Letting Go- Anyone recognize this ?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by miyah 
It must be that way for alot of us- that we are there for them when no one else is. It was that way for me as well. I took him in, let him share my home, drove him around, was absolutely there for him after the first screw up.
It was exhausting dealing with his issues all day every day. Then to have him complain that I was never there for him- or did not give him what he needed.
It was exhausting dealing with his issues all day every day. Then to have him complain that I was never there for him- or did not give him what he needed.
And somehow I am now the ******* because I dared question her drinking.
What a fool I was.
Today she's squawking bigtime. About how she's quit and loves what she sees in the mirror.
Whatever.
I asked her how she could have been in true recovery from her alleged cocaine and pill problem this past year if she was drinking the whole time.
Squawk
Squawk
Squawk
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by Ives
I put mine through rehab, saved her bacon, saved her stuff when her junkie room mate through it all over the street.
And somehow I am now the ******* because I dared question her drinking.
What a fool I was.
Today she's squawking bigtime. About how she's quit and loves what she sees in the mirror.
Whatever.
I asked her how she could have been in true recovery from her alleged cocaine and pill problem this past year if she was drinking the whole time.
Squawk
Squawk
Squawk
And somehow I am now the ******* because I dared question her drinking.
What a fool I was.
Today she's squawking bigtime. About how she's quit and loves what she sees in the mirror.
Whatever.
I asked her how she could have been in true recovery from her alleged cocaine and pill problem this past year if she was drinking the whole time.
Squawk
Squawk
Squawk
And yes, what started the final fight was that I questioned his drinking beer at 9AM.
The nerve of me!! And it is my house- where he promised never to drink again.
Ives- This person is still in your home? You are still together??
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by miyah
OMG!! I have heard the same thing! About how he likes who he is, is proud of who he is.
And yes, what started the final fight was that I questioned his drinking beer at 9AM.
The nerve of me!! And it is my house- where he promised never to drink again.
Ives- This person is still in your home? You are still together??
And yes, what started the final fight was that I questioned his drinking beer at 9AM.
The nerve of me!! And it is my house- where he promised never to drink again.
Ives- This person is still in your home? You are still together??
Today she's squawking bigtime. Oh I love you. I want us to be together.
ME: "Okay, then do something about your problem"
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by Ives
No, I left her last August. I had moved in with her in May, then discovered how full of **** she was, and moved back out.
Already I feel like I can breathe better.
I know it won't be easy- and I have to see him in court this week. I am nervous about that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by miyah
Are you getting any closer to having your life back? I am only three weeks from breakup/his going to jail/restraining order. It sometimes feels like I need to learn how to live my life all over .
Already I feel like I can breathe better.
I know it won't be easy- and I have to see him in court this week. I am nervous about that.
Already I feel like I can breathe better.
I know it won't be easy- and I have to see him in court this week. I am nervous about that.
But I can't rush back to her, otherwise she will have all the power. Right now, with me living apart from her, the egomaniac is kept more or less in check. But if I went back, she would go on another power trip. That much I know.
For someone with no job, relying on welfare and a kid on the way, she certainly has some serious audacity.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hey Elsie, let's say your ex does indeed get better and someone else gets him... what then? perhaps you were the one who influenced him taking better choices in life, so your experience served a purpose.
Anyway, what matters is that you indeed get better after him. Its funny because I was obsessed about ex and his gf (sometimes still am) thinking he is now a good man when there is NO INDICATION OF IT AT ALL. And the funny part is that he met me while I was depressed and didn't take care of me very well... and now I am getting out of it, becoming fitter, look better etc. so indeed I became what he wanted, only I won't go back to him LOL !! and he has to see it everyday
My point is that you will suffer if you think about his side of things, the trick is not even playing that and focusing on YOU... no one knows what's going on... for all you know he is drunk lying on the street or abusing some other unfortunate woman...
As LTD said, wishful thinking is confusing, reality is VERY VERY clear...
Anyway, what matters is that you indeed get better after him. Its funny because I was obsessed about ex and his gf (sometimes still am) thinking he is now a good man when there is NO INDICATION OF IT AT ALL. And the funny part is that he met me while I was depressed and didn't take care of me very well... and now I am getting out of it, becoming fitter, look better etc. so indeed I became what he wanted, only I won't go back to him LOL !! and he has to see it everyday
My point is that you will suffer if you think about his side of things, the trick is not even playing that and focusing on YOU... no one knows what's going on... for all you know he is drunk lying on the street or abusing some other unfortunate woman...
