So Alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
So Alone
SR Family,
I feel so alone. I've never really had to deal with alone. I'm doing it intentionally because I know it would be a bad idea for me to seek company from a man. Guess I'm learning deeply what I stated a while ago; that I don't like being alone.
Oh… there are wonderful people in my life; my SR family, my natural family, dear wonderful friends. But it's not the same as sharing a home, warmth, comfort, ideas, feelings, the burden of finances, hopes and dreams with a committed partner. I don't like it. Not one bit. But I am choosing this, and simply have to get through it and learn to be comfortable and even joyful by myself. Oh crap it's hard.
Then there's the added frustration with the legal system that doesn't consider promises and emotions. It hit me last night at my first appt with a counselor that I really am going to have to shoulder a lot financially that I shouldn't have to, but legally, must.
I'm working at home today which is good and bad. Being at work eliminates distractions from deep thought. And… being at work eliminates distractions from deep thought (repeat intended).
I'm sorry to be non-positive. But it's all encompassing-ly painful at the moment. I wish I had a man-partner here to comfort me. Then again, I'm glad I don't. I have to work through this. Wonder how long it will take.
Tigg
I feel so alone. I've never really had to deal with alone. I'm doing it intentionally because I know it would be a bad idea for me to seek company from a man. Guess I'm learning deeply what I stated a while ago; that I don't like being alone.
Oh… there are wonderful people in my life; my SR family, my natural family, dear wonderful friends. But it's not the same as sharing a home, warmth, comfort, ideas, feelings, the burden of finances, hopes and dreams with a committed partner. I don't like it. Not one bit. But I am choosing this, and simply have to get through it and learn to be comfortable and even joyful by myself. Oh crap it's hard.
Then there's the added frustration with the legal system that doesn't consider promises and emotions. It hit me last night at my first appt with a counselor that I really am going to have to shoulder a lot financially that I shouldn't have to, but legally, must.
I'm working at home today which is good and bad. Being at work eliminates distractions from deep thought. And… being at work eliminates distractions from deep thought (repeat intended).
I'm sorry to be non-positive. But it's all encompassing-ly painful at the moment. I wish I had a man-partner here to comfort me. Then again, I'm glad I don't. I have to work through this. Wonder how long it will take.
Tigg
Seeking Serenity
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by tigger11 
But it's not the same as sharing a home, warmth, comfort, ideas, feelings, the burden of finances, hopes and dreams with a committed partner. I don't like it. Not one bit. But I am choosing this, and simply have to get through it and learn to be comfortable and even joyful by myself. Oh crap it's hard.
But on the flip side...do we miss the dream of the man we used to have? I think so. The man I left was not the man I married anymore anyway. Plus...not sure about you, but towards the end...I didn't share any thing of importance with him anyway. It would either end up in an arguement or I just wanted to keep a part of myself from him. In any case...the bottom line is I didn't have someone to share my life with...even while he was physically in my life.
Give yourself time Tig. It's a process that we go through...and it's normal. One foot in front of the other...one day at a time. Before you know it...you will feel better.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
What a healthy post T!
You are lonely and for that I wish I could wrap you up in a blanket and comfort you.
I am bolstered by the fact that you learning to comfort yourself and be your own best companion and confidant. The path is one baby step after the other, but you will get there.
I have had to do the same. I've had roommates to live with since leaving my EXABF but have been reminded in one way or another that I can't let other people be my comfort that way. They have their own baggage that takes priority over little 'ole me.
Take is slow and steady...chocolate helps...naps, too.
Alice
You are lonely and for that I wish I could wrap you up in a blanket and comfort you.
I am bolstered by the fact that you learning to comfort yourself and be your own best companion and confidant. The path is one baby step after the other, but you will get there.
I have had to do the same. I've had roommates to live with since leaving my EXABF but have been reminded in one way or another that I can't let other people be my comfort that way. They have their own baggage that takes priority over little 'ole me.
Take is slow and steady...chocolate helps...naps, too.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 62
Tig, I so understand where you are coming from. It has been a difficult experience for me too. Today is the perfect example being Friday. I know that when I go home tonight unless I choose to make some plans with friends over the weekend or head to church on Sunday I could go until Monday morning without opening my mouth to speak, without seeing another human being, without any contact other than my little dog.....
