Can't talk to XAH so posting here
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Can't talk to XAH so posting here
My week-end was supposed to consist of: surprise birthday party for mom, drop off DD at her father's, go to tango, pick up DD and go back home.
Instead it consisted of: surprise birthday party for mom, MAJOR argument over the phone with XAH ending with him hanging up on me, a tear-filled and frustrated discussion with my parents, and THEN dropping DD off at her father's, tango practice and picking DD up, and THEN more crying at home with mom.
My strategy has been to keep my mouth shut about what I want custody wise until Thursday's mediation. If XAH blew up when reading my plan, there'd be a witness there to see it. But when XAH started demanding that I show him the parenting plan I'd drafted up, I kinda lost it. I have so much pent-up resentment and anger for this person, and I generally feel that I just have to shove it all down and keep things polite for my daughter's sake. But I didn't this time...It all tumbled out of me: how I think XAH is unstable and unable to care for a toddler for 50% of the time, how shared custody is a dangerous idea for our child who thrives on regularity and how joint custody with my having primary residential custody is to everyone's advantage. I should have known to stop when XAH kept spouting about his RIGHTS, his RIGHTS, his RIGHTS!
It all ended with him hanging up on me. I was ITCHING to write him a scathing email, but instead, I just emailed to confirm that I was dropping DD off at 12 and to please have lunch prepared for her. Yay for me.
This morning, I get another suggestive and threatening email from him, describing me as unstable (former dancer, mentally unstable, on probation at work), whereas he is Father of the Century (got a new job, starts today, has a 12 year old son as proof of his wonderful fatherly attributes, blah blah blah). He threatened to accuse my father of child abuse and to demand that he be supervised while caring for my daughter. He suggested he's calling his lawyer. And then demanded again that I prepare the parenting plan before he serves me with papers in a few weeks.
ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*taking deep breath now*
I won't respond. I won't play this game. I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss whether I need to serve XAH before he serves me. I may well go ahead and serve him anyhow and try to proceed with mediation anyway. From the sound of the email I received, I get the feeling that XAH is afraid to go to court and is trying anything to get me to give him what he wants out of court. His X had mentioned that he never showed up for the custody hearing for her son...
So there. I'm not feeling so frustrated anymore. Just tired of this. I want to do what's best for DD even though it sucks the big one.
Instead it consisted of: surprise birthday party for mom, MAJOR argument over the phone with XAH ending with him hanging up on me, a tear-filled and frustrated discussion with my parents, and THEN dropping DD off at her father's, tango practice and picking DD up, and THEN more crying at home with mom.
My strategy has been to keep my mouth shut about what I want custody wise until Thursday's mediation. If XAH blew up when reading my plan, there'd be a witness there to see it. But when XAH started demanding that I show him the parenting plan I'd drafted up, I kinda lost it. I have so much pent-up resentment and anger for this person, and I generally feel that I just have to shove it all down and keep things polite for my daughter's sake. But I didn't this time...It all tumbled out of me: how I think XAH is unstable and unable to care for a toddler for 50% of the time, how shared custody is a dangerous idea for our child who thrives on regularity and how joint custody with my having primary residential custody is to everyone's advantage. I should have known to stop when XAH kept spouting about his RIGHTS, his RIGHTS, his RIGHTS!
It all ended with him hanging up on me. I was ITCHING to write him a scathing email, but instead, I just emailed to confirm that I was dropping DD off at 12 and to please have lunch prepared for her. Yay for me.
This morning, I get another suggestive and threatening email from him, describing me as unstable (former dancer, mentally unstable, on probation at work), whereas he is Father of the Century (got a new job, starts today, has a 12 year old son as proof of his wonderful fatherly attributes, blah blah blah). He threatened to accuse my father of child abuse and to demand that he be supervised while caring for my daughter. He suggested he's calling his lawyer. And then demanded again that I prepare the parenting plan before he serves me with papers in a few weeks.
ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*taking deep breath now*
I won't respond. I won't play this game. I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss whether I need to serve XAH before he serves me. I may well go ahead and serve him anyhow and try to proceed with mediation anyway. From the sound of the email I received, I get the feeling that XAH is afraid to go to court and is trying anything to get me to give him what he wants out of court. His X had mentioned that he never showed up for the custody hearing for her son...
So there. I'm not feeling so frustrated anymore. Just tired of this. I want to do what's best for DD even though it sucks the big one.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,917
No suggestions other than to be sure to print that email and show it to your attorney. If he is stupid enough to tell you he is going to accuse your father of child abuse, your attorney needs to see that. Also, if it were me, I would definitely have him served first if at all possible.
Hang in there. You do not have to show him or tell him anything until Thursday. He can yell and scream and brow beat you all he wants, but don't let him intimiate you. I really cannot stand bullies. Many hugs to you.
Hang in there. You do not have to show him or tell him anything until Thursday. He can yell and scream and brow beat you all he wants, but don't let him intimiate you. I really cannot stand bullies. Many hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
I agree with Suki. He is bullying you.
You know what the truth is. Stay strong and firm in your convictions. You know what is true.
The only way I have salvaged any sliver of sanity is that I have been NC with STBXAH. I have had to learn the hard way that being exposed to his tirades and ravings set me way, way back.
You know what is right and you know what is true. (((hugs)))
You are doing what you're supposed to do. hang in tehre, honey.
You know what the truth is. Stay strong and firm in your convictions. You know what is true.
The only way I have salvaged any sliver of sanity is that I have been NC with STBXAH. I have had to learn the hard way that being exposed to his tirades and ravings set me way, way back.