As LTD said, wishful thinking is confusing, reality is VERY VERY clear...
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Elsie sorry, just realized you haven't left yet..
The best of him that should have been given to me.
Maybe what should be given to you is a peaceful life? wisdom? freedom? silence? a good man that treats you well from Day 1?
If he is not willing or able to give you what you want for any reason... then why stay? I hope it does not sound cold... you can't control others.... you can just work on yourself, sort out what YOU want, what makes YOUR HEART rejoice... then GO FOR IT! life is short.
The best of him that should have been given to me.
Maybe what should be given to you is a peaceful life? wisdom? freedom? silence? a good man that treats you well from Day 1?
If he is not willing or able to give you what you want for any reason... then why stay? I hope it does not sound cold... you can't control others.... you can just work on yourself, sort out what YOU want, what makes YOUR HEART rejoice... then GO FOR IT! life is short.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by miyah
After pondering the past week and the end of my two year relationship with alcoholic ex-fiance I have a lot of crazy emotions.
The thing I find most hard to let go of is the idea that someday he will realize how much I loved him and what he threw away. What he really traded for alcohol.
Deep down I know this is not likely. He will probably just keep going on blaming me or anyone else handy.
Did anyone else have this hope/feeling? I am truly done and want to be. How to get past this?
The thing I find most hard to let go of is the idea that someday he will realize how much I loved him and what he threw away. What he really traded for alcohol.
Deep down I know this is not likely. He will probably just keep going on blaming me or anyone else handy.
Did anyone else have this hope/feeling? I am truly done and want to be. How to get past this?
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Elsie sorry, just realized you haven't left yet..
The best of him that should have been given to me.
Maybe what should be given to you is a peaceful life? wisdom? freedom? silence? a good man that treats you well from Day 1?
If he is not willing or able to give you what you want for any reason... then why stay? I hope it does not sound cold... you can't control others.... you can just work on yourself, sort out what YOU want, what makes YOUR HEART rejoice... then GO FOR IT! life is short.
The best of him that should have been given to me.
Maybe what should be given to you is a peaceful life? wisdom? freedom? silence? a good man that treats you well from Day 1?
If he is not willing or able to give you what you want for any reason... then why stay? I hope it does not sound cold... you can't control others.... you can just work on yourself, sort out what YOU want, what makes YOUR HEART rejoice... then GO FOR IT! life is short.
I feel that in some way if I stay with ABF I can help shelter my son (who is only 2 right now) from his alcoholism. While if I leave, my son will be with him every other weekend...just them.
Mind you, if I stay, then I have to be wary of 3 aditional children (mine from previous marriage) learning all these things.
Bah, some days I just want to run away.
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by Ives
Getting there, thankfully, I have a lot of friends. But she is pregnant, so I am still tied to her. It's tough. It's tough not thinking of her and worrying about her 24/7. It's tough worrying about what the future holds.
But I can't rush back to her, otherwise she will have all the power. Right now, with me living apart from her, the egomaniac is kept more or less in check. But if I went back, she would go on another power trip. That much I know.
For someone with no job, relying on welfare and a kid on the way, she certainly has some serious audacity.
But I can't rush back to her, otherwise she will have all the power. Right now, with me living apart from her, the egomaniac is kept more or less in check. But if I went back, she would go on another power trip. That much I know.
For someone with no job, relying on welfare and a kid on the way, she certainly has some serious audacity.
I am sorry! It must be really tough with her being pregnant. Worry for the child- though she must not if she is still drinking and drugging. I have no idea what I would do in a situation such as yours.
I thank God everyday that I never married my XABF and have no children with him.
I am feeling better with every day that passes, more alive and like I used to be- able to smile. The protective order has been a blessing for me.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by miyah
Geez Ives
I am sorry! It must be really tough with her being pregnant. Worry for the child- though she must not if she is still drinking and drugging. I have no idea what I would do in a situation such as yours.
I thank God everyday that I never married my XABF and have no children with him.
I am feeling better with every day that passes, more alive and like I used to be- able to smile. The protective order has been a blessing for me.
I wish you the best.
I am sorry! It must be really tough with her being pregnant. Worry for the child- though she must not if she is still drinking and drugging. I have no idea what I would do in a situation such as yours.
I thank God everyday that I never married my XABF and have no children with him.
I am feeling better with every day that passes, more alive and like I used to be- able to smile. The protective order has been a blessing for me.
I wish you the best.
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