But on the flip side of that, I have discovered all kinds of positive things to focus on. I get to watch any damn thing I want to on telelvision!! If I want to watch Lifetime Movies all day then I CAN! If I don't want to get out of my PJ's til Monday morning, brush my teeth or even comb my hair nobody will say a word! I don't have to cook! Or I can cook the most disgusting fattening full of carb treat my heart desires and EAT THE WHOLE thing if I want to! I don't have to shave my legs unless I decide to! LOL! I can read a great book without being interrupted. I can take a nice long nap or I can stay up all freaking night! The weekend is 100% mine to do with as I choose! And that just isn't all bad!
Hugs to you. Treat yourself this weekend by doing something you LOVE that he would hate if he were there. It will make you smile!
But on the flip side of that, I have discovered all kinds of positive things to focus on. I get to watch any damn thing I want to on telelvision!! If I want to watch Lifetime Movies all day then I CAN! If I don't want to get out of my PJ's til Monday morning, brush my teeth or even comb my hair nobody will say a word! I don't have to cook! Or I can cook the most disgusting fattening full of carb treat my heart desires and EAT THE WHOLE thing if I want to! I don't have to shave my legs unless I decide to! LOL! I can read a great book without being interrupted. I can take a nice long nap or I can stay up all freaking night! The weekend is 100% mine to do with as I choose! And that just isn't all bad!
Hugs to you. Treat yourself this weekend by doing something you LOVE that he would hate if he were there. It will make you smile!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
sit thru the uncomfortableness and get to know yourself again.
it unfolds, like a flower, tigger.
give it some time. keep it simple. healthy food, sunlight, a walk. move your body. get off caffeine, sip hot water, honey and lemon. make some changes. ponder what it is you want in life. be helpful to others. be kind to yourself. splurge! light candles just for yourself. be open to other people. see what the universe has in store...
anyway, you're not alone. we're here with you all the way.
it unfolds, like a flower, tigger.
give it some time. keep it simple. healthy food, sunlight, a walk. move your body. get off caffeine, sip hot water, honey and lemon. make some changes. ponder what it is you want in life. be helpful to others. be kind to yourself. splurge! light candles just for yourself. be open to other people. see what the universe has in store...
anyway, you're not alone. we're here with you all the way.
miyah
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Hi Tigger
Sending you hugs!!
I understand - I am in the same place as you. I find myself so restless and dissatisfied some days. Can't focus on school or anything else.
How the heck did we get here?
I have the feeling that with one more little issue and I will crumble. I had a little incident yesterday where I questioned if I was any better at chosing friends, than I was at choosing men.
I can't really seem to cry about any of it - just feel miserable.
Sending you hugs!!
I understand - I am in the same place as you. I find myself so restless and dissatisfied some days. Can't focus on school or anything else.
How the heck did we get here?
I have the feeling that with one more little issue and I will crumble. I had a little incident yesterday where I questioned if I was any better at chosing friends, than I was at choosing men.
I can't really seem to cry about any of it - just feel miserable.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
^ what they all said
I like my own company, always have, but still sometimes I am overwhelmed by loneliness. I was within my marriage too.
I HATE having to go through the process, feeling pain etc: I'd really rather not bother if its all the same with everyone, thanks.
but b*gger if that isn't what got me here in the first place. Is it being alone you don't like or being lonely you don't like or both (we are all different)?
I like my own company, always have, but still sometimes I am overwhelmed by loneliness. I was within my marriage too.
I HATE having to go through the process, feeling pain etc: I'd really rather not bother if its all the same with everyone, thanks.
but b*gger if that isn't what got me here in the first place.