You know what is right and you know what is true. (((hugs)))
You are doing what you're supposed to do. hang in tehre, honey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
"But but but *mooooom! Can't I just chew him out, just a tiny little bit, please please pretty-please with a cherry on top?" 
Sometimes--ok, a lot of times, especially these days, I just want to finally scream at him all the years of pent-up anger, frustration and rage I have boiling inside me, about everything he put me through and continues to put me through.
But there's no point. I know. He will never listen. In his mind, I will always be a lying, cheating, manipulating, whorin' ex-stripper who broke his heart and is trying to take his child from him.
Sometimes--ok, a lot of times, especially these days, I just want to finally scream at him all the years of pent-up anger, frustration and rage I have boiling inside me, about everything he put me through and continues to put me through.
But there's no point. I know. He will never listen. In his mind, I will always be a lying, cheating, manipulating, whorin' ex-stripper who broke his heart and is trying to take his child from him.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
that's the hardest thing to me: knowing that who he believes me to be will never change, no matter how many different ways I try to show him, tell him, convince him that he's got me all wrong.
Scream it onto the page, noday. And save it. It makes things a lot clearer later on.
Scream it onto the page, noday. And save it. It makes things a lot clearer later on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
noday,
have you written a long letter to this butt hole? for some people, it is a great way to process emotions, and help to get this crap that is infecting your insides out. of course you don't actually mail it.
wishing good things for you soon,
have you written a long letter to this butt hole? for some people, it is a great way to process emotions, and help to get this crap that is infecting your insides out. of course you don't actually mail it.
wishing good things for you soon,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
God, this guy pi$$es me off! He's the biggest control freak! Doesn't he realize you could play hardball and subpoena his mother and 14 ex-wives? Why does he think he holds any cards at all? Isn't this the guy who is in arrears on child support for two of his kids already? He needs slaps, big time.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
noday, have you tried having a quiet time for yourself and acting "as if" he was infront of you? and telling him, shouting everything you didnt have a chance to do? great therapy exercise!!
beating pillows against the walls helped me a lot. also I am joining some karate lessons, been in some before and it feels so great to kick and punch and shout. tae bo, kick boxing, etc. are great ways to take the anger out!
also, you can write everything you think about him... tell him everything he has made you feel... NO CENSORSHIP... then burn the papers. try it! there is release seeing those papers -and feelings- turning into.. nothing..
beating pillows against the walls helped me a lot. also I am joining some karate lessons, been in some before and it feels so great to kick and punch and shout. tae bo, kick boxing, etc. are great ways to take the anger out!
also, you can write everything you think about him... tell him everything he has made you feel... NO CENSORSHIP... then burn the papers. try it! there is release seeing those papers -and feelings- turning into.. nothing..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by wanting 
God, this guy pi$$es me off! He's the biggest control freak! Doesn't he realize you could play hardball and subpoena his mother and 14 ex-wives? Why does he think he holds any cards at all? Isn't this the guy who is in arrears on child support for two of his kids already? He needs slaps, big time.
He's 7K in arrears for child support to his 3rd son, which he abandoned after the mother filed for custody and c.s. Mind you, that amount is based on the fact that he didn't work and lived off me. The amount would most likely be changed retroactively from the moment he began working full-time here in Quebec. He doesn't owe any child support for the 1st son he abandoned since the mother took sole custody while he ran away to Canada and then was in jail. The child was adopted recently and the mother died. I wouldn't need to subpoena anybody...his mother and his ex are lining up to testify against him. I just didn't want it to come to this.
Thanks for the suggestions re getting my anger out on paper. I'll give it a shot tonight...might lose the use of the my hand in the process though.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Noday... I can't offer any thoughts on your situation, you've already got it so under control. You already know what to do.
I love Wanting's post; "...you could play hardball and subpoena his mother and 14 ex-wives"
Ain't that the truth? All our A's (love that double entendre!) have 14 x-wives's, and are control, lie and accusation freaks.
Looks as though you're just having a pre-mediation bug-out moment. All the chips are in your pile.
Sending you prayers and HUGS!
Tigg
I love Wanting's post; "...you could play hardball and subpoena his mother and 14 ex-wives"
Ain't that the truth? All our A's (love that double entendre!) have 14 x-wives's, and are control, lie and accusation freaks.
Looks as though you're just having a pre-mediation bug-out moment. All the chips are in your pile.
Sending you prayers and HUGS!
Tigg
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I don't know this @&%$* but he raises my blood pressure and has my knuckles itching to deck him. Grrrrrrr!!
Keep every nasty and obnoxious email the idiot sends you, also phone txt messages.
Write down main comments from his drivel on the phone, also log the date and time of those calls.
Get in first and have him served with those papers, as I agree he is trying to bully you into giving him what he wants and is terrified of having to front court.
Even a controlling dickwit like him, must know that his history of drinking, marriage disasters and child abandonment, etc is known to you and can be used in court against his demand for access and support.
Keeping your child safe and out of this abusive, unstable and downright pig ignorant man is certainly important, after all what an example of a man he is. YUK.
Yes, Girl go for it, serve him.....and serve him bloody right.
God bless
Keep every nasty and obnoxious email the idiot sends you, also phone txt messages.
Write down main comments from his drivel on the phone, also log the date and time of those calls.
Get in first and have him served with those papers, as I agree he is trying to bully you into giving him what he wants and is terrified of having to front court.
Even a controlling dickwit like him, must know that his history of drinking, marriage disasters and child abandonment, etc is known to you and can be used in court against his demand for access and support.
Keeping your child safe and out of this abusive, unstable and downright pig ignorant man is certainly important, after all what an example of a man he is. YUK.
Yes, Girl go for it, serve him.....and serve him bloody right.
God bless
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