the house we were renting! Poof - all of it gone. You will find a way to save money and find a suitable, maybe even better place than you ever dreamed of. Divine intervention?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
Now is the perfect time to visualize your desire... A big kitchen? A sunken tub? A walk in closet, dishwasher, back yard deck, laundry room??? Pick the features you want most for you and go for it. What a great opportunity!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Ok, here goes:
yes to dishwasher, laundry room, hot tub, back yard deck, big trees, room for a garden,
Open kitchen, one with a huge eat-in table.
Fenced in back yard, tightly fenced so the chihuahua's can't get out and run down the street laughing.
three bedrooms, not two
office space with a huge window, well insulated
lots of sunlight
well insulated so we're not freezing 9 months out of the year
open design, big rooms and open walkways
Big, strong, muscley humble, funny, smart single man with morals and no drinking problem living next door that falls madly in love with me and my kids and would do anything for me. Traditional Indian. Thinks I'm delightful, adorable and patiently waits for me.
Hows that?
yes to dishwasher, laundry room, hot tub, back yard deck, big trees, room for a garden,
Open kitchen, one with a huge eat-in table.
Fenced in back yard, tightly fenced so the chihuahua's can't get out and run down the street laughing.
three bedrooms, not two
office space with a huge window, well insulated
lots of sunlight
well insulated so we're not freezing 9 months out of the year
open design, big rooms and open walkways
Big, strong, muscley humble, funny, smart single man with morals and no drinking problem living next door that falls madly in love with me and my kids and would do anything for me. Traditional Indian. Thinks I'm delightful, adorable and patiently waits for me.
Hows that?
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Oh Tranform....am just catching up on the weekend posts and wanted to add my hugs and support to the pile!
I am so sorry to hear your news.....BUT i have to agree with lots of the great posts above....who knows whats in store for you?! It could be the greatest adventure of your life.......lets hope so...and I do also really feel for you.
You are a great mum who is doing the absolute best she can for her kids under very difficult circumstances....I have been following your posts for a long while now and I see someone who has grown so so much.....is strong, brave, couragious and truly amazing at times and you WILL get through this latest set back :ghug3
Remember how far you have come my friend.......and that is an enourmously long way. Take care keep posting......your SR family care Phiz
I am so sorry to hear your news.....BUT i have to agree with lots of the great posts above....who knows whats in store for you?! It could be the greatest adventure of your life.......lets hope so...and I do also really feel for you.
You are a great mum who is doing the absolute best she can for her kids under very difficult circumstances....I have been following your posts for a long while now and I see someone who has grown so so much.....is strong, brave, couragious and truly amazing at times and you WILL get through this latest set back :ghug3
Remember how far you have come my friend.......and that is an enourmously long way. Take care keep posting......your SR family care Phiz
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by transformyself
Ok, here goes:...
* lmao *
Mike
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Originally Posted by DesertEyes
OMG I love it. And I see you have it in the right order. Dishwasher _way_ high on the list and muscley guy way on the bottom.
* lmao *
Mike
* lmao *
Mike
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