Is it being alone you don't like or being lonely you don't like or both (we are all different)?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by naive
sit thru the uncomfortableness and get to know yourself again.
it unfolds, like a flower, tigger.
give it some time. keep it simple. healthy food, sunlight, a walk. move your body. get off caffeine, sip hot water, honey and lemon. make some changes. ponder what it is you want in life. be helpful to others. be kind to yourself. splurge! light candles just for yourself. be open to other people. see what the universe has in store...
anyway, you're not alone. we're here with you all the way.
it unfolds, like a flower, tigger.
give it some time. keep it simple. healthy food, sunlight, a walk. move your body. get off caffeine, sip hot water, honey and lemon. make some changes. ponder what it is you want in life. be helpful to others. be kind to yourself. splurge! light candles just for yourself. be open to other people. see what the universe has in store...
anyway, you're not alone. we're here with you all the way.
I was never comfortable being alone because I was never comfortable with self.
Thank God I hung in there and continued the internal work while trying my best not to act on the urges of seeking out male companionship.
Today, I wouldn't have it any other way. My 21 year old was over for about an hour today, and as much as I love her, I was danged glad to have the house back to myself when she left!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
I love Naive's posts!
There's a vast difference between choosing to be alone, and being lonely. Sorry I didn't distinguish. I LOVE being alone. I'm terribly uncomfortable/unhappy being lonely.
There's a vast difference between choosing to be alone, and being lonely. Sorry I didn't distinguish. I LOVE being alone. I'm terribly uncomfortable/unhappy being lonely.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by tigger11
I love Naive's posts!
There's a vast difference between choosing to be alone, and being lonely. Sorry I didn't distinguish. I LOVE being alone. I'm terribly uncomfortable/unhappy being lonely.
There's a vast difference between choosing to be alone, and being lonely. Sorry I didn't distinguish. I LOVE being alone. I'm terribly uncomfortable/unhappy being lonely.
It takes time, patience, and learning to take care of ourselves internally that the feelings of 'loneliness' subside.
Every once in a blue moon, I do get pangs of loneliness, and that's when I usually pick up the phone to call someone else in recovery, get out and take a walk, do something constructive to get me out of my head.
This too shall pass. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Forever4You and Coffeedrinker spoke the experience that has been mine.
Dear love, you are still in the midst of the divorce and in the early stages of separation.
I was going to phone you last night, but didn't want to bother...but I can phone you now!
loving hugs, bunches of them!
live
Dear love, you are still in the midst of the divorce and in the early stages of separation.
I was going to phone you last night, but didn't want to bother...but I can phone you now!
loving hugs, bunches of them!
live
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Just called the doc (GP) for an appointment on Monday to review my SSRI meds. That was AFTER Live and I talked and she suggested stronglythat I do this. I LOVE my friends who keep me accountable and functioning and in the long run better and with more character (if that's possible) . I am well and truly blessed.
. I am well and truly blessed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
This is my biggest issue as well. Don't quite know how to put it in words -- I guess I will call being alone - "solitude". I LOVE solitude. I never got any solitude when I was married, and a craved to so badly. What I wouldn't have given for a day with the house all to myself. But, at the end of the day, a want someone to come home. I want someone who I can share with. That I know will.... not "always be there", but who will "always be back"??? At the end of the day, someone who I can relax with. A partner. Without that I feel panic and sadness and very very alone. Call that loneliness I guess?? I do almost anything to avoid that feeling. And that is where I need to do the most work.....
And I don't feel so alone know that so many others of you struggle with this exact same thing.
And I don't feel so alone know that so many others of you struggle with this exact same thing.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Someone said to me once -
(I still blame them for starting this whole 'self relationship thing - LOL)
"If you were your best friend- would you let anyone treat you the way you do?"
It's been the onset of a couple of years' worth of unravelling.
But it *is* true-
we DO need a relationship with the Self.
And to make it the relationship
by which all others are guided.
Or modeled.
When *I* feel lonely -
I know I'm not *here*.
I'm on the outside someplace
and not on the inside.
Which is where I try to stay.
(I still blame them for starting this whole 'self relationship thing - LOL)
"If you were your best friend- would you let anyone treat you the way you do?"
It's been the onset of a couple of years' worth of unravelling.
But it *is* true-
we DO need a relationship with the Self.
And to make it the relationship
by which all others are guided.
Or modeled.
When *I* feel lonely -
I know I'm not *here*.
I'm on the outside someplace
and not on the inside.
Which is where I try to stay.
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